"That may be too late!"

GeekDejure | May 3rd, 2005 | GeekDejure

[GeekDejure]

Hello Freepers... it's Alex (GeekDekure) here...

Laura, my darling wife of 30 wonderful years, has been in the hospital, dying from the devastating effects of severe cancer. I talked to her on the phone at 5:00 this evening. I told her I'd be at her bedside on Wednesday morning at 11:00. In a quiet, muffled, fast breathing voice she said, "That may be too late!"

Later... at 7:45... I received a call from Laura's son, Mark. "Sorry to have to tell you, Alex... Mom died at 7 o'clock !!!"

Freepers... I really feel like a totally useless piece of sh!t. Good grief... I couldn't even be at my wife's bedside when she died !!! Eeeyuch... just another reason for me to hate myself... and no, I surely don't need therapy. I'll live with it privately until I eventually join her in Heaven above !!!

Laura and I are followers of Yahweh (the true Name of the Most High). And despite losing her to the cancerous infestation that finally overtook her ability to survive, I am still convinced that the Force ( Yahweh ) is with us !!!

click...click... Alex (GeekDejure) ;-((

[timtoews5292004]

If God had meant for you to be with her when she passed, you would have been. Try to take comfort in that

I agree. It was not meant for you to see her pass. You are in my prayers.

[AKA Elena]

How sad for you and how glad she must be to be in His arms at last.

Let yourself grieve and leave out your absence.

[derllak]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your wife knew you loved her very much. You've experienced a devastating loss - please don't beat yourself up over something that can't be changed.
Be gentle and patient with yourself! You'll be in my prayers.
Hugs to you!!

[DM1]

I am truly sorry for your loss
Take care my friend, God Bless

[Salvation]

May the Lord God our Father bless you at this time.

[Salvation]

Grief has many stages. One book that is a good read is On Daeath and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

In it she talks about the phase of grief:

Denial -- In my case I did not want to accept that my husband was dying of lung cancer -- I would not go to the hospital for his first round of chemotherapy.

Bargaining -- I bargained with God pleading with Him to let my husband live, saying that I would be the best wife and mother possible.

Depression -- I slowly felt myself sinking -- I operated a busniess attached to my home and would collapse in a recliner at 6:00 PM not caring about eating and definitely not wanting to crawl into the cold bed alone.

Anger -- I was angry with God, angry with my spouse for ever having smoked, angry with cigarettes, angry, angry, angry. I did a lot of wailing and yelling at God in this phase.

Acceptance -- Finally after a few years I was able to approace the possibility of moving on with my life.

My children (5) were ages 10-19 when my husband died. But I have come through this valley of grief. There is always hope.......with God's help!

Now you have some insight into my screename.

[Salvation]

Prayer Ping!

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Please post your prayers to GeekDejure;

[Salvation]

Beginning Experience -- a weekend retreat in your area to work through grief and reach the healing that is possible for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one

[netmilsmom]

It seems very tough, but you actually were with her.

As my dear departed mother used to say when I felt horrible guilt for something stupid I did to her as a teenager.

"Baby, when I am in Heaven, nothing you did will make me feel bad."

Your wife is looking at you now through Heavenly Eyes. She doesn't care if your body wasn't with her, she knows your soul was there.

[Salvation]

Psalms
Chapter 22

1

^{1 2} For the leader; according to "The deer of the dawn." A psalm of David.

2

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my call for help, from my cries of anguish?

3

My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I have no relief.

4

Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the glory of Israel.

5

In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted and you rescued them.

6

To you they cried out and they escaped; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

7

³ But I am a worm, hardly human, scorned by everyone, despised by the people.

8

All who see me mock me; they curl their lips and jeer; they shake their heads at me:

9

"You relied on the LORD--let him deliver you; if he loves you, let him rescue you."

10

Yet you drew me forth from the womb, made me safe at my mother's breast.

11

Upon you I was thrust from the womb; since birth you are my God.

12

Do not stay far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help.

13

⁴ Many bulls surround me; fierce bulls of Bashan encircle me.

14

They open their mouths against me, lions that rend and roar.

