Posted on 11/27/2007 12:46:44 PM PST by MarineMom613
Sorry for long title and caps. I am typing thru tears. My mom is dying of pancreatic cancer. She raised my son and I got thru to Red Cross & Hospice and they approved it. Military is denying it saying she is not loco parentis. On top of that nobody knows how to do the paper work. My son is her baby (30 Year Old Marine) and she is all she wants. Seems to be holding on for him. She just took a drastic turn for the worst yesterday. I need a congressman/senator anyone who I can call and try to push this through. I am literally BEGGING. I am losing my best friend and I need My Son home but More importantly, SHE needs him. She is basically unconcious but everytime she hears a mans voice she screams out that Rob is Here Bring him to me now. Dont' know how much longer she has. Any help appreciated... Prayers too!. He has served 2 tours in Iraq and has made the Military his career and he is lost right now. Please. He is in Camp Lejuene, NC and is scheduled to go out on a training excerise tomorrow on ship. Hospice and Red Cross pushed it through and Military is pushing it somewhere else.
First of all thank you to all the FReepers that have offered to contact people for me on my son’s behalf. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much it means to me.
We have given up completely. I have spoken to his chaplain as well as one of his commanding officers. There is nothing that can be done. She is “only his grandmother” Not even immediate family so when she passes he will miss that to. His CO told me to scan letters from people who can verify info regarding her raising him and get them notarized, than scan them and email them to her but she said he still won’t get home. I wasn’t even able to do that today as my mom had a BAD day and I had to get to Dr because I hurt my back picking her up this morning.
I spoke to my son this AM and told him if she passes with him gone (most likely) We will get him home on leave and have a graveside service/memoriam just amongst our immediate family. That’s all we can do.
I can tell you I lost a lot of faith in the military this am. After talking to those mentioned above I was really surprised at their “Rules are Rules” no exceptions. I understand RULES but sometimes exceptions need to be made.
I just hate the fact that it applies to “who you know” et al.
After that we just wanted him home for the funeral. Again No Go. It’s not ok but we have to accept it. Its’ especially hard on me because when she’s gone I’m all alone.
Never been that way in over 30 years. Scary.
My mom is still hanging in there. I am getting pressure from family to hospitalized her. She asked me to never do that and I am keeping my promise. We had long discussions for many times over the years and we were very clear on understanding each other. I cry constantly seeing her suffer but will hold my head up when it’s over knowing I kept my word to her. After going thru this with my mom I will have to talk to my son about what I want. As with my mom, I know my son will honor my wishes no matter how hard it is/would be.
If there is a lesson in any of this. Hug your mom, dad, grandparent and family member and tell them you love them.
My brother just hugged me for the first time in years.
Again, thanks for all the prayers, contact info etc. I tried. Clintons office called me back after 24 hours and I told her she shouldnt have bothered. I shocked her when I told her when a constituent needs you (esp military involv)
its her job to get on top of it immediatedly not 28 hours later. Told her its true Hillary don’t care about no-one but Hillary and hung up on her.
I love you guys. Thanks again for everything. I don’t have any more fight in me and my son has no choice but to follow his command. Sorry for talking to much. My mind is all over the place.
God Bless.
There are things that are not covered or not made clear when service begins. This rule has been in effect a long time in the Marine Corps. But even knowing ‘the rules’ in advance can’t prepare one for the reality, much as we’d like it to do.
One can feel so alone. Don’t, because you’re not. It could be any one of us. Don’t let your son feel alone, either.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
The military is still a fine institution. It's the persons overseeing it {civilians} who are by no means doing right by ones serving or have served this nation. Taking care of family {including deceased vets} has fell by the wayside. It's gone from tradition and honor to Boom Box Taps as final honors to those who served. When I was in the service era late 1970's grandparents were immediate family as were parents and brother, sister, spouse, and child. Every measure possible except in mission critical conditions provisions were made for the service-member and family.
I only know of a few who were not allowed leave. One was my uncle when his mother died but he was C.O. of a ship and understood this when he took command status. Another was my XO when I was on the ship I think his mother passed while we were at sea. I can not think of one man on my ship and we had 5000 plus who was denied emergency leave on something like this. Like I said most were on their way home before even the men he worked with in the same shop all knew it sometimes.
What is boils down to is this. Since about 1990 as a nation our armed forces began on a course of having to do too much with too little manpower. One of the first things to go was full military honors at funerals by active duty or reserve honor guards in most cases including a live playing of TAPS. This was replaced with Boom Boxes playing taps or VFW or sometimes State Militia doing the job if available. A local VFW rep now presents the flag.
