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Dave Barry Freeps Poetry Scam Site [Vanity, but fun!]
Dave Barry's Blog ^ | 7/13/03 | Dave Barry

Posted on 07/16/2003 11:53:16 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows

From Dave Barry's Blog...

VACATION ADVISORY AND PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT

For the next two weeks, this blog will be on vacation in a large rural western state that might not even have electricity, let alone the Internet. So there will be no blogging, or at most very little, until approximately August.

MEANWHILE, however, this blog has a little project to amuse anybody who is interested, involving a wonderful site called
www.poetry.com, which was brought to this blog's attention by alert reader Laura Stark. Aspiring poets can go there and submit poems in the poetry contest, and maybe even -- incredibly -- have their poems selected for inclusion in heirloom-quality-bound volumes that are -- What are the odds of this? -- for sale!

So anyway, this blog was just thinking how interesting it would be if a whole bunch of people submitted poems that contained a certain key poetic phrase. To see how it might work, this blog submitted a poem under the pen name of "Freemont A. Harkins," entitled: "A Sad Day." Here's how it goes:
A Sad Day

i am sad, so very sad
the tears run down my nose
it was a happy day until
the dog ate mother's toes

You can see this poem at www.poetry.com, using the search engine to search for "Freemont Harkins." Wouldn't it be fun if a lot of people submitted poems using a Pen Name that began with "Freemont" and incorporating the phrase, "the dog ate mother's toes"? Then we all could search for poems written under the first name of "Freemont" -- currently, this blog is the only one -- and see how creative everybody was!

Or would that be wrong?

Anyway, see you in August.

Love,

Freemont A. Harkins

posted by Dave href="2003_07_01_davebarry_archive.html#105811601228483717">1:06 PM


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Humor; Poetry; The Poetry Branch; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: freemontaharkins; freep; poetastersallofyou; poetry; scam; victorfrisbee
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C'mon, FReepers! We can help Dave out!

Here's my contribution:

Joy

Such joy and happiness
my heart now knows.
I've healed from the time
The dog ate mother's toes.

Slings and Arrows,
a.k.a. Freemont George Bush

1 posted on 07/16/2003 11:53:17 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows
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To: Slings and Arrows
        Regrets

A tap-dancing ballet savant,
My mensch in Leder-Hose,
Riverdanz ain't been right since
The dog ate mother's toes.

-----Freemont Gcruse
2 posted on 07/16/2003 2:31:45 PM PDT by gcruse (There is no such thing as society: there are individual men and women[.] --Margaret Thatcher)
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I knew the dog was hungry when I left, I should have been aware,
I saw the empty bowl,
the pleading eyes, I really did not care,
The Paxil dosage was too small, my mind just had to stray,
Oh mother, had I known what happened, I would not have gone away,
Oh mother, is it true, another of life's blows,

Our dog, Bull Mastiff Muffin, he really ate your toes?
3 posted on 07/16/2003 2:47:56 PM PDT by catonsville (cx;)
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To: Slings and Arrows
This is too funny.

Here are my submittals.

Her Walk (Haiku by Freemont V. Member)
Painfully she walks
Since the dog ate mother's toes
Uneven footsteps

Gravy (Limerick by Freemont R. Member)
Stan the podiatrist knows
You shouldn't put gravy on hose
When mom's best beef stocks
Ended up on her socks
The dog ate mother's toes

Remember (Simple Verse by Freemont W. Member)
When you feel like giving up,
When you can't bear the way life goes,
And you think it's all unfair,
And your pain nobody knows,
Just remember my poor old mother,
Whose suffering plainly shows,
Every time she takes her shoes off -
The dog ate mother's toes.

Treacherous Pets (Freeverse by Freemont C. Member)
The parrot never talks
The cat ignores the litterbox
The gerbil ran off with Richard Gere
And the dog ate mother's toes

4 posted on 07/16/2003 3:26:57 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: RikaStrom
Miss Rika, you might want to ping your poetry friends to this thread.
5 posted on 07/16/2003 3:36:01 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: coteblanche
Hey cote,

Whatever happened to the Poetry Branch? Check out this thread, it's hilarious.
6 posted on 07/16/2003 3:40:03 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: Slings and Arrows

A Disciplinary Exercise

Of half of my crew
I did lethally dispose.
They laughed when I informed them that
The dog ate mother's toes.

