Why is there a bias against interracial dating?

Shaunti Feldhahn, a right-leaning columnist, writes the commentary this week and Diane Glass, a left-leaning columnist, responds

As a kid, I never realized there was a bias against interracial dating -- or that any serious racial bias still existed. Like most kids in the Washington, D.C.-area melting pot, I grew up around everyone from the children of African diplomats to kids who came over on the boats from Cambodia. My classmates spoke every language and lived in everything from luxury lake homes to public housing. Our dinner guests were just as likely to be from Nigeria or India as from Kansas or California.

After graduation, I left home for a summer waitressing job at a Colorado guest ranch, completely unaware that my multi-racial upbringing had been unusual. I learned fast.

Twenty young staffers came to the ranch from all over the country, and we girls put up pictures and frills to make each bunk our own. One evening, I showed another waitress my snapshots. She gestured at a Homecoming picture of me and my best friend with our dates, standing in front of my date's vintage Mercedes.

"Your date?" She pulled away, appalled that I would go to Homecoming with a black friend. She stood up, walked out of the room and never spoke to me again. From then on, she communicated through other staff members. "Mary, tell Shaunti to fill the syrup bottles."

Word got around quickly. The next morning, the two cooks -- two young men who had been my friends -- started chanting, "once you go black, you never go back" over and over again. I was horrified, and had no idea how to respond. They were merciless the rest of the summer, and I received a ruthless and swift education.

Why is there a bias against interracial dating, especially between blacks and whites? Almost certainly, people with that bias are people who have no close friends of other races. And unfortunately that's still a sizeable population. Once you have spent time with each other, cried on each other's shoulders, worshipped together at church, or played games long into the night at each other's homes, somehow the idea of their daughter dating your son becomes a non-issue.

And that relationship, by the way, is what makes the difference between giving politically-correct lip service to racial diversity and having a real love for one another as people, and a desire for community.

The problem is, there will always be those who choose to wall themselves off from those friendships, whether out of subtle discomfort or hard-core bigotry. But in most cases, no wall is wanted. It's just that someone of another color seems different. And they are different. We all are. A rich mixture of different elements makes us all who we are -- including our race, gender, economic background, faith, beliefs and interests. That's what makes relationships so interesting and worthwhile, including dating relationships. And because racially biased people have never experienced it, they don't understand what a blessing that diversity can be.

Shaunti gets a gold star for political correctness. I don't think many would disparage her heartfelt experience. But asking "why is there racism" isn't nearly as interesting or provocative as asking what you are going to do in the face of bigotry? We all know racism exists. Knowing something doesn't change it. Doing something does.

After Shaunti faced racism head on, what did she do? Did she shy away from interracial dating as an adult, bite her tongue and shake her head in silent disapproval? Or did she fight bigotry with spirited defiance? Silence and obedience are just as toxic a poison. And the question I'm dying to ask is: Would Shaunti consider marrying a black man? She advocates a stable home where the triple scourge of divorce, atheism and gay marriage endanger children. How would she feel about an interracial marriage fraught with social stigma, family arguments and sarcastic barbs at school? Would she take a stand against racism if her children had to suffer?

I ask because the statistics suggest that many may lament the failings of a racist culture but few want to withstand the approbation when racial boundaries are crossed. Since 1980, interracial marriages have more than doubled but today this still only represents a mere 2 percent of married couples in 2000.

Interracial dating isn't so black and white. Pardon the pun. And yet it is. The Asian population intermixes with any race and this barely raises an eyebrow. Likewise with Hispanics. It's often an issue of black and white relationships. Black men with white women is the most problematic for Americans, even though black men and white women are more than twice as likely to marry than black women and white men.

Resentment and a healthy dose of prejudice are veiled in the tales about the mythic physical endowments of black men. Yet racism isn't only a failing of the white population. Black women often feel betrayed by black men who look outside of their race and choose the arms of an enemy who exemplifies the American ideal. The blond Ivory Girl smile and blue eyes of Tiger Woods' future wife no doubt raised the ire of many who wondered why such a powerful role model to black youth couldn't embrace his own race.

Racism, like the history of marriage, is about power: Who has it, who wants it, how can I get it? People feel betrayed and angry about interracial couples because these couples step across enemy lines. "Can we all just get along?" That's not likely until power among the races is on a level playing field and marriage, or dating, is no longer an act of treason.

I will volunteer one perspective as to why interracial dating adn marriage might not be ideal.

