How to Handle a Telemarketer (This is Hysterical)

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[Dallas]

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[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I am a telemarketer, if you dont want to talk to us just hang up on us...we like it that way.

'Suce me, sir, did you know Tom Mabe?

Sir, this is a homicide investigation. Now, are you a flaming homosexual?

[facedown]

LbumpOL!

[Lady Jag]

50 FUN THINGS TO DO TO TELEMARKETERS

1. Talk really fast.
2. Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.
3. Make up your own language. Speak it.
4. Hang up.
5. Make up a one word language. Speak it.
6. Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"
7. If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.
8. If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.
9. Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
10. Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
11. Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.
12. Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.
13. Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "
14. Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
15. Claim to be the mafia.
16. Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."
17. Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.
18. Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
19. Ask the telemarketer to find your friend Mike last name Rotch. Claim you will only buy a subscription from them.
20. Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"
21. Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"
22. Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable *69."
23. Speak a foreign language.
24. If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.
25. Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone down to hang up.
26. Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"
27. Communicate only through Morse code.
28. Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
29. Try to sell the telemarketer something.
30. Act drunk.
31. Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.
32. Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.
33. Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
34. If he/she says "No" to #36 insist that he/she buy yours.
35. If he/she says "Yes" to #36 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.
36. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
37. Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.
38. Make him/her sing to get a sale.
39. If a male sings for #41, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
40. If a female sings for #41, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
41. Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
42. Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.
43. Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
44. Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.
45. Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.
46. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
47. Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
48. If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.
49. Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.
50. Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.

 

[texastoo]

Need a laugh? Listen to this.

[calcowgirl]

I listened last night—it was hysterical! LOL

[aShepard]

bttt - for later

[Dinsdale]

So are you going to post your home number so we can all call you during dinner?

The best way to handle a phone spammer is to say 'excuse me, I'm interested in your product so don't hang up, but there is someone at the door'. Put down the phone, don't even check for half an hour.

If you hang up on the $%(@ he will just be bothering someone else. Wasting his time is the correct solution. The fact you like it when we just hang up is the best reason not to do it.

[Dinsdale]

He’s not being a clown. He’s deliberately costing the spammer money. That’s good.

[Arioch7]

Thanks!

[Calpernia]

I like it when you all don’t call my house at all.

[Calpernia]

Major, major, extreme to the third power BUMP

[petercooper]

bttt

[Syncro]

Good list.

I get calls all the time telling me that they are going to send me the local paper FREE each Sunday.

I tell them OK, you must have my address I’ll look for it on Sunday

Then hang up.

Haven’t gotten a paper yet

(They are trying to charge for the weekly paper naturally.)

[irishtenor]

Jerry’s mortuary, you stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.

[laotzu]

marked

[Eye of Unk]

[bmwcyle]

bttt for later

[MadelineZapeezda]

He's got a website here with more calls Make sure you listen to bad customer service call....priceless!!!!

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Hey all...this was posted over the weekend so you may have seen it.

HUMOR...PING!!!

Thanks for posting, this his hysterical!!!

[RockinRight]

That brings up a good point.

Anyone who has been in business for a week knows that, despite what we as consumers don’t like...for most industries you just aren’t going to stay in business very long if you sit by the phone and wait for it to ring. You just aren’t.

I sympathize with you, don’t misunderstand me. Just putting my business hat on for a moment.