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Posted on 08/04/2005 11:13:08 PM PDT by Mama_Bear
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 or .45Man at danbh59@yahoo.com and include Freeper Photo Album in subject line. |
Every Thursday at the Finest  |
Cat Diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage....
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
Following are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat:
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Don't get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out to grab anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely,
The DOG
Thank you for the welcome!
Hushpuppie and I look forward to having lots of fun and meeting new friends.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Hahahahaha, oh boy!
LOL. Great fun, but I really must get to bed. Early rise. Have a good evening and God bless.
Night night, Nan. Sweet dreams.
Yes, indeed, he is that!
Very cute graphic, louie. :-)
Coolbeans!
Thanks so much Mama_Bear. It's great to be here!
Hi, Nan!
Purrrrr-fect Graphics!
I like the kitty in the Tortilla Chip bag the best!
Jack.
That's not too far off from how I would wash Paw~la when she came home from a night under out neighbor's Audi Diesel, Nan.
I'd turn on the water and adjust it. Then Put Paw~la in the tub and close the glass shower doors. Once she calmed down after scratching at the tub, trying to escape; I'd take a palmful of shampoo and work it into her fur. Usually sharing the tub with her. She looked so miserable and made the most pathetic sounds as I'd wash, then rinse her off.
She couldn't get out of the tub fast enough to fo outside and dry off.
Jack
But I think there's a prob with sizing. I just checked the size of your graphic and it says 125X125. The original was 175X175.
Your puppie doesn't look clear to me. Don't know what the prob is.
Did you change the size for posting? Very strange.
The original at 175X175
New size 125X125...
What do you think, fuzzy? Maybe my computer is out of sync. : )
Well, er....ah....I bumped into your 'post'. Almost the same thing. : )
G'nite, doll. ((((((Nan)))))
But *you* are cuter than any cat. : )
You've landed in the right place. : )
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