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SUVs : The Death of the Dinosaurs (Vanity)
grey_whiskers | 7-17-2005 | grey_whiskers

Posted on 07/17/2005 1:25:15 PM PDT by grey_whiskers

Let me be the first to predict the imminent death of the SUV's as a preferred form of transportation. This is not because the drivers are Starbucks-sipping yuppie scum, nor because they are chain-smoking over-the-hill-trophy wives, nor because they are preoccupied with their cell phones (though these are all true).

It is because the SUV's, despite their name, are not SPORT utility vehicles, but specialty UTILITY vehicles, good for ferrying half of a boy scout troop, or hauling home several months' salary worth of goods from Best Buy or from Home Depot in a single trip. In other words, they are large, lumbering, and specialized. Just like the dinosaurs. And like the dinosaurs, when the environment to which they have laboriously adapted changes--when their ecosystem changes—they will go extinct.

Just what is it that will spell the end of these suburban monsters? I used to think it was a spike in gas prices: surely no one can continue driving an 8- or 12- mpg beast in the face of $2.00+ per gallon charges at the pump. But I was wrong. These vehicles are status symbols. They are not Babe Mobiles, like a BMW roadster; these are what you buy after you have landed the babe and she has domesticated you, when you want to impress other couples. I have heard a yuppie explain this very point, when asked why he didn't abandon his new Durango, even though he was burning two gallons of gas a day, just commuting to work. "That's not the statement I'm trying to make." The automakers (even with 0% financing) must need supercomputers just to count their lease payments. And the “now all customers can have the employee discount” sales aren’t helping either.

Well, if it isn't gas, what will spell the end of the SUV? I think the answer is, when they outlive their natural utility (no pun intended). What are the SUV's used for, really? Certainly not (except maybe the Xterra or Hummer) for serious off-road work. They cost too much to buy, and you don't want to damage a leased vehicle! As noted earlier, SUV's excel at hauling around small people, buying stuff at Home Depot, and impressing the neighbors. When will these functions die off?

Let us remember that ever since the 60's, the vanguard of every cultural movement has been the baby boomers--from rock 'n roll, through Doonesbury, to career women, and SUV's. Boomers have delayed parenthood until late in their lives; now they have children at the same time as they have money. Boomers like a large house, they want a large vehicle to carry the furniture and hardware; they use the SUV for soccer practice, piano practice, singing lessons, birthdays, you name it.

But children grow older; they want their own cars. (How many people really let a 16-year old drive a $40,000 vehicle that they don't even own? And how much is the insurance?) Finally, the children move out. Now there is no need at all for ferrying the children; and the large house out in the 'burbs begins to feel 'empty'…”Honey, maybe we should look into a condominium, or a townhouse?” And as the large house is downsized, there too goes the need for a wheeled dinosaur to haul lumber, furniture, plumbing. The day of the dinosaurs is done. And (by the way) the automakers will have to turn to another guaranteed profit center. Caveat emptor.

(Full disclosure: SUV's are also good for mashing subcompacts under their tires like a dinosaur stomping a frightened rabbit. The author drives a Nissan Sentra. This fact has nothing whatsoever to do with the contents of this article.)


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: attackofthedinsaurs; babyboomers; dinsaur; dinsaurs; energy; gasoline; humor; suv; whiskersvanity
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To: Grampa Dave; Xenalyte

Aw... Just tell that ding-bat to "stifle!" (Oh! And to go get you a beer!!!)


121 posted on 07/17/2005 3:14:37 PM PDT by SierraWasp (What other nation could spear a comet in deep space on independence holiday? God Bless America!!!)
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To: qam1
Without a doubt, I am elite, because unlike all you other idiots I actually KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.

Substantiation of one's comments is a recommended prerequisite at FR.

If you are unable to fulfill this as such, perhaps the DU can be a more comforting atmoshpere for you.

122 posted on 07/17/2005 3:16:43 PM PDT by EGPWS
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To: Grampa Dave

Jeez, Gramps, maybe you need to up the Geritol.


123 posted on 07/17/2005 3:16:48 PM PDT by Xenalyte (Anything is possible when you don't understand how anything happens.)
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To: Question Liberal Authority

boy scouts are immoral.


124 posted on 07/17/2005 3:17:16 PM PDT by johnb838 (Dominus Vobiscum)
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To: pa mom
We show dogs

What breed?

125 posted on 07/17/2005 3:19:03 PM PDT by mupcat
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To: mewzilla

Minivans are just as expensive and get as poor gas mileage as SUVs. They're just lower. That's what you people really want, isn't it. You want people not to ride high.


126 posted on 07/17/2005 3:19:58 PM PDT by johnb838 (Dominus Vobiscum)
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To: Xenalyte; Grampa Dave

See? What'd I tell ya... now we have evidence of cramps!!!


