Fantasy gaming institute invents 24-sided die, social retards rejoice

Bob From Accounting ^ | Brian Farrelly and Jay Barba

[Texaggie79]

GENEVA— The word spread like wildfire on role-playing websites Friday following the stunning news the Fantasy Gaming Institute had at long last engineered the heretofore unattainable 24-sided die. According to Eric Wallen, a 34-year old Radio Shack employee who's also an 18th level Mystical Elf known as Bilbo Bezzlebug with a +100 immunity to magic spells, the new invention is the greatest contribution to Dungeons and Dragons since the invention of Fiddle Faddle. "People used to say I was wasting my life with this role-playing stuff," Wallen said. "I can't believe how close I was to giving up my regular, Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday D & D game. But now these new dice have totally changed everything." Researchers at the Gaming Institute spent several years working on the groundbreaking dice, while many in scientific community doubted whether a die consisting of more than 20 sides was physically possible. Most famous among these doubters was Stephen Hawking, who once wrote a paper claiming "a polyhedral die with over 20 sides would supply results so varied and unpredictable, pursuing this course of action would be reckless. Perhaps even foolhardy!" Foolhardiness aside, the researchers bravely pressed on and within a decade produced the world's first 24-sided die by smelting plutonium together with a beat-up old golf ball. The invention couldn’t come at a better time for the world of fantasy gaming, as many feel the popularity of role playing games has fallen to a new low due to the free and easy access to the youth drug Ecstasy, which has provided teens with a fantasy life that often involves girls and sex. Jimmy Fryberg, 38, brushed off the criticism and vowed to keep playing no matter how many times his mother called him for dinner. "People said the same thing in back in the late 80's with the release of Curse of the Azure Bonds and the Secret of the Silver Blades." Fryberg said. "Then the defeat of Tyranthraxus the Flamed One when the heroic party was waylaid, knocked out, and marked with the five mysterious azure bonds, it changed everything." Added Fryberg. "Man, those were the best years of my life."

Above: Jimmy Fryberg loves D&D so much he sold his testicles to pay for a new computer for online gaming.

[Texaggie79]

Ping

[JenB]

I don't roleplay, but I do know one thing.... there are already 24-sided dice. In fact I've seen dice with (I believe) 36 sides...

[Texaggie79]

I don't roleplay, but I do know one thing.... there are already 24-sided dice.

MMMM HMMM, sure, you don't roleplay. Like a normal person would have seen a 24 or 36 sided die?......

[weikel]

Ive seen 100 sides lol 'm not roleplaying noww not enough slots some more characters have to die.

[JenB]

I have friends who roleplay. I don't roleplay only because I don't have transportation or time for roleplaying.

Besides, reading is way more intensely fun than roleplaying, anyway. Who wants to pretend to be an Elf when you can read about 'em?

[Texaggie79]

A roll player would say, "there are those that Do and those that read about those that do." :-)

[JenB]

Or, as my friends say: there are those who read about Elves, there are those who believe in Elves, there are those who roleplay Elves, there are those who write about Elves, and there are those who believe they are Elves.

(I'm in categories1, 2, and 4. I know my limits!)

[Sir Gawain]

Who wants to pretend to be an Elf when you can read about 'em?

Who wants to read about a character when you can control its actions? :-)~

[Sir Gawain]

BTW, I'm attacking with my long sword.

[realpatriot71]

Man, that brings back memories. In high school we used to get stoned and then play D&D for hours (sorry guys no demons every showed up and no I never started worshiping the devil - we were all about scoring with virgins, not sacrificing them [what a waste of a virgin]).

Coolest character was this half dark-elf/half-human wererat assasin. I also had a pretty solid druid, although he was SOOOOOOO hard to work up. Good times, good times . . .

[realpatriot71]

I block your long sword attack with my mystical mythril +10 shield - HA!

[Texaggie79]

d00d, the guys in my highschool who played D&D not only never smoked pot, but got their @$$es kicked daily by the people who did.

[Sir Gawain]

half dark-elf/half-human wererat assasin.

You went around assassinating wererats? I can see why, if you were half Drow/half human. Who would want you?

[Sir Gawain]

+10? Funny.

[JenB]

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm attacking you right back with the Frying Pan of Doom!

[realpatriot71]

That was the way it was with us too, but I was the "bridge" between two worlds. You see I was a total nerd until puberty hit and it turned out I was an athletic monster. I remember those who were my friends when no one else was and I felt I needed to share. :-) I was the one that brought the weed to my nerd buddies who, after a long time of pursuasion and numerous internet science articles (you know how nerds are), smoked it and LIKED it (although they had to be QUITE paranoid about it for QUITE a long time - HA!) I miss my nerd buddies.

[realpatriot71]

No I was the wererat - which I meant I would turn into a rather large rat (normally at the DM's discretion)

[Sir Gawain]

Um, if 1/2 is drow, 1/2 is human, that leaves 0% left to be wererat.

[Sir Gawain]

Apparently you were rolling new characters during math class.