Morford: Shut Up And Say "I Do" (It's BushCo's "Marriage Protection Week")

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, October 15, 2003 | Mark Morford, Always a Bridesmaid

[presidio9]

Did you hug a priest today? Run from a scary homosexual person? Coo over a copy of Bride's magazine? Fall on your knees and thank God Almighty that your child isn't yet gay or pagan or libertarian and if she is that's OK because it's nothing that regular lithium and electroshock therapy can't "cure"?

[tdadams]

I have to admit, reading Mark Morford is the only time I can glimpse into the mind of a seething leftist and want to chuckle instead of scream.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

Give Morford credit -- he doesn't get all mealy-mouthed and hide his meaning....

But what does he have against professional wrestling?

[Skooz]

But what does he have against professional wrestling?

A bunch of buff, sweaty, oily men who wouldn't give him the time of day.

[presidio9]

A bunch of buff, sweaty, oily men who wouldn't give him the time of day.

She hates football for the same reason.

[steve8714]

and his head.

[RichInOC]

Mark...Women. They're hot. Yes, Mark, even in San Francisco. I've seen them. Some of them are actually even friendly. You should try them sometime. If God really intended for man's love life to be like a) that scene in "Deliverance", b) that scene in "Pulp Fiction" or c) a typical Saturday night on the town for you, He could just as easily have skipped creating woman. Fortunately, He stuck with it and gave us all the benefit of what was possibly His single best idea. Take the hint.

(Some of you will ask, "Then how do you explain Helen Thomas?" Ah well...what can I say? It's not her fault. Homely women are one of the more tragic results of the Fall. Had Adam and Eve never sinned, all women would be statuesque beauties...even Helen.)

[Celtjew Libertarian]

"Ol' Nature swears the lovely dears
Her noblest work she classes-O.
Her 'prentice hand she tried on man
And then she made the lasses-O."

-Robert Burns
"Green Grow the Rashes-O"
(Quoted from memory -- forgive any errors)

As for Helen Thomas, just call her Helen of "Oy!"

[presidio9]

"Then how do you explain Helen Thomas?" Ah well...what can I say? It's not her fault. Homely women are one of the more tragic results of the Fall. Had Adam and Eve never sinned, all women would be statuesque beauties...even Helen.

Helen Thomas is a prime example of how "it's what's inside that counts," and as we get older we begin to look more and more like who we really are. Personally, I think she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West.

The older she gets, the more Ms Morford will grow to resemble that unpleasant elimatory body part that she is so obsessed with.

[Humvee]

Mark dear, are those bite marks I see on your pillow?

[DustyMoment]

Never mind. It's just another Morford panty twist.

[Fzob]

I almost feel sorry of Miss Morford. Anybody that can glean that much nonsense out of "Marriage Protection Week" is clearly demented, on heavy drugs or just on the rag.

[hang 'em]

Anybody ever see Morford and Justin Raimando in the same room?

[At _War_With_Liberals]

I love how leftists use psychiatry to suit their agenda...

"homophobic Bush administration...":

The Bush admin suffers from a mass mental disorder, according to gays.

Yet,

"thank God Almighty that your child isn't yet gay or pagan or libertarian and if she is that's OK because it's nothing that regular lithium and electroshock therapy can't "cure"?"

It is an impossibility that gays suffer from any disorder whatsoever. In fact, they cannot suffer from any, because they are gay.

[Constitution Day]

RED ALERT! RED ALERT!

TWISTED PANTIES FACTOR 10!

[Sister_T]

After all, marriage ain't just for uptight right-wing Christian zealots anymore. And it never will be.

Marriage DEFINITELY "ain't" for immoral, left-wing, anti-Christian, heterophobic, depraved, sodomy-loving REPROBATES either! And it never will be!

[The Iguana]

It's obvious what Miss Morford considers most important in life:

Good sex.

[presidio9]

It is an impossibility that gays suffer from any disorder whatsoever. In fact, they cannot suffer from any, because they are gay

Do the rest of us suffer because we are not gay?

Not exactly.

The rest of us suffer because they are gay.

[fporretto]

To me, the amazing thing is that Morford gets paid for this drivel.

See also:

A Taxing Question

Freedom, Wealth, and Peace,
Francis W. Porretto
Visit the Palace Of Reason:
http://palaceofreason.com

[judicial meanz]

Quite the arrogant, stupid, pillow biting, neo nazi, drag-prom queen rant. Miss Morford must be suffering from men-o-pause. Maybe he could foster together some kind of gay brady bunch as an alternative example for us uneducated nitwits who do it the right way. </sarcasm

Miss Morford is the world best example of why leading a straight, monogamous, non drinking, non partying, life is good for your soul.

[Southack]

Poor Miss Morford must surely have wailed when her hero Bill Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act during his tenure in the White House...