Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 07/26/2002 7:28:54 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
I don't like the sign of the times
My credit's still good...right Joe?
On Friday afternoon we get to have an hour and a half as adults together and can pretend we are not parents!!!!
I don't do it for a number of reasons - the first being me and needles do not get along. There has to be a major compelling reason for me to allow anyone to stick a needle in me.
All kidding aside, I generally do not qualify to give blood because of my weight, rather my lack thereof.
My final reason - I'm a smoker and there have been too many reports of smokers being denied blood transfusions and organ donations because they smoke. Additionally there have been numerous reports of the blood and or organs of smokers being rejected just because the donor was a smoker.
I don't have to use a lampshade to prove I'me the biggest drunk of this party!!!!!!
That's GREAT! Did you have fun? I'm back now, too.
Convinced 2 more people to go with roll your own!!!
Some pretty good jokes today.
And, since one of the themes concerns parrots, here is one of my favorite parrot stories.
It is better around Christmas time, but hey, we are all friends here!
Chet, the Christmas Parrot
A man wanted to get his wife something really special for Christmas. He knew of her love for birds, and so went to a pet store to get her that something really special.
After explaining to the proprietor what he wanted, the proprietor said, "I have just the thing for you. Chet, the Christmas parrot."
He took the man over to a corner of the store, and in a cage was a beautiful parrot.
The man looked at the bird, and asked, "What is so special about Chet, the Christmas parrot?"
The proprietor said, "Look and listen." He then lit a match and gently held it, through the cage, under the parrot's left foot. Among a few squawks, the parrot sang Jingle Bells. Then, the proprietor took another match and held the flame under the parrot's right foot, and among a few squawks, the parrot sang Deck the Halls.
"This is perfect," said the man. He bought the bird and took it home and showed it to his wife.
"Honey, this is your extra special Christmas present, Chet the Christmas parrot," he said.
"Oh may, he is beautiful. But what makes him so special?" asked the wife.
"Look and listen," said the man. He produced a cigarette lighter, lit it, and gently, through the cage, placed it under the parrot's left foot. Among a few squawks, the parrot sang Jingle Bells. Then, he placed the flame under the parrots right foot, and among a few squawks the parrot sang Deck the Halls.
The wife was duly impressed. Then she asked, "What if you place the flame between the feet?"
"I don't know," replied her husband. And, then he fired up the lighter and placed it, carefully, through the cage, between the parrot's feet.
And, among a few squawks, the parrot sang ....
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"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire."
And, one for the road..................
Mexican Jews?
Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
"Sid", asked Al, "are there any Jews in Mexico?"
"I don't know" Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask", the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again". I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"
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On a more serious note (very slightly more serious) these darn globalists are getting their paws into everything. Here is a report from the latest European Commission.
The European Commission
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". this will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z", and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a ril sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and ervivon vil find itezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.
Biting my tongue it's too easy biting my tongue it's too easy...
THERE you are! I got lost in another thread.
Rolling your own is the only way to go anymore. I sure don't mind it, and the money saved it enormous!
I'm sure I'll run into you tomorrow - if I don't, I know how to find you :-)
YES I've seen it before and it gets me every time, bro... Bwahaha... Damn I shouldn't'v' drunk all that damn beer...
Hey, I was Google Searching for pics on the hitler clintoon thread
and found this. Is this the party ya went to over the weekend? lol !
A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. If she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his arse.
A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?" The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."
The doctor said, "At 106 years, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"
His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
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