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Your Favorite Johnny Carson Joke?
Free Republic Vanity Kind-of ^
| 01/23/2005
| gortklattu
Posted on 01/23/2005 11:57:30 AM PST by gortklattu
Just the Jokes, OK?
Johnny: "Sis - Boom - Bah
ED: "Sim - boom - bah
Johnny: What sound does an exploding sheep make?
TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: johnny; johnnycarson
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To: gortklattu
ED: Sis - boom - bah
oops
2
posted on
01/23/2005 11:58:27 AM PST
by
gortklattu
(As the preacher in Blazing Saddles said "You're on your own.")
To: gortklattu
"And then mommy's lawyer does to daddy what daddy was doing to the nurse".
3
posted on
01/23/2005 11:59:05 AM PST
by
discostu
(mime is money)
To: gortklattu
That one still makes me laugh.
4
posted on
01/23/2005 11:59:26 AM PST
by
junaid
To: gortklattu
To: gortklattu
Johnny Carson was interviewing the wife of Arnold Palmer.
He asked her if she did anything special for Arnold to give him luck before a tough match.
She replied "I kiss his balls."
Johnny: "I'll bet that makes his putter stand on end !"
6
posted on
01/23/2005 11:59:47 AM PST
by
jimt
To: gortklattu
"May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!"
7
posted on
01/23/2005 12:00:20 PM PST
by
Clemenza
(Europhiles and Monarchists should be purged)
To: gortklattu
During a week when there was a UFO sighting outbreak during the gas crisis.
"The bad news is that aliens have landed...the good news is that they pee gasoline."
8
posted on
01/23/2005 12:00:30 PM PST
by
Arkinsaw
To: gortklattu
"Take the Slawson cutoff until you get to the.........
FORK in the road.
9
posted on
01/23/2005 12:00:42 PM PST
by
zarf
To: gortklattu
Webb: "This is the City. Los Angeles, California. Some people rob for pleasure. Some rob because it's there. You never know. My name's Friday, I'm a cop. I was working the day watch out of Robbery when I got a call from the Acme School Bell Company. There'd been a robbery."
Carson: "There's been a robbery."
Webb: "Yes sir, what was it?"
Carson: "My clappers!"
Webb: "Your clappers?"
Carson: "Yeah, you know, those things inside a bell that makes them clang?"
Webb: "The clangers?"
Carson: "That's right, we call them clappers in the business."
Webb: "A clapper caper."
Carson: "What's that?"
Webb: "Nothing sir. Now, can I have the facts? What kind of clappers were stolen on this caper?"
Carson: "They were copper clappers."
Webb: "And where were they kept?"
Carson: "In the closet."
Webb: "Uh huh. You have any ideas who might have taken the copper clappers from the closet?"
Carson: "Well, just one. I fired a man. He swore he'd get even."
Webb: "What was his name?"
Carson: "Claude Cooper"
Webb: "You think he'd..."
Carson: "That's right. I think Claude Cooper copped my copper clappers. Kept in the closet."
Webb: "You know where this Claude Cooper is from?"
Carson: "Yuh. Cleveland"
Webb: "That figures. That figures."
Carson: "What makes it worse, they were clean."
Webb: "Clean copper clappers."
Carson: "That's right."
Webb: "Why do you think Cleveland's Claude Cooper would cop your clean copper clappers kept in your closet?"
Carson: "Only one reason."
Webb: "What's that?"
Carson: "He's a kleptomaniac."
Webb: "Who first discovered the copper clappers were copped?"
Carson: "My cleaning woman, Clara Clifford."
Webb: "That figures. Now let me see if I got the facts straight here. Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered your clean copper clappers kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper the kleptomaniac from Cleveland. Now, is that about it?"
Carson: "One other thing."
Webb: "What's that?"
Carson: "If I ever catch kleptomaniac Claude Cooper from Cleveland who copped my clean copper clappers kept in the closet..."
Webb: "Yes?"
Carson: "I'll clobber him!"
10
posted on
01/23/2005 12:00:46 PM PST
by
Cagey
To: discostu
11
posted on
01/23/2005 12:00:59 PM PST
by
gortklattu
(As the preacher in Blazing Saddles said "You're on your own.")
Comment #12 Removed by Moderator
To: Numbers Guy
petting the pussy is my fav.........wasn't that Ann Margaret......
To: gortklattu
Johnny: "It was so cold outside..."
Audience: "How cold was it?"
Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their own pockets."
To: jimt
Oh now that's just too funny. I had such a crush on him when I was 11
15
posted on
01/23/2005 12:02:09 PM PST
by
queenkathy
(Had a BALL meeting as many of you as I could.)
To: gortklattu
Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis Carrington
Rips open envelope...
Question: Name a duck, mutt, and a slut.
Obviously from the 80s.
16
posted on
01/23/2005 12:02:37 PM PST
by
rintense
To: jimt
To: gortklattu
"May your only son become a goalie on a nudist hockey team."
To: Battle Axe
19
posted on
01/23/2005 12:03:37 PM PST
by
gortklattu
(As the preacher in Blazing Saddles said "You're on your own.")
To: gortklattu
Not a joke, but who could foget Johnny with the animal guests. Those times made some of the funniest T.V. moments ever.
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