Open Editorial: You Named Your Baby WHAT???

Onyx Magazine ^ | March, 2006 | Josephine Hammond

[twippo]

Someone needs to sit our people down and have a healthy discussion about the names we as African Americans are giving our children. We are hurting our kids and putting their futures in peril from the moment they are born.

That’s right, I said it. We are KILLING our kids and crippling their futures with the names we give them. Don’t you want your kids to get JOBS someday? Good jobs, and serious careers? With a name like Jaquez Ja’Quan Diante’, you’re dooming your sons to a life of drug dealing on some seedy street corner.

Our Black men face enough challenges. I do not subscribe to the notion that we are giving our children names that “convey pride in their African Heritage”. We’re way off the mark. I’ve got dear friends from all over Africa, and their children have beautiful cultural names like Akos, Ama, and Fia.

Notice how neither of those names had a “quita” in it? Or an “eisha”? Or more than four syllables? That’s because even in the motherland, they don’t give their kids the crazy names that we do in Black America. Many Africans even RESENT the implication that these names stem from their culture. I’ve yet to meet anyone from any African nation named Shaquandiniquah Takei’sha, or any other of the ‘colorful’ monikers we’re pinning on brand new precious lives.

Parents, we are stacking the odds against our children from birth. We’ve been doing it for generations, but we get mighty cross when white and mainstream America laughs and mocks us. With a name like Quieshianiquita (I know, I can’t pronounce it either), you’re dooming your children to employment at no better than a dollar store or the nearest fast-food joint.

You are automatically relegated in the minds of many to second-class citizenry, because when they hear the name, they instantly categorize you as ignorant, ghetto, incompetent, uneducated, and not worthy of much respect or basic human considerations.

We hear so often about African American students who excel in school, etc. and “beat the odds.” Well, guess what? Often times, the “odds they have to beat” is the tough challenge of being taken seriously in America with the atrocious name you gave them...names like Jaqui’sheia Sha’qu’an Tai’isha. If they can get someone to look past the name (and quit laughing), there is remarkable talent there in that person.

Unfortunately though, much of mainstream America isn’t willing to find this out. Come in with the wrong name, and you are nothing more than fodder for stereotypical, distasteful jokes. We as African Americans face enough challenges as it is. Our kids deserve a better start and a way better shot than this.

You’re angry with me? I can live with that. Now answer this: when have you ever seen an IBM Executive or a fancy New York office with a fancy highrise office door nameplate that says “Quandaniquah Roshel-Shaquita, Chief Executive Officer”? When? You don’t, and you never have, because the reality is, corporate America and a huge chuck of mainstream doesn’t have a high regard for those names. Quite frankly, you won’t be taken seriously.

I’ve been behind many a closed door with white corporate America. Oddly enough, many of them still see the Negro in the room as ‘non-existent’ or invisible, so they talked like I wasn’t even in the room. I hear everything they say. When Nakia Shaniquah-Quashiqua fills out an application, they have a field day in the office. Once they get their fill of ghetto and ‘weave’ jokes and ripping you to pieces sight unseen, they usually toss the application, or it gets stuck in the ‘bottom of the pile’. If they do hire you, you’re relegated to some meaningless, inconsequential task behind the scenes so they won’t be embarrased by you.

I’ve learned the harsh truth that right or wrong, no quality mainstream company wants someone named (oh just pick a name) representing them in the forefront. We don’t hear that, though. We just want you to get the name right, and look at you funny if you don’t. I recall a time a young woman got really cross with me because her name was LaShi’quita and I forgot to capitalize the ‘S’ and left the little accent mark off the first ‘i’ - how was I supposed to know? But lawd ha’mercy...what did I do THAT for? She was mad, hostile, and ready to FIGHT! It was a BIG ridiculously overblown embarassing ordeal (for her), and that’s OUR fault, parents.

She wouldn’t have such a huge chip on her shoulder and be so defensive, confrontational and mean if we had just given her a name that the average person can pronounce or spell. No spell check in the world can help, so most of her existence is spent correcting the spelling of her name, and feeling disrespected because people can’t get it right. We set her up for this constant and unnecessary battle.

I do not advocate naming all our children Bobby and Susie. But let’s do our babies a favor and keep the syllables down to a minimum, leave out the suffixes “quita”, “sheika”,“eisha”, “niqua”, “quan”...anysuffix with the letter ‘Q’. I could go on, but you get where I'm headed.And if you want your child to have an authentic African or other ethnic name, do a little research. Don’t just make up a name and expect the world to be able to spell and pronounce it. You're not being original or cute. That child has to LIVE with that horrible name, and that's not funny...or cute.

