|
Posted on 07/16/2003 11:53:16 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows
From Dave Barry's Blog...
VACATION ADVISORY AND PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT
For the next two weeks, this blog will be on vacation in a large rural western state that might not even have electricity, let alone the Internet. So there will be no blogging, or at most very little, until approximately August.
MEANWHILE, however, this blog has a little project to amuse anybody who is interested, involving a wonderful site called www.poetry.com, which was brought to this blog's attention by alert reader Laura Stark. Aspiring poets can go there and submit poems in the poetry contest, and maybe even -- incredibly -- have their poems selected for inclusion in heirloom-quality-bound volumes that are -- What are the odds of this? -- for sale!
So anyway, this blog was just thinking how interesting it would be if a whole bunch of people submitted poems that contained a certain key poetic phrase. To see how it might work, this blog submitted a poem under the pen name of "Freemont A. Harkins," entitled: "A Sad Day." Here's how it goes:
A Sad Day
i am sad, so very sad
the tears run down my nose
it was a happy day until
the dog ate mother's toes
You can see this poem at www.poetry.com, using the search engine to search for "Freemont Harkins." Wouldn't it be fun if a lot of people submitted poems using a Pen Name that began with "Freemont" and incorporating the phrase, "the dog ate mother's toes"? Then we all could search for poems written under the first name of "Freemont" -- currently, this blog is the only one -- and see how creative everybody was!
Or would that be wrong?
Anyway, see you in August.
Love,
Freemont A. Harkins
posted by Dave href="2003_07_01_davebarry_archive.html#105811601228483717">1:06 PM
Dear Freemont,
After carefully reading and discussing your poem, our Selection Committee has certified your poem as a semi-finalist in our International Open poetry Contest. You poem will automatically be entered into the final competition held in August 2003. As a semi-finalist, you now have an excellent chance of winning one of 104 cash or gift prizes – including the $1,000.00 Grand Prize. You may even win the $10,000.00 Annual Grand Prize! We wish you the best of luck as you compete for these prizes in the coming weeks (a complete list of prizes is enclosed).
And that’s not all…
Freemont … Imagine Your Poem Featured
on a Page by Itself in a Beautiful Coffee-table Edition!
In celebration of the unique talent that you have displayed, we also wish to publish your poem on its own page in what promises to be one of the most highly regarded collections of poetry we have ever published …
Library of Congress ISBN-0-7951-5227-2
Eternal Portraits is scheduled for publication in Fall 2003, will be a classic, coffee-table quality hardbound volume – printed in two colors on fine-milled paper specifically selected to last for generations. It will make a handsome addition to any library, a treasured family keepsake, or a highly valued personal gift.
….
Whoo-hooo! I'm going to be published and I may even win money for my poem! Wait a minute, did any of you guys and gals get a similar letter? Are these people pulling my mother's toe-less legs?
BTW, this the poem that Dave got into one of their previous "collections":
Thinking of You
At this special time
And hoping your organ
Removal went fine.
In brief, the distinction in the letter you got is as real as the $95,000 junk mail check that this guy received, but without nearly the humor potential.
Please don't think I'm attacking you; people like these jerks infuriate me because they make their money exploiting other people's dreams. It may be legal, but it's surely not moral.
Not at all. In fact, I was onto their little ploy of getting me to order their book for the bargain price of $49.95 from the get-go. I won't be ordering, but I will include a nice little story about the inspiration of my poem and my immeasurable joy at being recognized for my poetic talents for inclusion in the book.
Hey, if I win the $1000 grand prize I'll let you know. I might even cut Dave in for a piece of the action.
|
(But I didn't see where you used the line "the dog ate mother's toes" anywhere.)
Well, Amos Moses was a Cajun.
And lived by himself in the swamp
Hunting alli-gator for a living;
He knock 'em on the head with a stump:
The Louisiana law's gonna get you, Amos!
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy!
Now folks in South Louisiana
said Amos was a helluva man
He could trap the biggest, meanest alli-gator,
He only had to use one hand
That's all he got left 'cause the alligator bit him. Ha ha!
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow,
The dog ate mother's toes.
['pologies to Jerry Hubbard/ AKA *Jerry Reed*]
-archy-/-
(But I didn't see where you used the line "the dog ate mother's toes" anywhere.)
The words *Dog* and *dragonfly* both begin with the letter *D*. It's a literary allusion, very subtle and tasteful.
The intellectual reader immediately recalls the words of Freemont A. Harkins with such an obvious prompt. Of course, I sometimes have the same reaction upon hearing Chuck Berry sing My Ding-aling.
Right, bentfeather?
Don't quit now, hit 'em again while they're still stunned from the first one. For example:
With suns painting the morning sky
was filled this day of summer.
Beautiful maidens on the shore breathing erotic sighs.
With golden rainbows, flourishing hopes
was full this day of summer,
And wrapped in dreamy, loving songs,
This summer day begun,
The dog ate mother's toes.
The Stormy Day
The rain falls
The wind blows
In another room
My mother sews.
Her cigarette ash glows
A bead of sweat hangs from her nose
The dog is hungry
And she knows.
She ignores his hunger woes
And suddenly the dog arose
We will never forget that stormy day
When the dog ate mother's toes.
Freemont Mcgillicuddy
Copyright ©2003 Freemont Mcgillicuddy
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
