The Metrosexual Nine & Gore's Endorsement
by JohnHuang2
 Democrat presidential hopeful John Edwards recently told a crowd of Iowans that, to win the White House, a candidate must frame his campaign, not around anger, but around optimism. "We don't need more anger in this campaign; we need answers," said the Breck Girl, rookie U.S. Senator from North Carolina. Candidates must look to the future, not dwell on the past.
To show he really, really means it, Edwards on Saturday blasted the President, angrily accusing Bush of stealing the 2000 election in Florida. (Bush apparently accomplished this theft by outrageously getting more voters to the polls than Al Gore).
"We will never forget what happened to Al Gore and Joe Lieberman almost three years ago," declared a forward-looking Edwards, offering delegates to Florida's state convention more anger in this campaign. "We had more votes. We won!" he bellowed. The audience erupted into cheers (It then became apparent there weren't many fans of Katherine Harris in this crowd).
Vowing to avenge Florida 2000, Edwards told the 5,000 convention delegates that "Democrats will win the White House back the old-fashion way -- by counting every vote." Counting every vote unless they're military votes. Democrats like John Edwards believe so deeply in this principle of counting every vote that they fight tooth and nail daily in the U.S. Senate to block counting every vote. They do this through filibusters. (The only thing more ambitious than building a democracy in Iraq is building a democracy in the Senate).
In the mid-term elections last November, Democrats in Florida came close to avenging Election 2000, with Gov. Jeb Bush barely crushing Democrat challenger Bill McBride by 14 percentage points -- 57 percent to 43 percent -- and Republicans barely sweeping Democrats from all statewide offices. Setting aside all these landslide Democrat defeats, it was close! So close, in fact, that Democrats vow to almost defeat Jeb Bush again in 2006 (oh wait, he can't run again -- term limits).
(Democrats say Gore won Florida but the U.S. Supreme Court stopped the "recount." Democrats also note that Gore lost Florida because of Green Party candidate Ralph Nader, who drained votes from Gore).
White House hopeless John F. Kerry also blasted the President, angrily accusing Bush of stealing the 2000 election in Florida. "Florida is the place where America's democracy was wounded," said Kerry, who served in Vietnam. It was then that Kerry stunned convention delegates by revealing a deeply kept secret: That he served in Vietnam!
Seeking a more ennobling and edifying campaign approach than his rivals, Kerry has recently taken to using the F-word in his sharp attacks on Bush. (More ennobling still, expect to see rapper Eminem as Kerry campaign spokesman any day now). Asked to apologize by White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card, the Kerry campaign took the high road, claiming Bush made him do it because Bush may have used the F-word in 1999. Kerry also noted that he served in Vietnam -- and that Bush didn't. (In all honesty, did I expect John Kerry to go off to the Left and say, 'I'm against everything Bush'? Sure. Did I expect John Kerry to [expletive] it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did).
Tired former Army General Wesley Clark, addressing the convention from 15,000 ft above, also blasted the President, angrily accusing Bush of stealing the 2000 election in Florida. "I never thought that the front line for democracy would be in the United States, and in this beautiful state," he said, claiming he witnessed "the taking" of the presidency by Bush in Election 2000. So appalled, so horrified was Clark at the GOP's "taking" of democracy, that he slipped into shock on the night of the "taking". The state of shock lasted 3 years. During this period, Clark unknowingly gave GOP fund-raising speeches (captured on video) and sang the praises of Bush and top aids, recovering from shock just in time to run for president. "I'm very glad we've got a great team in office, men like Colin Powell, Don Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice ... people I know very well -- our president George W. Bush. We need them there," Clark declared at a GOP fundraising dinner in Little Rock back in May, 2001. But that doesn't count because Clark was in shock at the time. He was still in shock 8 months later, when he lavished even more praise on the Bush administration. In a speech at Harding University in Arkansas (also captured on video), he said this: "I tremendously admire, and I think we all should, the great work done by our commander-in-chief, our president, George Bush." (To be fair, Clark, NATO commander under Clinton, says he really "wasn't a public figure" when he said those nice things about Bush. He really, really wanted to condemn Bush for stealing the election, and would've if he could, but he couldn't because -- other than a CNN gig and the lecture circuit -- he had no public platform. An odd explanation because, as CNN military analyst, Clark commanded a mammoth audience -- sometimes as many 20 fat couch potatoes). Anyway, "I believe that this country needed to move on," said Clark, and that's why he raised money for a party that he said stole the White House.
