Since Apr 27, 2003

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FReeper Canteen wOOhOO Consultant:

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     woohoo for the freeper canteen


     imagine no whiny anti-war types

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Hi! Thanks for stopping by to learn more about me.

I'm the author of Lazy About Grilling: the feet up, hands down easiest ways to barbecue, Alpha Teach Yourself Grammar and Style in 24 Hours, and other books.


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Writing Woes comic strip

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Chronic Illness Realities comic strip

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(I think therefore I'm halfway there....)

Humor attempts:

In October 2002, I submitted the following as my "audition" for a humor list that was a part of TopFive.com -- the Mini-Fivers Conservative Politics List. I wrote for that list the few short months it was in existence. I have some of the actual lists online at Fawnn.com, but until I get ambitious and post specific links here, you'll have to hunt through the home page, The Observational Therapist, and assorted blog-style pages to find them. For now, here's the audition:

The Top 5 Differences Between a Memorial Service and a DNC Rally

5. Clinton sits closer to Hillary.

4. The party faithful actually admit to being liberal.

3. They dig up has-been politicians, instead of burying Republicans.

2. Cheering hoards in attendance only receive two absentee ballots each, instead of the usual five.

1. Balloons don't drop from the ceiling; they're used to elevate the urns.

Copyright © 2002-2006 Pamela Rice Hahn

Here's one of the published lists:

January 2, 2003

The Top 10 Holiday Presents for the Conservative in Your Life

10> A fireproof flag.

9> Another stack of Barbra Streisand albums to toss on the fire.

8> Al Sharpton as the Dems' 2004 candidate, with Nancy Pelosi for Veep.

7> Let's see, we already have the White House, Congress, and the Supreme Court. What else do we need?

6> Lott turns into a pillar of salt.

5> Hillary's head on a platter.

4> A moratorium on phone calls during the hours of noon and 6pm, when Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are on the air.

3> A combination pacemaker/Iraqi weapons-locator for Cheney.

2> Ann Coulter's body and Peggy Noonan's rationality. Do *not* mix that up.

and the Number 1 Holiday Present for the Conservative in Your Life...

1> A "Victimeter" to tell me when I'm getting too close to someone I have to be all PC around.

[Copyright 2002 by Chris White -- http://www.topfive.com]

Selected from 17 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
Ron Tibbins, Reno, NV --------- 1 (3rd #1)
Wendy Szarkowski, Camden, NJ -- 2
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL ------ 3, 6
Pamela Rice Hahn, Celina, OH -- 4
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -------- 5, 10
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD --- 7, 8, 9 (Hat trick!)
Mitch Berg, St. Paul, MN ------ List Moderator

Holiday Presents for the Conservative in Your Life
RUNNERS UP list -- Red Underwear

The usual: a vast right-wing conspiracy pin-up calendar.
(Pamela Rice Hahn, Celina, OH)

An "In 2002, we picked up a few; in 2004, we're gonna roar" bumper sticker.
(Pamela Rice Hahn, Celina, OH)

Mondale was fun. Now, how about another chance to tease Dukakis?
(Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD)

Well, I'm not sure about what I should get for the other conservatives in my life, but I know I'm hoping for a nice 50-ish- Christian-conservative-intellectual-faithful-monogamous-minded- cuddly-understanding-organic-gardener-with-a-big-kitchen-and-nice- forearms widower. Beard and hair on top of his head optional. (Other than that, using myself as a gauge, I've determined that conservatives aren't picky.)
(Pamela Rice Hahn, Celina, OH)

["Top 10" lists on a variety of subjects]

[Copyright 2002 by Chris White -- All rights reserved.]
[Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"]