Amen. Now pass the cornbread.

[LA Woman3]

Too funny! Glad its not just me!! : )

[Red Badger]

I went to school with Louises, Shielas, Margarets and a whole bunch of Deborahs...........

[bert]

You jest but....

I called on a company in Nashville summer before last that was Arab owned. The honchos ware all Palestinian. All the workers were Mexican. There was one lonsome ex-sideman and a girl who were Anglo.

It was riot. The Arabs all conversed in arabic and the Mexicans all conversed in Spanish. They had a shop with a fenced /razorwired compound guarded by a big Rotweiler. They put an old Mexican in there and left him. He wouldn't dare go outside. The dog kept him in the shop ans everyone else outside the fence.

The last time I went down there they had a new office with a mural of the Al Aqusa mosque in Jerusalem. There was a new face, a middle aged Saudi and one non face. There was a black Nashville girl receptionist covered from head to toe except eyes and hands. I know she was a local girl because no Arab has a Nashville street accent.

[linda_22003]

.... and the twins, Chlamydia and Condyloma....

[highball]

Have you ever noticed that the Caucasians in this county do not refer to themselves as a hyphenated American? The media does not refer to them as such. Why is this so?

Well, some do. Many Italian-Americans. Also Irish-Americans.

"American" might be listed last, but so long as it comes first in a person's heart, I don't care what they hyphenate it with.

[Range Rover]

From : http://www.baby-guide.com/african-baby-girl-names.html

· Abba (If you like Swedish 70's pop)
· Abiba (Useful to keep the baby from spitting up on the clothes)
· Adamma (Battlestar Galactica)
· Amandla (No, NOT Amanda...)
· Audi (Mid-Priced German Auto)
· Chipo (Lost Marx Brother)
· Corentine (You're sick and shouldn't be seeing people)
· Gaynell (Darnell's "Special" brother)
· Gimbya (Simba's "Special " brother)
· Laquinta (looking for a budget Inn for the night)
Limber (good at Yoga)
Saran (For food preservation)

[Drew68]

I had an uncle named Vivian.

Vivian Campbell, Irish guitar shredder.

[jonsie]

I have a student name Tequilla, I kid you not.

[Chickensoup]

her name was LaShi’quita

What kind of name is that? Klingon?



No, Bannana.

[5Madman2]

We have a heavy Asian Population where I work-took a rpeort one time from a gentleman named Long Wang.

My boss thought I was being the smarta## I usually am and was not amused until I did a database run on the name for him

[CobraJet]

How about a man named Pierce Hyman?

[Dr. Bogus Pachysandra]

Richard (Dick) Trickle. Man, that one's tough. Good guy, great racer, but the name sounds like a symptom! "Doc, it burns when I pee, and I got Dick Trickle."
"Young man , Don't touch that thing!"

[cjshapi]

There were folks who wanted my parents to name me Shelly Shelly. Thank goodness they didn't!

[subterfuge]

I fought tooth and nail to keep my wife from spelling my daughter's name, Michelle, with one "L".

I won. We have a unique enough last name that we don't need to have FIRST names we have spell for everyone as well.

After a few years of marriage and the wife having to spell our last name EVERY SINGLE TIME, she understood why I didn't want the kid to be MicheLe.

[Little Bill]

There is a tradition in my family, never stick a kid with someones last name as his first, my Grandmother almost violated it with my Dad, Maxwell became Max, my father, my Grandfather stopped that. My daughter violated that, because my son claimed the Max II name.

[Chickensoup]

she refused to change it because she didn't want to shame her mother.


That is a woman with true class.

[Mr. Mojo]

I couldn't imagine doing that to one of my children

Potential problems for their kids are an afterthought (if even that) for parents who do this. It's all about making them feel "hip," "cutting edge," anti-establishment, etc.

[papertyger]

You mean the Hogg sisters. And there was no "eura".

Apocrypha strikes again ;o)

[bert]

Brothers Rayon and Nylon?.....


No they were sisters..... Rayonda and Nylonya

[dljordan]

"Oddly enough, many of them still see the Negro in the room as ‘non-existent’ or invisible, so they talked like I wasn’t even in the room."

BS! They see the black person in the room with a huge neon sign above their head saying "BEWARE, PC MINEFIELD!".