Posted on 11/25/2005 10:42:22 AM PST by Congressman Billybob
My wife, Kemberly, has left. That’s ordinary enough. It happens a few million times a year, assuming that half of all American divorces are the wife’s idea. But this is about the why, not the what, of that decision.
The why is unique, and extraordinary. If I were she, and she were I, I would do the same thing. (Work on it. That sentence is grammatically correct.)
My wife has been offered the job of Head Chef of a new restaurant out of town, to be built and run to her specifications. To that you say, well, some commuter marriages work. Not this time. The restaurant is a few miles outside Pago Pago in American Samoa. And that is 8,000 miles from my home in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Our situation raises an interesting philosophical question. Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?
Here’s our story. The Internet recounted its beginning, so it’s appropriate it should recount its end. We began with serendipity, a Newsweek recommendation of my column that brought me together with a lady from Indiana who read it. We end with serendipity, also.
Anyone with skills as a chef, and manager, and caterer, would jump at the opportunity to run a brand-new, four-star restaurant, if such an opening came to his/her attention. A fair number of you are closet chefs. You watch the Food Network. You think maybe you could chuck your humdrum day job and build a satisfying future with a special food product, or a brand-new restaurant. You know who you are. I saw you smile.
But opportunities like that aren’t advertised in the paper. Like much else which appears in the newspapers, things aren’t what they claim. You can rest assured that a help wanted ad that says it offers the “Opportunity of a Lifetime,” doesn’t.
Here’s the story behind this story. Back in June, Kem made a business trip to American Samoa. The population is about 67,000, but of those the ones who come from mainland US or other nations are a smaller group and everyone knows everybody. When anyone new shows up, the residents get to know him/her promptly. It’s the equivalent of waiting for the stage in the American West a century ago.
Anyway, it turns out that a group of businessmen were interested in creating a new, four-star restaurant near Pago Pago. They knew what they wanted, but not who would do it. Enter a talented woman from North Carolina. Everybody invites each other in that group home for dinner. (There ain’t a lot of nighttime entertainment in Samoa.)
So, the folks on the island found out that Kem is a fine cook. They also found out that she knows her way around commercial equipment and management for kitchens, and multiple styles of cooking from many nations. To make a long story short, she had an opportunity to become Head Chef, and partner, with full creative control.
She looked at three possible locations for the restaurant, two for new construction and one a mansion with wrap-around porches overlooking the Pacific. Think of the architecture and environment described in Somerset Maugham’s famous short story, “Rain.” He was living on Samoa when he wrote that.
Kem has not described to me how long it took her to consider this offer that came out of the blue. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt my feelings worse by telling me that her delay was measured in nanoseconds rather than days or weeks. In any event, she returned to North Carolina, and immediately told me the good news (or bad news, depending on your viewpoint).
I understood right away how incredible this opportunity was for her, and why she wanted to accept it. So, instead of getting hysterical, I’ve worked with her on such details as getting a long-term, no-cut contract, and possible copyright issues with the name of the restaurant. So there you have it; probably the most extraordinary reason for the end of a marriage that you’ve ever heard.
Will I miss Kem? You bet. Do I wish her well? Absolutely. Since many readers of my columns are friends of both of us, drop her a line care of my address and I’ll get it to her. And if you’re in Pago Pago in about 14 months, look her up at the club, have “a Thanksgiving dinner that can’t be beat,” and say hello.
About the Author: John Armor is a First Amendment attorney and author who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu
If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Sorry to hear this Billybob. No fret man, there will be more ladies than you can shake a stick at in the future, but I know you won't want to hear that now. In years to come, you also are likely to find out there was more to this whole thing than you now might think.
So take a good dose of skeptical scotch and keep it on hand brother, and hang in there, the best is yet to come
in finding THE woman!
I really enjoy reading all of your postings and I hope to keep seeing them here as you go through this transition!
You both have my prayers. May God bless you and keep you!
fyi
Why would ANYONE post their personal business online????
How many ways can you cook a Yam or roast a pig?
Happens all the time in the military...people work with it...
No.
Agreed. That anyone would cheapens marriage. It becomes a business venture rather than a building block of society.
Best of luck to you.
Best of luck to you. May God comfort you.
Simple answer - No, I wouldn't leave nor would I expect my wife to leave for the "chance of a lifetime." Our marriage is our "chance of a lifetime". My wife gave up a tremendous career to follow me overseas and if she had said she didn't want to move, I would have stayed, no questions asked.
If a DUmmie had written this article, FReepers would be ripping the author a new a#&hole! Complaining about lack of commitment to marriage in general, etc, etc, etc. And you would be justified in your criticisms.
What part of, "For better or worse, 'til death do us part." do you not understand? Or is it "til a great job opportunity do us part"?
Nothing easy about it. I've been through a divorce that I didn't want, and it was one of the worst things a human being can go through. In hindsight, the divorce enabled all the really wonderful things that have happened since, but I had no way of knowing that, then. So, it is with the voice of painful experience that I wish them both well.
Hold on a second - that's sort of a non-sequitur. You are leaving something out: are you getting divorced because you don't want go to Samoa with her or because she doesn't want you to come?
Are you the one putting your career in North Carolina ahead of the marriage?
Your priorities are whacked, dude.
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