A. Amish drive-by shooting.
Posted on 03/14/2007 5:08:50 PM PDT by Dan Evans
Behind the bonnet is a girl who just wants to have fun -- and another beer, please.
It's Friday night at Twister's. Tina launches the evening with a tallboy of Sparks. Customers eyeball her white bonnet and shin-grazing dress as she sips from her can of malt liquor and caffeine. She's used to the gawking. Impolite scrutiny comes with being Amish.
"Everyone stares at you," she says. "It's not very fun, but I just ignore it."
Besides, Tina's on a mission to get tanked. No amount of rubbernecking can stop her.
The DJ approaches. Rodger Locher, a clean-cut city boy, is what's known as a "Yank," the all-encompassing term for not being Amish. Since he became Twister's resident DJ, Tina's become a regular, obsessed with listening to Beyoncé, the Killers, and Korn over rounds of neon cocktails.
(Excerpt) Read more at clevescene.com ...
"June was first pinched at 17. She and her friends had killed a six-pack before hopping in a buggy to buy more. They noticed a cop trailing them and stuffed their mouths with Listerine strips just before they were pulled over. It was no use. Everyone was forced to take a field sobriety test. June failed miserably. The cop delivered her home.
"Tina was once cruising around town with her cousins when one accidentally dropped a 12 of Bud into the street. They were instantly pulled over. "They'd been trailing us for a while," Tina says. "I wasn't even drunk, but they're always following buggies around."
Locher wags his head in agreement. "You'll never see a buggy parked in front of a bar," he says. "They're instant targets."
"Former Chardon Municipal Court Judge Craig Albert admits as much, but cites safety as the reason. "The car will go right into a ditch," Albert says. "But the horses will go right through an intersection. These kids will get in their buggies and pass out and just let the horses head home on their own."
Holy Smokes!
I thought for sure this HAD to be from the 'Onion'!
Unbelievable. If this isn't raw material for Jerry Springer, nothing is.
So what are they guilty of, riding a buggy under the influence.
A. Amish drive-by shooting.
The sort of brilliant opening line that only a professional no-talent hack journalist could write.
We had a local Amish guy that was arrested for DUI in his buggy.He stopped at an intersection in Ashland and passed out.The poor horse didn't know what to do and just stood there through a bunch of light cycles until the cops arrived.
The only real misrepresentation in the whole thing is the statement that the Amish lose many of their children. I belive the retention rate is way over 80%.
Malt liquor and caffeine??? What the heck is she drinking, a Pepsi & Olde English 800 rail mixer?
Where are the parents?
What lovely parents.
Leave our religion and we'll never speak to you again. Talk about blackmail.
As long as the horse is sober, what's the problem?
He was probably relying on old data. About forty years ago they were losing about fifty percent but that has changed in recent years. I've seen figures as high as 90% retained. Since they have about six kids, you can imagine how fast their population is growing. They have increased their numbers by a factor of 36 in the last 100 years.
After the 9th beer and shot, he heard last call, burped once, and blearily thought "Yeah, I'd hit it......"
We had two local Amish boys arrested for dealing cocaine.
Go figure.
The hip-hop culture and moral degredation can infect anybody, even the Amish.
Seems to work though. They keep most of their kids from going astray. More than we do, anyway.
Courting couples can also get pregnant first before they marry to insure a family.
The wildest party guy I ever met in college was a Shenandoah Valley Mennonite who turned his back on his faith and was shunned by his family/community.
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