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10 Rejected Titles For Biden’s New Memoir
Babylon Bee ^ | July 17, 2026 | Staff

Posted on 07/17/2026 5:27:38 AM PDT by Twotone

At long last, the wait is over — President Joe Biden has written a memoir about his time in the White House. The book, titled Promise Me, America, will be released this fall following the November midterm elections, but that wasn't the only title that was pitched.

Here is an exclusive list of potential titles that were rejected:

1. If You Don't Read This, You Ain't Black: Close, but the marketing team wanted to cast a wider net.

2. My Time As, You Know, The Thing: All the trademark clarity of his presidency in one phrase.

3. Two Scoops of Mint Chocolate Chip, Waffle Cone, Please: Always ice cream with this guy.

4. Look, Fat: This option was ultimately discarded to avoid body shaming any potential readers.

5. The Last of the Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers: A tantalizing tease of the treasures found in the book.

6. My Life as a Chinese Asset: A little too raw and real-world.

7. Tales from a Truck Driving Lifeguard: This title was tossed after the fictional portion of the book was removed.

8. How We Finally Beat Medicare: An inspiring rallying cry everyone still hasn't figured out.

9. If I Did It: His "hypothetical" confession to killing America, right there in black and white.

10. Truinnernationalundrepressure: Surprisingly, this is more legible than the rest of the memoir.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; biden; dontletthedoorhityou; letsgobrandon; memoir
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1 posted on 07/17/2026 5:27:38 AM PDT by Twotone
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To: AdmSmith; AnonymousConservative; Arthur Wildfire! March; Berosus; Bockscar; BraveMan; cardinal4; ...

Chapter title idea: “I Didn’t Even Want Her as My Running Mate”. Babylon Bee.


2 posted on 07/17/2026 5:32:09 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (The Demagogic Party is just a collection of violent, rival street gangs.)
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To: Twotone

🤣🤣🤣


3 posted on 07/17/2026 5:37:00 AM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Twotone

Ghetto Pool Lifeguard : Coming Up Hard In The Hood, the Story of Joey B


4 posted on 07/17/2026 5:37:37 AM PDT by OldHarbor
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To: OldHarbor; Twotone

“I screwed America over for 50 years, you’ll never know the half of it and I’m glad I did it”


5 posted on 07/17/2026 5:41:15 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America....so great even the people that hate it won't leave!)
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To: Twotone

11. How being a stage prop can make you rich


6 posted on 07/17/2026 5:48:39 AM PDT by Vaduz (NEVER TRUST A DEMOCRAT)
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To: Twotone

Who wrote it and exactly how much input did the author get from “The Big Guy”?


7 posted on 07/17/2026 5:51:05 AM PDT by OrioleFan (Republicans believe every day is July 4th, Democrats believe every day is April 15th.)
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To: Twotone

Who Am I? Why Am I Here?


8 posted on 07/17/2026 5:54:20 AM PDT by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: OrioleFan; All

Jill wrote it


9 posted on 07/17/2026 5:54:26 AM PDT by SMARTY (In politics, stupidity is not a handicap. Napoleon Bonaparte I)
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To: Twotone

I Had A Title For This Book, But I Forgot It


10 posted on 07/17/2026 5:54:54 AM PDT by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: Twotone

“It’s 9AM.... let’s put a lid on it”


11 posted on 07/17/2026 6:08:50 AM PDT by alancarp (George Orwell was an optimist.)
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To: Twotone

My Butt’s Been Wiped!


12 posted on 07/17/2026 6:08:59 AM PDT by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: Twotone

“Well, son of a bitch! My Life in Politics”


13 posted on 07/17/2026 6:11:54 AM PDT by Sicon ("All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." - G. Orwell)
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To: Twotone

The Kids Who Used to Rub My Leg and Other Memories.


14 posted on 07/17/2026 6:12:48 AM PDT by Apparatchik (Русские свиньи, идите домой)
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To: Sicon

I’m Proof That All You Have To Be Is White In America.


15 posted on 07/17/2026 6:13:17 AM PDT by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: Twotone

They Gonna Put Y’all Back in Chains


16 posted on 07/17/2026 6:13:48 AM PDT by Apparatchik (Русские свиньи, идите домой)
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To: Apparatchik

This Memoir is a Big Effing Deal!


17 posted on 07/17/2026 6:16:48 AM PDT by Night Hides Not (Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad! Remember Gonzales! Come and Take It!)
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To: SunkenCiv

Lol


18 posted on 07/17/2026 6:19:51 AM PDT by Liz (“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies the work of His hands." (Psalm 19:1))
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To: Twotone

10% For The Big Guy :The Biden Crime Family


19 posted on 07/17/2026 6:20:33 AM PDT by OldHarbor
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To: All

“The Auto-Pen: A True Life WH Story.”


20 posted on 07/17/2026 6:21:30 AM PDT by Liz (“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies the work of His hands." (Psalm 19:1))
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