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Posted on 01/14/2006 12:02:09 PM PST by wagglebee
WHEN A MILITARY chaplain appeared on ABC News last week talking about how pornography is becoming a problem for troops overseas, I listened. When the chaplain said real women at home couldn’t measure up to the impossible pictures, I thought of this woman I had seen years ago in a bookstore on base in Japan.
I shouldn’t remember her. The woman was not one of those people you even notice, much less remember. She had no distinct hair color, no charm of face. She reminded me of wide egg noodles and cream of mushroom soup and Minute Rice.
But I noticed her when her sailor husband handed her a stack of magazines maybe 5 inches thick. Penthouse. Playboy. Hustler. Worse. He must have picked up every single porn mag the bookstore offered.
While I watched and the people behind me watched, the wife took the stack from him. She held it in hands that had probably stroked his face, patted his back, clutched his thighs. She handed the stack to a clerk. Then, in front of a line of 10 people, with her husband waiting impatiently by the door, she slowly signed her name to the bottom of her personal check. She did it as if pornography were something you brought home weekly, like milk or eggs or Minute Rice.
Until that moment, I’d always thought pornography was no big deal, a boys-will-be-boys kind of thing. Seeing her in person shook me – her pasty face, her quiet resignation.
So I paid attention to the news segment. It talked about these 11,000 sexual purity kits that are going to military members in Iraq. Following the popular “Every Man’s Battle” series from New Life Ministries, the kits promote Bible-based abstinence: no pornography, adultery, nonmarital sex or masturbation.
I heard that and kind of winced. It seemed too old fashioned a solution for a time when pornography is as available as a paper-wrapped burger. It made me think of some of those goofy venereal disease movies from World War II.
It also made me think of two couples I know who have divorced over pornography addiction, and the stories I read every week about how it’s becoming more of a problem for every age group.
But a religious text? I just didn’t know. I picked up a copy of one of the books at a Christian bookstore. At first I was uncomfortable reading it. I’m Christian. I practice my faith, but this book was written by men who are far more zealous in their faith than I am in mine.
The authors write about sexual purity and a man’s relationship to God. Their recommendations seem a little extreme – suggesting that men avoid not only pornography but also magazine advertisements and movies with a rating over PG-13.
The more I read, the more I understood why the chaplains had ordered the book. The second half of the book is about protecting the marriage. It talks about how to handle yourself if you become attracted to someone else. It offers a behavior strategy should someone become attracted to you.
The authors don’t say if; they say when. They don’t write as though men are idiots or slaves of passion. They remind their male readers to honor and cherish the women they married, to remember what their wives gave up to be married to them.
I am a little leery when it comes to imposing a specific faith’s teachings on military men. Still, I can’t stop thinking about that woman in the bookstore. I can’t stop thinking about her husband. This sexual purity kit is a tool that chaplains are turning to to help families like that one. It isn’t the only tool against pornography, but it certainly may be the most powerful one yet.
I know quite a few women who would disagree with you on that. From what I understand, women get just as horny as men; they just hide it better.
Pornography is far more prevalent among men than women. Women are usually not visual in their approach to sex. There are exceptions to every rule, but porn addiction is far more common among men.
It is a private act and society has to decide when freedom is causing too much trouble for the rest of us. Most people who use porn do it in the privacy of their homes, with no intrusion into the lives of anyone else. It's the largest selling product on the internet. Most people use it and don't bother anyone. That's a fact. It's just like guns.
I am a baby boomer and remember the squalor of the neighborhood porn business. They are pretty much gone, the smut shops, massage parlors and adult businesses of my day. People prefer to use these materials in private. I do not use pornography myself, but find it very harmful to crusade against what others can read and view in privacy. Eventually the fanatics will come after what I read and view in my home, including the Bible.
We are already extreme in these matters. Notice that the Andy Griffith Show and I Love Lucy now contain content ratings when the shows begin. That is absolute whackiness.
How old are you?
Luke, you're right. There was a show on 60 minutes about the Porn Industry. They went to one of the porn conventions in Las Vegas. The MAJORITY of attendees were married couples over the age of 40. They were your next door neighbors. If they want to view porn in the privacy of their own home, why the hell not? You can use the "bad for society" for anything then...guns...tobacco...alcohol...I thought we were for freedom...what goes on in a marriage is between a man and a woman. Final.
For homo-friendly, pro-choice, big gubmint Liberals?
Not a chance in Hell.
For Christian conservatives who believe in moral absolutes? Hell Yes.
23.
Are you divorced? If so, was it because of physical abuse?
What if someone said the same thing about abusing women in the "privacy of their own home"?
From personal experience, I disagree.
BTW, most women DON'T read those novels.
What on Earth are you talking about? If my husband watches porn it's the same thing as him hitting me??...oh, this I've gotta hear.
By the way, why would you think I was divorced...I can't think of one thing I wrote that would lead you to believe that....are you divorced?
Sorry Hildy, I'm not buying your rationalization. Plenty of people both men and women live celibate lives. Married men (and women) who don't can certainly exhibit enough self control to live without their porn.
I've never known of a woman having a porn collection much less sharing it.
What about the 90%(ish) of the world inbetween those two sides?
re: your comment concerning women's overreaction to men's porn viewing:
I think this, like most things, are different for different people. I have a friend that right now is living hell with her husband who has refused to have sex with her since she doesn't look like the 'women on the internet'. What's she to do? She's got 3 little kids, and is pretty decent, a little overweight, but really pretty and friendly.
I think that she should take her husband's credit and spring for a complete overhaul... I mean all the 'women on the internet' have probably resorted to enhancements of all types, why should she have to compete with that if her husband will deprive her of the same perks.
What do you think?
Sarah
I think your friend has more problems than not looking like the girls on the internet. If he wasn't looking at them, he's probably find another reason not to have sex with her. It's easy for women to blame something other than themselves. And sometimes it's really not their fault. That marriage has bigger problems than porn.
Therefore, when virtual reality becomes cheaper than dating, society is doomed.
Maybe not just cheaper, possibly less stressful, as:
"I can open the door for MYSELF, you Chauvinist PIG!"
...etc.
But why should they? Really. You can say that about any so called vice. If you're a woman, and being overweight is detrimental to your marriage...shouldn't women have enough self-control to control their weight and not overeat? But as always, women blame that on men too.
Germaine Greer, "The Female Eunuch".
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