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Coping With the Caveman in the Crib
NY Times ^ | February 5, 2008 | TARA PARKER-POPE

Posted on 02/06/2008 8:15:09 PM PST by neverdem

If there is such a person as a “baby whisperer,” it is the pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp, whose uncanny ability to quiet crying babies became the best-selling book “The Happiest Baby on the Block.”

Dr. Karp’s method, endorsed by child advocates and demonstrated in television appearances and a DVD version of his book, shows fussy babies who are quickly, almost eerily soothed by a combination of tight swaddling, loud shushing and swinging, which he says mimics the sensations of the womb.

Now Dr. Karp, assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of California, Los Angeles, has turned his attention to the toddler years...

--snip--

For instance, a toddler throwing a tantrum over a cookie might wail, “I want it. I want it. I want cookie now.”

Often, a parent will adopt a soothing tone saying, “No, honey, you have to wait until after dinner for a cookie.”

Such a response will, almost certainly, make matters worse. “It’s loving, logical and reasonable,” notes Dr. Karp. “And it’s infuriating to a toddler. Now they have to say it over harder and louder to get you to understand.”

Dr. Karp adopts a soothing, childlike voice to demonstrate how to respond to the toddler’s cookie demands.

“You want. You want. You want cookie. You say, ‘Cookie, now. Cookie now.’ ”

It’s hard to imagine an adult talking like this in a public place. But Dr. Karp notes that this same form of “active listening” is a method adults use all the time. The goal is not simply to repeat words but to make it clear that you hear someone’s complaint. “If you were upset and fuming mad, I might say, ‘I know. I know. I know. I get it. I’m really really sorry. I’m sorry.’ That sounds like gibberish out of context,” he says.

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: children; health; medicine; toddlers
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To: kevkrom

It is. I also think it helps them know that they got it right. They’re experimenting and when you repeat it back and it’s the same, it reinforces it, that they got it corect.

When my son was learning to talk, he’d repeat his sister. I remember once when she asked, “Where’d Daddy go?”, when he left for work one day, the she left the room. I heard this little voice come from the highchair saying, “’Ere Dada ‘o?” I repeated it with, “Where’d Da-da go? Where’d Ma-ma go? Where’d Ra-ra (sister) go?” He looked around and the look on his face was priceless; like he realized you could put in different words and still have the same meaning and that it actually MEANT something. He understood. It was after that that he really took off starting to speak.


41 posted on 02/07/2008 8:15:52 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: MrB

“’Oh, come on, you can do better than that! Kick your feet more! Pound the floor with your hands!’ She gets embarrassed and stops, most of the time.”

LOL! I remember my husband doing that with our son. It really does work, LOL! When he was going through the “carry me” phase when he was 3, Husband would say, “Fine. I’ll carry you, but you won’t like it!” And he’d pick him up and carry him upside down, or sling him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

He always wanted “down” nearly immediately and would then walk along with us.

Plenty-o-ways to outwit the little buggers and short-circuit whiny days. ;)


42 posted on 02/07/2008 9:01:33 AM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: Mind-numbed Robot
Nope. They didn't get the cookie. They learned that throwing a tantrum gained nothing.
The only thing they got out of it was daddy talking the same way. I guess that took the fun out of it for them.
43 posted on 02/07/2008 9:24:52 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: Cementjungle
I wonder if that would work to quiet liberals.

That is truly profound. It really is.

44 posted on 02/07/2008 9:29:10 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (Don't trust anyone who can’t take a joke. [Congressman BillyBob])
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To: Fiddlstix

Kids hate it when you repeat everything they say. Drives ‘em nutz.


45 posted on 02/07/2008 9:30:22 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (Don't trust anyone who can’t take a joke. [Congressman BillyBob])
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To: neverdem

I thought the point of raising kids was teaching them to be good adults, not to learn from them how to be annoying toddlers.


46 posted on 02/07/2008 9:32:21 AM PST by discostu (a mountain is something you don't want to %^&* with)
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To: sauropod

home


47 posted on 02/07/2008 9:33:53 AM PST by sauropod (I'd rather be waterboarded than vote for John McCain)
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To: MrB
“Oh, come on, you can do better than that! Kick your feet more! Pound the floor with your hands!”

She gets embarrassed and stops, most of the time.

Yep. It works. I was doing that well over 40 years ago.
BTW, My "kids", now in their in their 40's, turned out well. No problems.
Very successful, independent, stable marriages, good families of their own. I guess it worked.

48 posted on 02/07/2008 9:34:01 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: Cyber Liberty

Yep. That it does. They’ll soon give up and go find something else to do. lol


49 posted on 02/07/2008 9:42:57 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: Fiddlstix; MrB

When mine were little and threw themselves on the floor, bashed their heads real good, and started crying in earnest, I’d say, “That felt real good, didn’t it?”

It was funny to watch one lower herself to within an inch of the floor, drop that last little bit and cry like she was really hurt. I just ignored her after that. That was the end of that. No sense putting on a show if no one is going to watch.


50 posted on 02/07/2008 9:46:24 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: metmom
....No sense putting on a show if no one is going to watch.

Yep. That is the "key". I wonder why more people don't understand it.
They're just throwing a tantrum for pete sake. That's all.
If you give in, well, you just "taught" them they can get anything they want by crying.
You're the adult. It's your job to teach them.

51 posted on 02/07/2008 9:54:43 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: Fiddlstix

Thanks. I am now observing grand kids and it is much easier to spot the manipulation and see the solution than when I was on the front line.


52 posted on 02/07/2008 9:57:18 AM PST by Mind-numbed Robot (Not all that needs to be done, needs to be done by the government.)
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To: Mind-numbed Robot
Welcome to the club. I'm a grandpa too.

(If I'd known grand kids were so much fun....I'd had them first. lol)

53 posted on 02/07/2008 10:02:07 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: neverdem

http://www.cavemanscrib.com


54 posted on 02/07/2008 10:03:09 AM PST by najida (I am so grateful that stupid isn't contagious.)
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To: Mind-numbed Robot

Experience. I’ve been teaching my kids, though, and they work in the church nursery regularly. You get plenty of training there. Lots of manipulative little darlings whose parents are clueless to practice on.


55 posted on 02/07/2008 10:16:20 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: metmom

Re: Sharing

Our oldest is going through some of this as well. He has 13-month old twin siblings, and we need to remind him not to take toys away from his brother or sister. A lot. If it’s a toy he left there and abandoned, he’ll get no sympathy from us.

At the same time, we’re trying to make sure the others don’t take toys away from him, either. They don’t really understand, but the point is that our oldest sees that we’re applying the rules evenly.

That said, I won’t let a child hog a whole set of toys, either. If the oldest is playing with a set of blocks, and his sister comes over and tries to take ONE away, I’ll generally make him share it with her.


56 posted on 02/07/2008 11:32:36 AM PST by kevkrom (Voters say they want substance, but then they just vote for the guy with nice hair instead.)
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To: kevkrom

Yeah, no matter what you try, there’s always something you have to watch for. I could see one of mine sitting in the midst a a pile of toys claiming she was *playing* with all of them, just in an effort to control everything.

I was thinking of when they’re playing with one specific toy like a truck, or activity toy and someone just comes along and yanks it out of their hands. And I have seen the innocent party soundly chastised for not sharing, while the grabber walks away in triumph.


57 posted on 02/07/2008 12:17:12 PM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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