Freemont Vogon Jeltz

7 posted on 07/16/2003 3:44:31 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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To: Slings and Arrows
There are over 700 Freemont poems there now. Some of them are hilarious.
8 posted on 07/16/2003 3:46:10 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: Slings and Arrows
Did you see "The Toe Less Eaten"?
9 posted on 07/16/2003 3:46:45 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: VRWCmember
I have now! LOL!
10 posted on 07/16/2003 3:49:07 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Yassir Arafat (a clerihew)

Yassir Arafat
Has a tablecloth for a hat.
When the dog ate mother's toes
He licked gravy off its nose.

Freemont Vogon Jeltz

11 posted on 07/16/2003 3:54:59 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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To: Slings and Arrows
The dog ate mother's toes

On a Rascal she only goes

She's suffered great lossages

But painted toenails like snausages, and

the dog ate mother's toes.

Freemont Indiana

12 posted on 07/16/2003 5:22:33 PM PDT by uvular
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To: Slings and Arrows; Argh
A Sad Day

i am sad, so very sad
the tears run down my nose
it was a happy day until
the dog ate mother's toes

As far as this poem goes
about a dog eating mother's toes
it's okay I guess to suppose
the dog enjoyed mother's toes
and this is not a poem
goodness knows
next thing we may hear
is the dog is chewing on mother's nose
Now with having the dog gnawing
away at mother each and every day
soon enough there will not be
enough of mother for any to see
and with that I am going to let
poor mother be...

13 posted on 07/17/2003 1:23:44 PM PDT by Soaring Feather (Have fun with the Little Blonde FReeper!!)
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To: bentfeather; VRWCmember; RikaStrom; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
Very nice pome, Miss Feather! I hope you're well! Here's my feeble effort because I gotta get back to work:

Bill Clinton is a pervert
This everybody knows
At my poor old momma's wake
The dog ate mother's toes

Freemont H. Christ

14 posted on 07/17/2003 1:48:27 PM PDT by Argh
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To: Slings and Arrows
Here's my contribution:

Of toes and dogs

"The dog ate mother's toes",
Why this theme? Nobody knows.
This Freemont fellow's quite alarming,
my sensibilities he's harming.
All this talk of dogs and toes
phrased in polyphonic prose
reel through my mind just like a twister.
I've read enough, now stop it, Mister!

Freemont Remont Publicmont
15 posted on 07/18/2003 7:57:08 AM PDT by okie_10 (I'm a poet but didn't know it, but my feet did, they're long fellows.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
My submission under the name of Freemont Aaaaaabalaba:


A lachrymose wind blew,
Tearing like rent fabric across the plain;
The dog ate.
My mother's toes drummed like castanets
As an inky fury submerged me.
Beer. My sunlight, my love, my hope;
The very helium in the shiny silver balloon of my life;
I think I'll have some.
Pull the tab,
A grenade for the summer evening.
Stop, the infernal drumming!
The porch resonates beneath her rocker.
Pffft.
Glug.
Ahhhhhhh.

Silence.

Hope.
16 posted on 07/19/2003 2:36:45 PM PDT by RightOnTheLeftCoast
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To: Slings and Arrows
From Dave Barry's blog:

THOSE SNEAKY BASTARDS

...at poetry.com have gone and legitimized the
Freemont Project.

(Thanks for the alert to John Jewitt)
posted by Dave 6:09 PM

17 posted on 07/27/2003 4:20:42 PM PDT by The Hon. Galahad Threepwood
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To: The Hon. Galahad Threepwood; mhking
Those vermin! Somebody needs to code a Freemont-bot to teach them a lesson!
18 posted on 07/27/2003 6:31:37 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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To: Slings and Arrows
And Mine....

Ode to the De-Toed

Once upon a midday dreary,

As I wandered in the clearing,

Looking for a place to rest and ponder woes

As I nodded in the bushes,

Where the life so often rushes

Suddenly I felt the brushes on the

outside of my big toes...

As I looked down at my feet

What stranger scene did my eyes meet

Than a puppy dog, so sweet,

Snarling at my pinky toes...

Suddenly there came a crunching,

As of something slowly munching,

A little dog had made a luncheon

Out of all my little Toes!

As my thoughts turned quick to Fleeing,

I could not believe what I was seeing,

The little pup that had been eating

Had also ate my mother's toes!

Freemont Preech1 Freeper

Copyright ©2003 Freemont Preech1 Freeper


19 posted on 07/27/2003 7:50:27 PM PDT by Preech1 (Pax Romana, meet Pax Americana...)
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To: Preech1
Beautiful! Edgar Allen Poe would be proud. And drunk.
20 posted on 07/27/2003 8:12:07 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Am Yisrael Chai!)
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