Posted on 02/06/2008 8:15:09 PM PST by neverdem
If there is such a person as a “baby whisperer,” it is the pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp, whose uncanny ability to quiet crying babies became the best-selling book “The Happiest Baby on the Block.”
Dr. Karp’s method, endorsed by child advocates and demonstrated in television appearances and a DVD version of his book, shows fussy babies who are quickly, almost eerily soothed by a combination of tight swaddling, loud shushing and swinging, which he says mimics the sensations of the womb.
Now Dr. Karp, assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of California, Los Angeles, has turned his attention to the toddler years...
--snip--
For instance, a toddler throwing a tantrum over a cookie might wail, “I want it. I want it. I want cookie now.”
Often, a parent will adopt a soothing tone saying, “No, honey, you have to wait until after dinner for a cookie.”
Such a response will, almost certainly, make matters worse. “It’s loving, logical and reasonable,” notes Dr. Karp. “And it’s infuriating to a toddler. Now they have to say it over harder and louder to get you to understand.”
Dr. Karp adopts a soothing, childlike voice to demonstrate how to respond to the toddler’s cookie demands.
“You want. You want. You want cookie. You say, ‘Cookie, now. Cookie now.’ ”
It’s hard to imagine an adult talking like this in a public place. But Dr. Karp notes that this same form of “active listening” is a method adults use all the time. The goal is not simply to repeat words but to make it clear that you hear someone’s complaint. “If you were upset and fuming mad, I might say, ‘I know. I know. I know. I get it. I’m really really sorry. I’m sorry.’ That sounds like gibberish out of context,” he says.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
It is. I also think it helps them know that they got it right. They’re experimenting and when you repeat it back and it’s the same, it reinforces it, that they got it corect.
When my son was learning to talk, he’d repeat his sister. I remember once when she asked, “Where’d Daddy go?”, when he left for work one day, the she left the room. I heard this little voice come from the highchair saying, “’Ere Dada ‘o?” I repeated it with, “Where’d Da-da go? Where’d Ma-ma go? Where’d Ra-ra (sister) go?” He looked around and the look on his face was priceless; like he realized you could put in different words and still have the same meaning and that it actually MEANT something. He understood. It was after that that he really took off starting to speak.
“’Oh, come on, you can do better than that! Kick your feet more! Pound the floor with your hands!’ She gets embarrassed and stops, most of the time.”
LOL! I remember my husband doing that with our son. It really does work, LOL! When he was going through the “carry me” phase when he was 3, Husband would say, “Fine. I’ll carry you, but you won’t like it!” And he’d pick him up and carry him upside down, or sling him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
He always wanted “down” nearly immediately and would then walk along with us.
Plenty-o-ways to outwit the little buggers and short-circuit whiny days. ;)
That is truly profound. It really is.
Kids hate it when you repeat everything they say. Drives ‘em nutz.
I thought the point of raising kids was teaching them to be good adults, not to learn from them how to be annoying toddlers.
home
Yep. It works. I was doing that well over 40 years ago.
BTW, My "kids", now in their in their 40's, turned out well. No problems.
Very successful, independent, stable marriages, good families of their own. I guess it worked.
Yep. That it does. They’ll soon give up and go find something else to do. lol
When mine were little and threw themselves on the floor, bashed their heads real good, and started crying in earnest, I’d say, “That felt real good, didn’t it?”
It was funny to watch one lower herself to within an inch of the floor, drop that last little bit and cry like she was really hurt. I just ignored her after that. That was the end of that. No sense putting on a show if no one is going to watch.
Yep. That is the "key". I wonder why more people don't understand it.
They're just throwing a tantrum for pete sake. That's all.
If you give in, well, you just "taught" them they can get anything they want by crying.
You're the adult. It's your job to teach them.
Thanks. I am now observing grand kids and it is much easier to spot the manipulation and see the solution than when I was on the front line.
(If I'd known grand kids were so much fun....I'd had them first. lol)
Experience. I’ve been teaching my kids, though, and they work in the church nursery regularly. You get plenty of training there. Lots of manipulative little darlings whose parents are clueless to practice on.
Re: Sharing
Our oldest is going through some of this as well. He has 13-month old twin siblings, and we need to remind him not to take toys away from his brother or sister. A lot. If it’s a toy he left there and abandoned, he’ll get no sympathy from us.
At the same time, we’re trying to make sure the others don’t take toys away from him, either. They don’t really understand, but the point is that our oldest sees that we’re applying the rules evenly.
That said, I won’t let a child hog a whole set of toys, either. If the oldest is playing with a set of blocks, and his sister comes over and tries to take ONE away, I’ll generally make him share it with her.
Yeah, no matter what you try, there’s always something you have to watch for. I could see one of mine sitting in the midst a a pile of toys claiming she was *playing* with all of them, just in an effort to control everything.
I was thinking of when they’re playing with one specific toy like a truck, or activity toy and someone just comes along and yanks it out of their hands. And I have seen the innocent party soundly chastised for not sharing, while the grabber walks away in triumph.
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