127 posted on 07/17/2005 3:21:15 PM PDT by SierraWasp (What other nation could spear a comet in deep space on independence holiday? God Bless America!!!)
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To: Reactionary

I'm 67 and don't have any kids to haul around and i'm not giving up my pickup, I wouldn't drive one of the tin cans they sell today if I was paid to. With the tools I carry i'm 5,100# empty, don't get in my way or i'll flatten you.


128 posted on 07/17/2005 3:21:50 PM PDT by dalereed
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To: Armedanddangerous

I just did a little Yahoo History check.

There were wood body Suburbs in the 1920's to early 30's.

The steel body based on a truck body came in the 1930's:

" The steel wagon on a commercial chassis was dubbed "Carryall-Suburban" and saw listing in the Chevrolet catalog for '35, and GMC brought out its version for '37. Although the panel was evolving towards a steel body during this same time, it still had the fabric covered wood roof in '36. The Carryall-Suburban traces its heritage to the Canopy Express. This is not just because of the gov't sales of these models in 33 & 34, but because of the parts used to build them. The first Carryall-Suburbans had a drop down tailgate in the rear opening. The hinges and fixtures for this tailgate were incorporated into the rear edges of the body sides which were manufactured for a tailgate, not for (a) side-hinged door(s). The "barn doors" option for the rear of the Carryall-Suburban was first listed for '38. As often happens, this option actually appeared in production sometime during the model year prior to its official listings. Some unknown number of '37 model Carryall-Suburbans left the factory with the double rear doors. This is attested to by Lou, an Early 'Burb member who owns a pair of unmodified '37 barn door Carryalls. That these are not early '38 models is shown by the VIN's as well as the placement of the gas tank attachment points. ('37 tank attached to body, '38 to frame)"


129 posted on 07/17/2005 3:22:16 PM PDT by Grampa Dave (The MSM is trying to make us believe, Judith Miller is in jail to protect Karl Rove!)
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To: SierraWasp

Is that the best material you have?

"She sounds like a mean woman, so she must be having cramps"?


130 posted on 07/17/2005 3:22:47 PM PDT by Xenalyte (Anything is possible when you don't understand how anything happens.)
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To: Xenalyte; Grampa Dave

Send her over some Midol... That oughta help a little!!! (grin)


131 posted on 07/17/2005 3:22:49 PM PDT by SierraWasp (What other nation could spear a comet in deep space on independence holiday? God Bless America!!!)
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To: SierraWasp; Xenalyte; Grampa Dave
This is one funny thread.....a crock of crap but funny ! Get me a Beer........ROTFLMAO !!
132 posted on 07/17/2005 3:23:27 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. ©)
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To: RedTail
SUV driver pulls wayyyy up to make a left thus blocking my vision.

heh heh. I love doing that. heh heh.

133 posted on 07/17/2005 3:23:38 PM PDT by johnb838 (Dominus Vobiscum)
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To: Reactionary

SUV's should have been named VIAD's (Vehicles for Insecure, Arrogant Dorks)


134 posted on 07/17/2005 3:24:58 PM PDT by mindspy
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To: Grampa Dave
Next is the contractor heading home after a day with his loaded pickup

Loaded full of illegals?

135 posted on 07/17/2005 3:26:21 PM PDT by johnb838 (Dominus Vobiscum)
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To: dalereed
I'm 67 and don't have any kids to haul around and i'm not giving up my pickup, I wouldn't drive one of the tin cans they sell today if I was paid to. With the tools I carry i'm 5,100# empty, don't get in my way or i'll flatten you.

Why would you even question your preference in a vehicle as a citizen of the US

Is it now a question of personal contemplation to have preference with anything that is legal anymore?

136 posted on 07/17/2005 3:27:19 PM PDT by EGPWS
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To: johnb838

Both legal and illegals!

Actually the illegals when sober drive more carefully. They can't afford to run a red light with an invalid driver's license and no insurance. Their truck is taken away and towed away to the county yard for auction.


137 posted on 07/17/2005 3:28:27 PM PDT by Grampa Dave (The MSM is trying to make us believe, Judith Miller is in jail to protect Karl Rove!)
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To: TexasTransplant
tthe worst vehicle I ever owned was a Pickup, sort of, it was an El Camino

Did you upgrade to AstroTurf?

138 posted on 07/17/2005 3:28:47 PM PDT by Question Liberal Authority ("There is no terrorist threat! There is no terrorist threat!" - Michael Moore)
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To: Squantos

"What a crock...."

Couldn’t agree with you more! Wonder how many SUV’s there are here in OUR little town?


139 posted on 07/17/2005 3:29:01 PM PDT by Maria S
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To: Xenalyte; Grampa Dave
Hey! Ya gotta admit!! That rant he leveled at Freepers like you, back up the thread a ways, was one bichin rant!!! Now you really do look a little silly, so don't git upset that with each successive reply you're buying into a little more ridicule each time... As he says, "you've already lost this battle."

Give it up for... GRAMPA DAVE!!!

140 posted on 07/17/2005 3:29:05 PM PDT by SierraWasp (What other nation could spear a comet in deep space on independence holiday? God Bless America!!!)
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