FReeper Canteen~What Makes You Laugh?~July 28, 2005~

July 27, 2005 | bentfeather

[Soaring Feather]

For the freedom you enjoyed yesterday...
Thank the Veterans who served in The United States Armed Forces.

Looking forward to tomorrow's freedom?
Support The United States Armed Forces Today!

Good morning TROOPS!!
What makes you laugh??
Post your funny cartoons, jokes, anything you enjoy!

This one always cracks me up!

You Might Be A Soldier If..

Silly cartoon characters??

What tickles your funny bone??
A good joke, funny cartoons, a practical joker?

Computer humor?

"Why We Love Kids"

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2. HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

3. OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

4. KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

5. MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

6. POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

7. POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

8. ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

9. DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

10. DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

11. SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk."

12. BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

bentfeather

[luvie]

Okay--here's one for you!

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Better?

[MS.BEHAVIN]

LOL
You sound like Mr.B!!
I want a Euro styling kit on her..
Sigh..
Why couldn't I have been rich instead of good looking?
;o)
Ms.B

[EsmeraldaA]

I'm back! Hello hehe

[Army Air Corps]

One outta two ain't bad. :-)

[luvie]

I have a Japanese car--but I would never even pretend that it is hot! They sound like an angry bee when guys try to rev them at a light. It is laughable.

They haven't made anything since the early 90's that has any kind of power. All the EPA crud has ruined fast cars!

[MS.BEHAVIN]

LOL

This is what I want her to look like!

Someday...

[EsmeraldaA]

Sorry I didn't answer you before, I had to log off.

[luvie]

Awwwww--what a cute little car. Is this the one you drove today? What kind is it...it looks like an Escort.

[SevenofNine]

This really tick me off there is report off BBC wire that Van Gogh killer who may be link to terror group and be in charge in the morning claim that there was talk of Al Quada going after LAX my hometown airport in 2001 before Sept 11 couldn't get the plan together

THAT TICK ME OFF

[NYTexan]

" If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle."


Still LMAO!

Ya got us guy's pegged

[luvie]

Hi, again, Es! Wondered where ya went--then I had to go, too. Then I came back and you didn't and now you're here! And--it's nearly 1am again. I can't seem to give up early!

[Kathy in Alaska]

Es.....((HUGS)) how are you this evening? Good day?

[luvie]

It's so easy! LOL!

[MS.BEHAVIN]

!!!!!!!!
An ESCORT??
LOL
No, that's a vintage VW Scirocco...
It's a low slung really fast car...
Handles like a dream...
It's what an Escort wants to be when it grows up!
LOL
My daily driver is a black VW Jetta
Ms.B

[EsmeraldaA]

I know the feeling! LOL!

SO; Alexa is the MOST well behaved baby Ever! LOL!

This is the general opinion, NOT mine.....

[luvie]

Oops! Sorry Lucretia!

It just sorta looks like the "vintage" Escort my son drove when he was in college. LOL!

You must really love VW's. We had a VW 411 once. Silver. It was so neat that we had storage in the front and in the back--it was a station wagon....engine in the rear underneath the deck. I loved that car...but we were always having problems with it.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Welcome to the Canteen, gonzo. Good joke. Cool cop car....looks like Kern county, CA.

[SevenofNine]

NOT COOL there another report off Interfax wire main Russia beer and vodka company is saying they may folded or file Russian version of Chapter 11 because of down profit and Russia govt telling them stop produce beer to youth market LOL!

Report is that same Russian company may sell their Russia company go to Chicago Great Cubs and Bears fan get all loaded

I think Vlad forget that shalt not strict drinking of beer

[Kathy in Alaska]

Thanks, ms feather, for the Canteen Blessing for the Troops.

[luvie]

Yeah, yeah! We know how gramma's are!

Just kidding--I'll bet she really is an angel. Does she have lots of hair? What color is it? What color are her eyes? Is she gaining weight well? How're the proud parents doing?