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Posted on 04/11/2026 4:57:35 AM PDT by DoodleBob
Raise your hand if someone close to you – friend, relative, co-worker – has been personally touched by divorce. Sadly, I’ve been able to raise my hand for all three at certain points of my life, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you can as well. Perhaps you’ve even been divorced yourself.
The prevalence of divorce in our culture is likely why so few say anything against it. Afraid of stepping on toes, we dance around the topic, telling divorcees that they’re “so brave” for separating from their partner, or that they did the right thing to get out and “find themselves.”
Allow me to say what everyone else is scared to say: Such sweet nothings are plain hogwash. In reality, divorce – particularly the easy, no-fault divorce of which so many couples have taken advantage in the last several decades – is likely at the root of many of the societal ills we are dealing with today, particularly those which affect today’s children – children who will become tomorrow’s adults.
“Divorce introduces instability, confusion, and questions of loyalty into the already complex nature of childhood,” Katy Faust and Stacy Manning write in “Them Before Us.” They go on to mention at least four major issues our culture deals with today that have a logical connection to the prevalence of divorce in American families.
Cancel Culture
Can’t deal with the opinion a friend holds? Cancel him. Can’t maneuver the quirks and disagreements of extended family members? Cut them off. Don’t want to come up with rational arguments for an online debate? Block the account. All these are forms of the cancel culture which has spread across our country like a rash in the last 10 years or so.
But is it possible that cancel culture is so prevalent because many in our society learned from their parents’ example that cancelation is the easiest way to deal with problems?
One child of divorce interviewed for Faust and Manning’s book thinks the answer is yes. She recounts how her father disappeared for several weeks, then returned for a brief time, only to leave again, sitting in the car sobbing as he left his family behind, presumably forced out by his wife. “Mom never acknowledged what her decisions caused,” this woman writes. “We learned ‘cancel culture’ at home, and it’s all we know how to do.”
Healthcare Problems
Many of our wallets took a hit earlier this year when higher insurance costs kicked in. Those same high costs are often what drive people to say that healthcare is a right which the government should provide.
Surprisingly, there may be a connection between the high costs of healthcare and divorce. According to Faust and Manning, “Parental divorce has been linked to heart disease, diabetes, and asthma. It’s also been shown to double the likelihood kids will have trouble with their gut, skin, nervous system, genitals, and urinary organs.” Such statistics lead them to conclude, “The correlation between divorced parents and their children’s compromised health are so direct, any serious plan to reduce the cost of healthcare should begin with reducing the divorce rate.”
A novel idea? Yes. But does it make sense? Absolutely. And perhaps the only reason we haven’t acknowledged or thought about this sooner is because too many adults would rather put their own feelings over the physical health and wellbeing of their children.
Falling Test Scores
It’s no secret that American academics are abysmal. According to the most recent Nation’s Report Card, only 35% of 12th-graders are proficient in reading and only 22% are proficient in math. Poor standards and other weak education policies deserve partial blame for such scores, but does home environment impact more than we realize?
“Ask any educator to identify the common factor among kids who struggle in school, and most would agree: It’s a broken home,” Faust and Manning write. “Navigating the transition between two houses, an exhausted single parent, or the merry-go-round of cohabiting parental partners and/or stepfamilies leaves kids with little time or mental energy to memorize multiplication tables.”
Teachers continually say that classroom behavior problems prevent them from teaching. But consider that the instability of broken homes can cause children to act up. Perhaps if we had fewer broken homes, we’d have more orderly classrooms, which in turn would allow teachers to focus on teaching rather than wasting time on discipline, leading to more knowledgeable graduates who can later contribute to the economic and entrepreneurial growth of the nation.
Family Formation
Late last year, Pew Research revealed that only 67% of 12th-graders say they’ll likely choose to get married, down from 80% in 1993. One can only surmise that if these declining marriage rates hold, birthrates will decline also – dangerous territory considering that the “U.S. fertility rate … reached a record low in 2024.”
Researchers have long connected the hesitation to marry and have kids with those whose own parents divorced when they were children. What many may not realize, however, is how high the likelihood of divorce actually is for these kids. Faust and Manning write:
Children of divorce whose parents never remarried are 45 percent more likely to divorce, and those whose divorced parents married stepparents were 91 percent more likely to divorce compared with adults raised in intact biological families. … [O]ne and done ought to be your mantra because the second time is no charm.
