Posted on 01/18/2007 6:00:26 PM PST by do the dhue
18 Ways To Be A Good Liberal
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
Doing anything to win a Darwin Award would make them the best kind of liberal. Bonus if they didn't reproduce before it.
In other words: you have to believe in Santa Claus, forever.
19. You have to believe Hellary Rodham is the Messiah.
19. You have to believe that the presidency should be held by celebrity status rather than decent human beings.
20. You have to believe that any conservative who won office did so by fraud, but if a liberal wins, all is well.
21. You have to be alarmed by a dog being put to death in a medically controlled experiment at the Cleveland Clinic, but that is ok for an unborn baby to have its head pierced by a scissors, have its brains sucked out, and get thrown in the garbage.
22. You have to believe that all conservative presidents are idiots and just plain stupid, but that all liberal presidents are well-suited and mature, ready to hit the ground running.
23. You have to believe that religious words are inflammatory, but secular words are much better: baby/fetus, religious/faith based, homosexual/gay, etc.
Golly. This is awfully depressing. I never added up all the reasons at one time. One at a time was bad enough.
20. You have to believe that the MSM is too conservative.
"15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not."
I did not know people were trying to say that standardized testing was racist, but sadly, the idiocy/lunacy of some people is no longer surprising.
LOL
Have to add those to my email ....
LOL
Nice list, seems old though with it's Gibson comment.
Thanks for posting.
31. You believe it's wrong to be judgemental.
32. You believe the Bush Administration could hide tons of explosives in the WTC but couldn't plant a few WMD in Iraq.
33. You believe in the 1st Amendment and McCain-Feingold.
the list is growing fast
It's a good start, but I think our FReepers could make this list go on and on and on.....
Sharp thinkers out there!
25)You have to believe that legalizing marijuana is just an example of believing in personal freedom, but that smoking tobacco on private property should be illegal.
26)You have to believe that a mass murderer like Castro is the greatest living leader on Earth, but George Bush is Hitler
27)That you support sending US troops to Darfur to stop genocide is imperitive, but sending troops to stop genocide in Iraq is imperialism.
28)That Condi Rice is unqualified to advise the President about war because she is a single woman without children, but Barbara Boxer is an expert because she has grandchildren.
29)That D-student John Kerry, and college dropout Al Gore are geniuses, but Harvard MBA George Bush is stupid.
30)That we need the Fairness doctrine because Fox news sometimes shows both sides of controversial issues, but 95% of journalists being liberal has nothing to do with any sort of bias.
31)That a murdering drunk like Ted Kennedy is a praise-worthy member of the senate, but Trent Lott should be tarred and feathered and removed from congress for making one non-PC statement.
32)That the people who pay 95% of the taxes don't "deserve" to keep more of their own money, but the portion of the population who pay NO taxes deserve a "tax cut"
33)That medicine is "too expensive" and needs to be under Federal control, but it's OK for college tuition to increase at liberal institutions by 10% a year.
34) That Bush/Cheney are subsidizing their buddies in the oil industry, but Nancy Pelosi exempting her own investments from minimum wage increases is just "economic reality"
bump
1) Shoot yourself
2) hang yourself
3) electrocute yourself
4) drown yourself
5) overdose yourself
6) HIV yourself
7) Defenestrate yourself
8) Sepeku yourself
9) Immolulate yourself
10) Poison yourself
11) Slash your wrists yourself
12) Sit on a spear yourself
13) Car crash yourself
14) Kevorkian yourself
15) Shit yourself to death
16) Hug yourself to death
17) Hug a sucide bomber today
18) Screw Bill Clinton and die by threatening to go to the press.
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