"Everything that you care about ... is vanishing," thundered Rep. Dick Gephardt, newly pasted eyebrows falling off as he pounded the podium in anger. "Our good jobs are vanishing. Our civil rights are vanishing. Our clean air and clean water is vanishing." (Bush is on the phone all day ordering companies to layoff workers, while Karl Rove dumps loads of arsenic in drinking water! Creating as much unemployment as possible, poisoning the air and water -- what marvelous techniques for winning elections!). And if losing good jobs, civil rights, clean air and clean water weren't bad enough, even "Osama bin Laden has vanished. Saddam Hussein has vanished," said Gephardt (I want my bin Laden back!). "There is only one way to fix the problem," noted Gephardt, whose top advisers includes noted scholar Barbra Streisand. "We've got to make George Bush vanish!" The crowd went wild. But in case you think those words don't resonate beyond that crowd, think again: Al-Qaeda cheered as well.
Meanwhile, Howard Dean, dean of Metrosexuals, got the coveted endorsement of fellow Metrosexual Al Gore (strange -- don't Democrats say Gore's the 'real' president? Shouldn't Gore be running for a second term?). The move by Gore, announced Tuesday morning at a fundraiser in Harlem, could broaden Dean's appeal from hard-Left-grassy-knoll-kook-antiwar to harder-Lefter-grassy-knoller-kooker-antiwar.
"I have come to the conclusion that in a field of great candidates, one candidate clearly now stands out," said Gore, as right-wing extremists on Wall Street drove the Dow above 10,000, all to make Gore and Dean look bad and Bush look good on the economy. (For the record, Al did not kiss Dean for nearly 3 minutes during the endorsement).
 
"So," said Gore, "I am asking all of you to join in this great movement to elect Howard Dean president of the United States." To the other '04 Titans in this field of Titans, Gore says "keep (your) eyes on the prize. This nation cannot afford to have four more years of a Bush administration." (Democrats aren't the only ones who cannot afford to have 4 more years of Bush. Neither can Al-Qaeda).
 "This is huge," declared Donna Brazile, who engineered Gore's brilliant 30-state defeat 3 years ago. She added that "It gives Dean what Dean has been missing most: Stature." A silly thing to say of a former governor of MEGA-state Vermont. Dean's command of foreign policy already is formidable. So formidable, he recently offered Bush poignant advice on dealing with the Soviet Union. I think he even knows how many are actively serving in the military. (Hubby to wife: Honey, can't wait to entrust our security to the Deanie-Babies! Kewl!).
To be fair, Democrats say we aren't any safer today than before 9/11. So unsafe is America today, that Democrats in Florida chose an obscure, little-known location to hold their convention: Disney World. Democrats also accuse Bush of manufacturing fear about another 9/11, as if America weren't any safer today than before 9/11. Fear is just a ploy to get re-elected!
On a radio show recently, Dean linked Bush to 9/11, claiming there are theories that Bush got advance warning from the Saudis. His gaffe ignited a firestorm, forcing Dean to quickly retract.
Which begs the question: Why is Dean so gaffe-prone?
There are many theories about it. The most interesting theory that I've heard so far -- which is nothing more than a theory, it can't be proved -- is that his brain never gets advance warning before he shoots his mouth off. Now who knows what the real situation is?
;-)
Anyway, that's...
My two cents
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