15

Like water my life drains away; all my bones grow soft. My heart has become like wax, it melts away within me.

16

⁵ As dry as a potsherd is my throat; my tongue sticks to my palate; you lay me in the dust of death.

17

Many dogs surround me; a pack of evildoers closes in on me. So wasted are my hands and feet

18

that I can count all my bones. They stare at me and gloat;

19

they divide my garments among them; for my clothing they cast lots.

20

But you, LORD, do not stay far off; my strength, come quickly to help me.

21

Deliver me from the sword, my forlorn life from the teeth of the dog.

22

Save me from the lion's mouth, my poor life from the horns of wild bulls.

23

⁶ Then I will proclaim your name to the assembly; in the community I will praise you:

24

"You who fear the LORD, give praise! All descendants of Jacob, give honor; show reverence, all descendants of Israel!

25

⁷ For God has not spurned or disdained the misery of this poor wretch, Did not turn away from me, but heard me when I cried out.

26

I will offer praise in the great assembly; my vows I will fulfill before those who fear him.

27

⁸ The poor will eat their fill; those who seek the LORD will offer praise. May your hearts enjoy life forever!"

28

All the ends of the earth will worship and turn to the LORD; All the families of nations will bow low before you.

29

For kingship belongs to the LORD, the ruler over the nations.

30

⁹ All who sleep in the earth will bow low before God; All who have gone down into the dust will kneel in homage.

31

And I will live for the LORD; my descendants will serve you.

32

The generation to come will be told of the Lord, that they may proclaim to a people yet unborn the deliverance you have brought.

[wideawake]

Prayers for you. BTW, what is a "follower of Yahweh" - as opposed to a standard-issue Jew, Noachide or Christian?

[cubreporter]

I have relatives that live in my hometown who were there the night my mother died at home. My sister was there earlier in the day (my mother was not sick or anything) yet around 11pm she had an attack and passed away while my aunt and cousin were visiting. My dad was working a part time job and was away from the house.

10 years later...my dad passed in pretty much the same manner. The same relatives were there but working.

This is my humble opinion but...sometimes I think either God wants it this way for one reason or another or our loved ones want it this way and that is why that happens.

My point is: You could have been with her for hours that night and soon after you left, she could have passed on. They go when they are ready and not before. Don't be so hard on yourself. She is with her Lord and free of all earthly problems and free of pain forever as we all will be when our time comes.

Rejoice in the love you shared together and may the happy memories soon become uppermost in your mind.

We wish you peace and comfort.

[gopheraj]

:^(((

love ya.

[Alkhin]

G-d be with you. She knows you love her. She probably knows that now more than ever. Do not let guilt turn your sorrow into something bitter and cold. Grieve for her, but remember your life together.

[mafree]

Very sorry for your loss. God bless you and the rest of your family.

[no more apples]

May He bless you with peace and comfort. May He hold your wife within His loving arms. Amen.

[FourtySeven]

I'll keep your family in my prayers. Don't dwell on the issue of not being there, it's as other FReepers said: It's useless guilt.

[franky]

Greater good comes from our carrying our crosses.

You may not be aware of this greater good at this time but pray for her that she is or will be with our Lord.

She in turn will return your prayer and the Holy Spirit will comfort you.

[Smartass]

SEARCHING FOR GOD

O Lord my God, Teach my heart this day
where and how to see you, where and
how to find you.

You have made me and remade me and
you have bestowed on me all the good
things I possess And still
I do not know you.

I have not yet done that for which
I was made.

Teach me to seek you for I cannot seek
you unless you teach me or find you
unless you show yourself to me.

Let me seek you in my desire Let me
desire you in my seeking.

Let me find you by loving you
Let me love you when I find you.
Amen.

[anonymoussierra]

On behalf of my wife Sara-Anonymoussierra and me, I extend my condolences. What you going through, is much harder and more devastating. Losing someone so special is beyond human comprehension. However try to look beyond our existence and have faith in God; after all she's in better place now. I wish I could help you somehow; however only way I can do it is to tell you, she is ok now and everything will be alright. I hope this helps you.

Thanks-Thank you