Freeper Canteen: Tell me your favorite joke! Come join us. April 12,2005

Canteen funny guys

[Kathy in Alaska]

Hmmmmm.......I don't know about the passengers. LOL!

[Kathy in Alaska]

my.....#1250!!

[rock58seg]

A Texas Aggie gets married. A few weeks later the bride is in to see the Chaplain. She complains that if, "things don't get better", she is going to ask for a divorce. The Chaplain says, "tell me the problems, and I will have a talk with him."

So she explains he never gives her any money, he's always out late, and when they have sex, he never lets her on top.

So the Chaplain calls him in and asks about her complaints.

The Aggie explains, "look we're newlyweds just starting out and one of the first things I learned in the A&M Banking school, take care of your money and your money will take care of you. So I'm just using what I learned in Banking school."

"About the being out late, in orientation they taught us about working hard and getting good grades. It's one of the first things I learned here in the Business School. So I'm at the library till all hours researching and studying."

The Chaplain says, "ok that makes sense and I will go to bat for you and try to help your wife understand. But, what about never letting her on top when you have sex?

The Aggie explains, "Oh that's the first thing I learned in the Cadet Corps, Never Screw Up."

[Fawnn]

...attributed to Steve Wright:
"When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

I've always thought that was an Emo joke. I know this one is (an Emo joke):

"Grandma was brain dead, but her heart was still beating. ... First time we ever had a Democrat in the family." ;)

[rock58seg]

Two young boys are waiting their turn outside the operating room. The seven year old asks the six year old, "what are you here for?"
The six year old says, "well I'm gonna have my tonsils out."
The seven tyear old says, "I had that done when I was five, piece of cake, they put you to sleep, you wake up with a bit of sore throat and they give you all the ice cream you can eat!
The six year old asks the other what he is there for.
He replies he's there for a circumcision.
The six year old exclaims, WHOA!! I had that done when I was born and I couldn,t walk for a year!

[E.G.C.]

BTTT!!!!!!

[E.G.C.]

Music bump.

[E.G.C.]

Music bump.

[E.G.C.]

BTTT!!!!!!

[E.G.C.]

BTT!!!!!!

[txradioguy]

Hiya DDG. I'm ok. Went out and walked nine holes for PT. It's been a good day.

[GodBlessUSA]

LOL! Thanks Kathy!

[GodBlessUSA]

Hi Kathy Thanks for pinging me! I love Donald Rumsfeld, certainly a true leader. I'm so proud he's there thanking our Troops!!

[zip]

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful childrenbeyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, ! the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see ifthings might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect,just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

[JCEccles]

Old Uncle Bob was a rabid Republican his entire life, taking the fight for smaller government and lower taxes to the vile democrats every chance he got, even refusing to allow his daughter to marry a democrat. On his death bed he called his family to his bedside as he was about to expire. "Bring me a voter registration form," he said his son, who dutifully complied. Then to the astonishment of is family, with his strength ebbing away, he feebly checked the party affiliation block marked "Democrat" and signed the form. There was uncomfortable silence in the room, for no one wanted to challenge Uncle Bob. Finally, his daughter said, "Dad, you've been the most uncompromising Republican in the county for 60 years. How can you become a democrat now?" A sly smile worked itself upon Uncle Bob's lips as he replied in a hoarse whisper, "Because in ten minutes I'll be dead, and there will one less democrat in the county."

[JCEccles]

Old Uncle Bob was a rabid Republican his entire life, taking the fight for smaller government and lower taxes to the vile democrats every chance he got, even refusing to allow his daughter to marry a democrat. On his death bed he called his family to his bedside as he was about to expire. "Bring me a voter registration form," he said his son, who dutifully complied. Then to the astonishment of his family, with his strength ebbing away, he feebly checked the party affiliation block marked "Democrat" and signed the form. There was uncomfortable silence in the room, for no one wanted to challenge Uncle Bob. Finally, his daughter said, "Dad, you've been the most uncompromising Republican in the county for 60 years. How can you become a democrat now?" A sly smile worked itself upon Uncle Bob's lips as he replied in a hoarse whisper, "Because in ten minutes I'll be dead, and there will be one less democrat in the county."

(corrected version)

[Kathy in Alaska]

Catching up.....

LOL at the customs dogs. What cool "uniforms" they are wearing.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Finally caught up.............

Thanks to you all for sharing your jokes.

[TASMANIANRED]

This is a place marker.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Whoa!