Posted on 04/02/2005 4:36:04 AM PST by gobucks
"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.
Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"
My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.
But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.
Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?
What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?
And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.
I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.
I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.
I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
Gobucks said
Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it.
So, if things get tight, gobucks might start dictating to his wife about how the childbirth should proceed? He's smug because he's told her the decision is hers?
Seriously, what did gobucks say that deserves his being characterized as being "so smug"?
Answer: Nothing.
I'm not sure if the women are being "political", but I am sure that unasked for advice about something so personal as childbirth is an impolite intrusion.
I like the idea of asking the advice giver how their hemorrhoid treatment is coming along and if they remembered to take their lithium. But that's just me ...
One woman sped up when I was crossing the street to get to my car- so she could make a point of how slow I was. There was a police office on the corner who cam over to me to see if I was OK and to see if I wanted him to chase her down. ( I wasn't THAT slow).
I was even yelled at for parking in "stork" parking by a woman in her 30's.
Each time it was a man who would try to help me, or hold a door for me, or say "Just ignore her".
Men, many times, are more compassionate than the gals.
I was writing something and realized it would be pulled.
Bottom line: if he's so stupid as to not understand, there is ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATION he could be MADE to understand.
One thing I learned about pitocin with our last delivery is that the stuff leaves your system within a minute or so of turning it off. However, the intensity up to the point you say, "TURN THAT STUFF OFF NOW," is, well, PAINFUL! My ob said, "Ok, we'll turn it off now and let your momentum carry you through." (use a Mr. Rogers or some such voice for my ob.)
Thanks, but I really am no hero. We have been very blessed to not have complications with pregnancy/delivery. The hard part is raising 'em!
You've got that right.
People will read that post and deny it because it's ugly.
It's ugly, and it's true, but woman-hood won't like having these secrets exposed to men.
Tough.
"Am I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?"
Yes. You're too close to the subject, and much too self-absorbed. You two are not the first to give birth. Ask your Mom, LOL!
I had one child with an epidural, and the last 4 without. 3 with a midwife. Personally, I LOVED having them naturally - it is the most incredible experience to go through the birthing process naturally.
But, that said, it was my choice. I don't think having them naturally means that you are a better mom.
And someone mentioned husbands telling their wives to pretend it doesn't hurt - not a good idea! My husband learned with our first one to just hold my hand and keep his mouth SHUT! He was absolutely great at the natural births... he rubbed my back if I wanted him to, held onto me when I wanted him to... but kept his mouth shut. =) During the first birth he kept telling me "You can do it!" I said "I can NOT, so shut up." Moms are not especially kind and cordial during birth, usually. =)
If your wife wants to have a natural birth, then support her in every way she desires. If she doesn't, then it really should be her decision, because no one can do this for her. I would have murdered my husband during labor if it had all been his idea! ;-D
As far as people's opinions, thank them for their concern, and then do what you want to do. Having 5 children - 2.5 more than accepted - I have learned the art of smiling pleasantly at people's asinine comments. It also helps to have a great sense of humor.
I've heard that but for me I think it's more like:
it's painful, but it's worth the pain!
that's how I saw it.
I remembered the pain thought not as vividly but enough for me to wait to have another baby - and I wanted an epidural for future births.
The pain is temporary, the discomfort of pregnancy is minor - you get a great reward when you have your baby.
Where I live it's PC to go natural, so I had the opposite experience. I know my self, and I don't handle pain- so I went with the epidural. I think as long as your wife makes the decision she's happy with, that's what is important. Labor/delivery wasn't "fun" but it wasn't scary either..Oh, and just wait for all the other things people will have opinions on..are you going to post when you guys decide to go breast over bottle or vice versa?? :-)
She's right, the memory of the pain does go away. Until you hit the first contraction with the second child. Then it all comes flooding back. Thankfully by that time, it's too damn late to do anything about it.
That's what I'm talking about.
Raising one is a challenge.
Adding seven more.....
Let's just say I had my nephew here for a week-end, and it was the talk of all my friends. After the darling left, we dismantled the firewall of chairs and tables blocking the other rooms, plugged lamps back in, mopped food off the floors and walls, and, well, let's just say my choice of changing his diaper on the couch to make him more comfy was strictly amatuer hour. I'm still finding stray Cheerios in odd places...
And yes, I did have a cocktail before they pulled out of the driveway.
Can't wait to have him back, though.
As soon as I have my first contraction, I'm pounding myself on the forehead.... I can't believe I'm doing this again, I can't believe I was this stupid!!!!! WHY am I doing this??????? But, as soon as you hold that little body in your arms, and smell that newborn smell...
oh, sheesh, I wonder if my husband is ready for #6??
;-D
I have to wonder, too. I wonder if the stand in just didn't want to have to explain it to the insurance company? I wasn't even interested at the time. I do have to say since she was a stand in, that the trust level wasn't too high, especially with her demeanor. I could have had a civil conversation with our regular Doctor, who was understandably not available at the time.
At any rate, my wife's situation isn't necessarily the same as others. Still, a little aid at this particular time isn't asking too much I'm thinking. We're not birthing with a mid wife in a log cabin. Some may want to do it "that way", but I fail to see the reason pain releif should not be provided unless it directly threatens the life of the child or the mother. I saw it as the opposite situation where physical exhaustion from pain may be a threat in 12 or so hours if not addressed at the time.
As it resulted, she gave birth within 2 hours and not 12. The stand-in Doctor was wrong about that part.
My daughter is 5 now and simply beautiful.
Then you have it.
LOL! I remember hearing the story about a friends sister-in-law. She was having her first, and when she hit her first contraction she said (seriously) "I've changed my mind. I don't think I want to have children right now".
I don't know why you want to hear it from a single woman, but... ;->
The epidural affects the baby. HELLO? The epidural affects the baby.
A drugged baby has trouble finding the breast and latching on and suckling. There should be no surprise here. His first few hours seeing his mama's and daddy's face should not be through a drug-induced stupor.
Absolutely.
Hmmm.. yes.
Evidently, my typo is not only catching, but mutating as well.
There were really sweet people, and there were jerks, but one thing was beyond argument: people that ordinarily wouldn't say "boo" to us did indeed try to interact in some way. Knowing that some of the "sweet" ones might really be nothing but old busybodies, and some of the "jerks" merely socially clumsy, we tried to be patient with them... and generally did pretty well, even when they would cross the line a bit.
I can only remember one incident where I wanted to brain someone. When my wife was about six or seven months along, my sister visited at our new (to us) home, and we went downtown for pizza. My sister was also pregnant at the time, and I happened to be walking between the two of them down the sidewalk. Some smart-aleck college punk made a crude remark from a passing car about my... uh... "prowess." THAT one did get me PO'd, but the rest were really insignificant in the scheme of things.
It sounds like you and your wife have made rational decisions, so as far as the circumstances permit, whenever people feel the need to comment on your plan, just listen, smile (robotic nodding works good, too), and then go ahead and do what you intended to do. And if you or your wife suddenly feel the need to alter the master plan, don't agonize over that, either. My best wishes to you.
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