Posted on 04/02/2005 4:36:04 AM PST by gobucks
"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.
Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"
My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.
But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.
Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?
What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?
And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.
I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.
I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.
I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
My grandmother (who had 10 children) always said that if men had to have the babies, human existence would come to a screeching halt.
Seeing how my husband handles a headache tends to make me agree.
(sorry, guys, no offense meant...just having fun)
I've got my four grandchildren here right now; all under 5; it will take the rest of the weekend to clean up and until next week to find everything.
I have two, had both via C-section at recommendation of my ob/gyn (in whom I have complete trust). I was puzzled by all the "oh you had to have a C-section, poor you" or "how un-natural" attitudes. I had no problem with it. We certainly didn't plan it that way, but circumstances arose that made it, in my doctor's opinion, the best option. He shared his thoughts with me, explained fully, and we (husband and I and doctor) decided together to go that route. Seems like often, if you've had a C-section, you are perceived as either a victim or a coward (or somehow "un-natural"). Probably some have the same view of those who use epidural or other meds. If you choose to go or end up going any of those routes, just shut the naysayers out of your mind. I just don't get that worked up about the childbirth/epidural/C-section stuff. The goal is a healthy baby, and I always said if the doctor determined the safest route for the baby was to pull him out of my ear, go right ahead and do it. Bottomline, to me, is the importance of having a health care provider who helps you make an educated choice within the realm of available options. So I'd say the main issue is finding that health care provider, then making the decision with that person's assistance. As for everybody else, it just is not their business. You are going to spend a lifetime making decisions that you believe are in the best interest of your little one, and some of those decisions may be unpopular with certain people. He is your child and you and your wife will decide what is best for him just as you are doing right now. Good luck to both of you and your little one!
That's not always the case. I had an epidural and my baby latched on fine, wasn't drowsy at all and is perfectly happy and healthy.
After watching all the childbirth films, I couldn't believe any woman would want to go through that more than once. After seeing my wife lug around that massive belly, I can't believe they are even willing to get pregnant twice.
After watching my wife deliver our first, I thought, "Men have combat, women have childbirth. And men got the better end of that deal."
Your wife may also notice that her protruding belly becomes public domain. For some reason, people will feel compelled to rub or pat her belly while they talk to her, and comment on it. That always drove me nuts.
I have had four children 3 with an epidural and 1 via natural childbirth. It depends on the birth...if your wife needs pitocin in order to dilate then go with an epidural becuase the pain is awful, intolerable. If no IV's, monitors etc are use, your wife should be able to walk around and then no drugs are needed (at least I didn't need them). Keep in mind that your wife needs to decide whether she wants pain medication. I will remind you of something a very wise woman told me...the goal of any birth is a healthy baby. In the end, you won't care how this happened. I would not advise a mid-wife. If you are in the hospital and have access to a doctor then maybe (strong reservations), but under no other other circumstances in my opinion. I have known of several women who opted for home birth and their babies died. Also, my daughter was in labor for 20 hours and ended up with a c-section. She had a mid-wife who should have known this girl was too small to deliver a 9 lbs baby (tiny girl). My son-in-law called me and reported my daughter had a fever (infection setting in too many hours since water broke) about 18.5 hours into labor. The mid-wife said this was not 'uncommon'(stupid woman). I told him 'call the Doctor now'. Ds did and 1/2 hour later, my daughter was in the operating room. She had a nasty infection and remained in the hospital several extra days. I don't trust mid-wives, they often have a political agenda and can be quite militant. I used lamaze and really found it useful. I did not like the Bradley method; it did not work for me. Few women can truly relax during labor. Focal points on the other hand (lamaze) can be very useful.
I was pleasantly surprised at how very little I cared about our "things". However, I did have to stop him a few times from beating the big screen television and the grandfather clock with his big heavy plastic blocks. Mr. Mabelkitty would have strung him up if he caught him. What's with the toys they make nowadays? If you throw one of those things, someone is going to the hospital.
Hahahaha. That is almost verbatim what I was thinking with my second. There is definitely something to be said for the blissful stupidity that goes along with being pregnant for the first time.
ROTFL. That entire post made my morning.
hilarious!!!
I see your still alive to give advice, good for you! ;)
Just thought I'd better clarify on one fact: I'm Redhead. Intenseracer is #5 in my various experiences in delivery rooms around the country. Just thought I'd throw that in in case anybody had had conversations with IR and thought it was strange that a man had had 5 pregnancies/deliveries and never told anybody about it but his doctors...
Exactly. And if they did have them, what would they do with them when it came time to change their diapers?
Yikes!
Yell for the nearest woman.
I've heard all of the snide remarks too. I am the oldest of 12 children, and my mother and father never heard the end of it when we were out in public. These "thoughful" comments include the following:
1) You know how that happens, right?
2) Don't you have a television?
3) [to my mother] You're a real "fertile Myrtle", aren't you?
4) Are you just going to keep having them?
5) What, are you trying to beat the Brady Bunch?
6) Are they cheaper by the dozen?
Re: labor, for what it's worth, my mom had always been given the epidural on doctor's orders (and because she didn't know better), until her youngest, when she did an all-natural childbirth. She said that the all-natural childbirth was the easiest one she'd ever had, because (according to her) the pain helped her to know when to push and when to regroup.
My wife and I are now expecting as well (only 7 weeks along), and she wants to try natural childbirth (and breast feeding) as well. I can see the logic in trying to let things proceed naturally, as they were designed, absent an abnormal medical condition or situation.
We fully expect the comments to continue, as we are going against the grain.
Sure, it's not always. But it certainly increases the chances.
: )
Thanks.
All true.
His comments reminded me of you - and I'm sure you have some pearls of wisdom for this expectant father! lol
Stick with your convictions.
I had two sons [about 8 pounds] and no medication. There is a short period of time near the end of labor where it can be really intense, but it does not last long. There are many health benefits to having an undrugged child.
My second had some breathing difficulties and they would have been much worse if he had been drugged.
That said, everyone is different, your wife knows herself better than anyone else.
You can try to not have drugs, and get some help while in labor if you think you need it, but with me when I thought I needed help it was almost over.
If you have motivation for an undrugged pregnancy, it helps you to find unmedicated ways to deal with labor. There are a lot of things that will help that won't drug your child.
Stick with your convictions. People who say things like this [have an epidural] often think more of their pain and less of the child's problems in dealing with drugs, which seems selfish to me.
My childbirth classes had anonymous labor reports that we read to see what labor could be like, and several women had problems with the epidural that caused more pain than normal with labor. Problems with administering the epidural. You can't be sure that an epidural will really help if they mess up when they inject it into your spine.
Sounds like people at your church are trying to frighten your wife, which she doesn't need right now. She needs reassurance.
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