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GENEVA— The word spread like wildfire on role-playing websites Friday following the stunning news the Fantasy Gaming Institute had at long last engineered the heretofore unattainable 24-sided die. According to Eric Wallen, a 34-year old Radio Shack employee who's also an 18th level Mystical Elf known as Bilbo Bezzlebug with a +100 immunity to magic spells, the new invention is the greatest contribution to Dungeons and Dragons since the invention of Fiddle Faddle. "People used to say I was wasting my life with this role-playing stuff," Wallen said. "I can't believe how close I was to giving up my regular, Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday D & D game. But now these new dice have totally changed everything." Researchers at the Gaming Institute spent several years working on the groundbreaking dice, while many in scientific community doubted whether a die consisting of more than 20 sides was physically possible. Most famous among these doubters was Stephen Hawking, who once wrote a paper claiming "a polyhedral die with over 20 sides would supply results so varied and unpredictable, pursuing this course of action would be reckless. Perhaps even foolhardy!" Foolhardiness aside, the researchers bravely pressed on and within a decade produced the world's first 24-sided die by smelting plutonium together with a beat-up old golf ball. The invention couldn’t come at a better time for the world of fantasy gaming, as many feel the popularity of role playing games has fallen to a new low due to the free and easy access to the youth drug Ecstasy, which has provided teens with a fantasy life that often involves girls and sex. Jimmy Fryberg, 38, brushed off the criticism and vowed to keep playing no matter how many times his mother called him for dinner. "People said the same thing in back in the late 80's with the release of Curse of the Azure Bonds and the Secret of the Silver Blades." Fryberg said. "Then the defeat of Tyranthraxus the Flamed One when the heroic party was waylaid, knocked out, and marked with the five mysterious azure bonds, it changed everything." Added Fryberg. "Man, those were the best years of my life." |
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Above: Jimmy Fryberg loves D&D so much he sold his testicles to pay for a new computer for online gaming. |