I will preface my remarks by noting of four divinely established institutions, created for man, believer and unbeliever alike. Regardless of one's theologic beliefs, if one abides within the framework of those institutions, success is available. Stepping out of those institutions or counterfeiting them is likely to turn blessing into cursing.

The first institution is volition. The free will of each human to make choices and exercise their heart.

The 2nd institution in marriage. God made man and then woman and they were made to complement one another. It's remarkably obvious, yet amazingly some pervert even that manifestation of creation and contrive 'alternate' arrangements.

The 3rd institution is family. Family extends for generations and worldly knowledge, possessions, and status are passed from generation to generation. Some families are blessed in remaining faithful to God for multiple generations, receiving even more rich blessings over time which would never occur to younger families, nor are even imaginable.

The 4th insitution is national or State governance. After the Tower of Babel, mulitple nations based upon language and culture were formed which lived sufficiently amongst their respective selves. In some respects, it has been said the existence of multiple nations was established to keep mankind from killing itself off. I do not know the full study of that faith, but IMHO, national governance is a fourth divinely established institution.

With this preface complete, I observe the issue of interracial dating and marriage in America.

Unlike many other nations around the globe, the US and America in particular, is somewhat of a bastard stepchild of a nation. We were formed not so much by one race or language or culture, but evolved into a prevalent mixture of races under one language and evolved culture. Some by the rebellious independent will of our ancestors, some by devout obedience through faith in Christ to God.

One can be successful and live a live relatively free of many troubles, by simply living in accords with those 4 divinely established institutions. Each of those institutions build upon their predecessor in complexity and order.

Generally speaking, social skills precede production skills, so where one is unsociable, their good for society is precluded from becoming manifest until they are socially accepted.

Many worldly people will build their image of the world upon their thinking. When reality bumps into that thinking and is contrary to those thoughts, one can either base their life upon something more faithworthy or tend to become frustrated, manifest by reaction to the event.

Believers and unbelievers are able to succeed in many aspects of life by learning to respect the volition of their fellow man, honoring the institution of marriage, living by their family, and within the bounds of national governance.

Success also tempts men to accept worldly conditions as righteous conditions. Some of those who are successful in the above four institutions, may form beliefs that their success is due their interpretations of those institutions.

Hence, the perception of family, and of legitimate governance, might be challenged and frustrated to some who have come to think of those institutions along their past experience as the cause for success.

On a sidenote, there are also those who are simply seeking a short term happiness irrespective of what God provides, and on their own free will, decide to act independent of Him. So cases do exist where sexual immorality, fornication and adultery exist as counterfeits to marriage in some interracial settings. Some observe this, then confuse familial and racial national governance as being the institutions for their success, then improperly become frustrated when they observe interracial dating or marriage.

The problems run much deeper than this. Namely, within those 4 institutions, a myriad of robust relationships, memories, blessings, trials, testings, and maturing processes occur. The timing of those testings, blessings and cursings can either work together or without synchronicity.

IMHO, our respective cultures greatly effect the inter-relationships of those tests and tribulations in life. Many who have lived with their same culture, family, marriage and volition, tend to mature better and when remaining faithful in Him, receive even greater blessings, than those who might be distracted by convoluted issues.

IMHO, the real issue isn;t race, the real issue is remaining faithful to Him in all things and let Him provide the proper spouse or companion and the logistics for family and government. It all begins with our volition complying with His will and His plan.

Diversity is no more a recipe for success than racial conformance. In many ways, diversity inhibits long-term happiness and multigenerational maturity in familial relationships.

It is unfortunate that the young lady had that experience, but prejudice can be found anywhere, but it is not as common as it once was. It seems from reading the article that this young lady was raised in a very sheltered environment and was unprepared for the Real World when she entered it. It’s possible that her over reaction caused the other kids (yes – fresh from collage makes them “kids”) to play it up more than they ordinarily would have.

When I was stationed at Pearl Harbor in the early 80s a Department of the Army race relations team arrived to investigate racial discrimination in the 45th Transportation Group. They were disappointed. Over half of the personnel in our company (5th TC (HB) were married to or dating a person of a different race. They could find no racial prejudice in promotions or disciplinary actions. Private interviews showed no hint of racial prejudice. They experienced much the same in the other companies they investigated and had to cut short their Hawaiian paid vacation – they could not justify holding classes to fix a nonexistent problem.
I had dated women of every race during my 40 years of having a social life. My late wife was half American Indian. I experienced signs of prejudice only once – when living in an apartment complex that had gone Section 8. My girlfriend at the time was Black and several of the Black men we encountered did not seem to approve. We ignored them.

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