One of our military strongest points was tradition and the ability to maintain a well manned military. Both have fallen away in the name of the so called new Army's of One. As tradition and taking care of it's own falls by the side so does morale. Sadly no one in civilian leadership is by any means learning from the lessons of our past. And sadly they are not by any means addressing such issues in a serious manner. Many people say "Support our Troops" but it rings hollow when civilian leadership elected and appointed to oversee and make provision for our troops just don't care anymore and commanding officers are left making choices like your sons so he can maintain mission strength. I am certain he is not a happy man for what he had to do.
We used to have enough people even in the Carter years to take care of these issues except for rare exceptions. It was like placing your hand in a bucket of water and taking it back out the void left by removing your hand was quickly filled. That is the way it should be but now it isn't. Sad enough the ongoing apathy from our elected and appointed officals toward our troops is very Bipartisan as well. What happened to the standards Ronnie held?
You have my prayers. Hang in there.
Many years ago, while at sea in the north Atlantic, I was granted emergency leave when my mother-in-law was hospitalized with brain tumor and her outlook was very poor. I was flown home as soon as our ship reached England.
I never thought to ask how it was arranged by my wife’s family, but my father-in-law was a former Navy officer.
MIL survived for several more years but was bed ridden and unable to speak. She appeared to understand what was said to her.
Sorry your son’s command is being so difficult about this.
Continued prayers for you, MarineMom, and for your mother and son.
Do you have hospice care for your Mom? Hospice was such a blessing when my uncle was sick with pancreatic cancer. Even though my aunt was a nurse she felt better being able to consult with them about ways/meds to keep him comfortable. He passed very peacefully and didn’t seem to have much pain.
Having a private graveside memorial service when your son comes home is a great idea. I pray that will give him some closure, and the rest of you as well.
But today your Mom is still alive, and I pray for her and for you as you care for her. I trust that caring for her will be a blessing that you’ll look back to as a comfort to you.
God bless.
Hillary loathes the military.
Prayers up.
I’m still hoping and praying that something can be done to help.
Again, Thank you everyone. I will never give up hoping in a miracle but I know in my heart this won’t be it.
My only saving grace is my mom is pretty much gone now mentally and doesn’t realize whats going on.
Every day I tell her he called and sends a big kiss and hug and sends love to. She gets a big smile out of it.
Again God Bless you ALL.
Especially JimRob for giving us this forum for even things like this.
Praying for you, your son, and your mother. May you be allowed to all be together in this time of need.
And Thank G-d for FR and all the wonderful FReepers with connections to maybe help get this to happen. This place is worth diamonds and rubies when it REALLY counts - thank all of you who had a tip or a way to help this family. You warm my heart so much.
UPDATE,
Just an update to let you know my mom passed away this morning peacefully. My son won’t be home for the funeral but his wife notified him and he accepts he can’t be home and is glad she is out of pain and done with suffering.
Please pray for my family. There is a lot of stress and tensions right now and I am trying to keep it together.
It’s windy here in NY and I told my goddaughters(ages 4 & 5) thats Pop Pop and he came to get mema and now they are dancing their way up to heaven.
Again, Thank you ALL for everything you have tried to do. Whether it was a prayer, phone call, favor called etc., please know from the bottom of my heart that I will never ever forget how this place came to my aid when I felt at one of the lowest points in my life.
God Bless you all, and thank you again. If someone can ping Trussell for the prayer list, thanks. If I’m not making to much sense I apologize. It’s been a long week.
Praying for you and your family.
Please post your replies to MarineMom613
Rest in Peace
mother of MarineMom613
MarineMom613, My prayers go up for all who now mourn the passing of your precious loved one.
Blessings,
trussell
If you want on/off my prayer ping list, please let me know. All requests happily honored.
MarineMom613,I am sorry about your Mom(((Hugs))).Your son is a very strong young man.We prayed on the air for your family,Fatima
I spoke to his CO and she advised me as she stated that since it was not in his records from the beginning nothing would change. She admitted that there was nothing she could do about it at time becuase they were going on an excersise and as she (his (g/ma )is not his immediate familY (Mother or Father) there was no exceptions.
I spoke to the Chaplain in his unit and he forwarded her my tel# to explain and she did call me back. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t doable in this situation. We finally accepted it ( not liked it but accepted it).
It just wasn’t going to happen and as long as my son was ok I was ok with it. I so desparately need him with me but I will get through it.
Thank you aain.
I’m so sorry about your Mom and the situation. Know that your son’s strength is with you, even if he isn’t there in person. Lean on that knowledge and God’s love. My thoughts and earnest prayers are with you this evening. Try to get some rest.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. And I join with all the others here lifting you and all the family up to God for His healing, peace and guidance as you deal with your mother’s homegoing.
Pegita
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