10 Rejected Titles For Biden’s New Memoir

Babylon Bee ^ | July 17, 2026 | Staff

[Twotone]

At long last, the wait is over — President Joe Biden has written a memoir about his time in the White House. The book, titled Promise Me, America, will be released this fall following the November midterm elections, but that wasn't the only title that was pitched.

Here is an exclusive list of potential titles that were rejected:

1. If You Don't Read This, You Ain't Black: Close, but the marketing team wanted to cast a wider net.

2. My Time As, You Know, The Thing: All the trademark clarity of his presidency in one phrase.

3. Two Scoops of Mint Chocolate Chip, Waffle Cone, Please: Always ice cream with this guy.

4. Look, Fat: This option was ultimately discarded to avoid body shaming any potential readers.

5. The Last of the Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers: A tantalizing tease of the treasures found in the book.

6. My Life as a Chinese Asset: A little too raw and real-world.

7. Tales from a Truck Driving Lifeguard: This title was tossed after the fictional portion of the book was removed.

8. How We Finally Beat Medicare: An inspiring rallying cry everyone still hasn't figured out.

9. If I Did It: His "hypothetical" confession to killing America, right there in black and white.

10. Truinnernationalundrepressure: Surprisingly, this is more legible than the rest of the memoir.

[SunkenCiv]

Chapter title idea: “I Didn’t Even Want Her as My Running Mate”. Babylon Bee.

[Magnum44]

🤣🤣🤣

[OldHarbor]

Ghetto Pool Lifeguard : Coming Up Hard In The Hood, the Story of Joey B

[V_TWIN]

“I screwed America over for 50 years, you’ll never know the half of it and I’m glad I did it”

[Vaduz]

11. How being a stage prop can make you rich

[OrioleFan]

Who wrote it and exactly how much input did the author get from “The Big Guy”?

[dfwgator]

Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

[SMARTY]

Jill wrote it

[dfwgator]

I Had A Title For This Book, But I Forgot It

[alancarp]

“It’s 9AM.... let’s put a lid on it”

[dfwgator]

My Butt’s Been Wiped!

[Sicon]

“Well, son of a bitch! My Life in Politics”

[Apparatchik]

The Kids Who Used to Rub My Leg and Other Memories.

[dfwgator]

I’m Proof That All You Have To Be Is White In America.

[Apparatchik]

They Gonna Put Y’all Back in Chains

[Night Hides Not]

This Memoir is a Big Effing Deal!

[Liz]

Lol

[OldHarbor]

10% For The Big Guy :The Biden Crime Family

[Liz]

“The Auto-Pen: A True Life WH Story.”