Top 10 Reasons To Move To Alabama

The Bee ^ | Aug 20, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

Nestled in the heart of the South, there's a reason America's 22nd state is called "Sweet Home Alabama."

Here are the top 10 reasons to pack up and move to the heart of Dixie:

1. Nice people always telling you to bless your heart: Southern hospitality at its finest.

2. No one gets too worked up about football: Finally, people who act sensible about teenage kids playing a silly game.

3. Home of the famous Aflac commercial actor Nick Saban: He's so great talking to that duck.

4. Never have to walk more than 17 steps to get to a Waffle House: A little taste of what Heaven must be like.

5. Can lose 53 pounds from sweat just sitting there: Where else can you drop three pant sizes without leaving your front porch?

6. Always just one glass of tea away from experiencing the joy of diabetes: Sweet.

7. Never have to think of what to say for a eulogy: "Roll Tide" or "War Eagle" will suffice.

8. There are more guns than there are people: As the Lord intended.

9. People there haven't lynched anyone recently: Way to go, Alabama.

10. Within easy driving distance of Florida: One of its finest attributes.

What more do you need to know? Sell your home and head to 'Bama.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: alabama; babylonbee; satire

[dayglored]

A good friend of mine who's an Alabama boy tells me these are all pretty much true. Even the silly ones are sorta in the right general direction. :-)

[dayglored]

11. Lynyrd Skynyrd: "Freebird" is by far the most requested song in rock-n-roll. And Neil Young can KMA.

[dfwgator]

How to Fake Being Southern

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEt6L0uhSq4

[dayglored]

Yeah, I know, Lynyrd Skynyrd is strictly speaking a Florida band. See #10 above.

[AppyPappy]

A coworker from Alabama said that Huntsville and Mobile are 3 states away from each other.

[Dr. Sivana]

I lived five miles from the border of Phenix City, Al, in Columbus, GA.

When the Atlanta Falcons performed the biggest choke in SUper Bowl history, nothing but yawns at work. When Clemson beat Alabama, completely different story. The TV in the break room was always on the SEC channel.

I was told if I was going to live around there I would have to carry a pocket knife with me at all times, and should stop ordering my iced tea unsweetened. (One time, when the restaurant sweetened it anyway, I asked for a replacement. They gave me ANOTHER sweet tea. True story.)

There should be something in the list about somebody in EVERY family being in the corn squeezins’ business. The Linux admin I worked with from Auburn gave me nice details about how to run one. It included Tums and aquarium thermostats.

[V_TWIN]

You do know Skynyrd isn’t from Alabama right?

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I used to fly down all the time, and they ring true. I love the place and its people.

[V_TWIN]

Never mind, I didn’t see your other post

[dfwgator]

Skynyrd says it’s a real sweet home, but it ain’t nothing to me.

[Verginius Rufus]

Phenix City is still alive in the Little League World Series. Are people in Columbus, GA, rooting for them?

[Fiji Hill]

Alabama Stomp--Gus Edwards & His Orchestra

[struggle]

https://youtu.be/BrimMyOoEDA?si=TNi0LuICI6ChaN9A

[Fiji Hill]

I’ve never been to a Waffle House. There are none in California.

[Alas Babylon!]

I'm right here in the Heart of Dixie, rural Alabama longleaf pine, sweet gum, red cedar and black oak forest, rolling pastures of Bermuda grass, and all the bird, reptiles (gators included), mammals and amphibians you want. Rivers full of more fish species than anywhere else in the USA.

God's humid Paradise.

And we don't lynch anyone. Anyone who did was decades ago and they saw or will see the Judgment of the Lord. It happened, true. So did slavery. So did the trail of tears. You can't change history, but you can learn from it.

[Rowdyone]

Alabama gets a bad rap. When I visited there we did a road trip following our noses but including Birmingham and Montgomery, both of which had Black Americans living in nice brick houses. I’ve seen far more squalor in “glamorous” cities like L.A., S.F., Portland and Seattle.

[Alas Babylon!]

We also have Huddle House here in Alabama. That's for people who's town is too small and poor for a fancy Waffle House.

And no, I am not kidding. They're also all over the South. 37 in Alabama, 60 in Georgia, and many more other states.

[where's_the_Outrage?]

What’s the definition of an Alabama queer? A guy that likes girls more than football.

[Tell It Right]

11. There's good engineering work in Huntsville.

12. Lower percentage of the women are AWFULs.

13. When we say "football" it's not that wussy kickball sport.

14. Most people can quote Scripture.

15. Many women know more about football than the female sports journalists walking on the fields.

16. Corn casserole

17. Less man buns

18. Sweet potato biscuits

19. It's hot enough for women to wear shorts half the year.

20. We trust God more than government.

[Verginius Rufus]

Alabama also has a Bucc-ee’s, off I-65 19 miles south of the Tennessee state line. It may be the only one in the state, I don’t know.