If we really want to change culture, then we must confront the uncomfortable realities that are causing problems in that same culture. Just from these few examples alone, it seems divorce is a major root of many of our issues. Is it time we swallow our pride and our own emotional comfort as adults and do away with no-fault divorce?
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This is why I wrote The same mindset that says “I’m against divorce except for cases of ____” is the same demonic mindset that says “I’m against abortion except in cases of _____.”
Jesus gave us pretty clear instructions on this matter. People have expanded Jesus’ Word way beyond what is permissible.
As such, when divorce comes up, the pro-divorce lot adopt the abortion trick and ask about divorce-equivalent of incest and rape.
For the record, any man who beats a woman is not a man.
“2) Statistically, most domestic abuse is initiated by women, so let’s not only see men as the bad person here.”
Whoa there. It’s wives who get killed by husbands in the vast number of spousal murders!
“stop draining his credit cards”
I hate to admit it but I’ve been married 3 times. Each time I went into the marriage with zero credit card debt and came out of each one with 5 figure debt. All 3 were professional women who made decent money (as did I). It was just never enough. It’s a miracle I never went bankrupt.
CHRISTIANS should do away with divorce. Everyone else can do as they please. Marriage wasn’t designed for lost people.
My first X has been happily married to an architect for over 30 years. She got caught having fun with my best friend in my bed. That alone ended our marriage.
My second X wife and I were gifted/blessed with a beautiful daughter who now has brought me two beautiful grand kids. That X and I are “friends” which means we are polite and respectful to each other when our paths cross. She has had two more marriages. Both failed.
Sometimes Divorce is the ONLY way out of the misery and ultimately is proven to have been the RIGHT thing to do.
Some people change over time and can’t deal with marriage.
Best note how your future mate how they handle commitment stress money friends moods....................................
It takes two to buy a house one the take it away from you not good math.
Yup - everybody knows how to fix everyone elses problems.
I'm a bit in awe of people who manage to make it work, or made it work 'til death did them part. Especially my parents. 😊
Your statement is true.
But my statement is also true: Most of the domestic abuse is initiated by women.
No one is saying that women "deserve" any of it. But women physically attack men quite often. And sometimes the end result is that the man kills the woman. No one should choose violence. That is a lesson that should be learned by both men and women.
“Gee, what man doesn’t want to sign a one-sided contract with the government wherein the other party may cancel the contract at anytime to receive half the man’s assets, his house, the children and a salary for cheating on him? The settlement is then enforced by the government and its appointed court officers, representatives and enforcement officers.”
The same thing happened to me in my divorce. *I* was punished financially for *his* bad behavior!
Won’t make that mistake ever again. Happily divorced and plan to stay that way. :)
IMO whomever has the most assets is who they go after.
It’s just plunder of private assets.
I think this comment underscores a central issue in marriage at this point in American history. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment to each other, a vow to literally love and honor each other, and from a religious perspective a union sanctified by God. When one or both partners don't prioritize, aspire, and work to make their marriage better, their nuclear family happy, healthy, and prosperous, and to make each other's lives better than they would be if they weren't together, the marriage suffers and diminishes the life of at least one partner.
When you marry someone who voluntarily commits more of their quality time, attention, and efforts to someone or something other than you (preferentially hanging out with friends or their family of origin, preoccupation with social media, sitting in front of a TV, preferentially pursuing their own activities and hobbies that are only entertaining to them) this sends the unmistakable message that you are not a primary focus of their life.
When your partner hurts you financially, particularly when they aren't contributing financially, this also sends an unmistakable message that your well-being and happiness is not a priority of theirs. If you marry someone for a specific arrangement it had better be an agreed upon arrangement - or it will never lead to mutual happiness.
The world is difficult enough to navigate. If you combine your life with someone who doesn't truly respect you, doesn't truly love you, you will have a harder time navigating it and will be in some way diminished. It obviously gets worse when someone is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive.
People need to think about these things way, way before planning a wedding. Getting married because it's 'the thing to do' is not a good plan. It's an incredibly serious thing, and can make or break your life. My overall point is that people really need to think about what marriage is, what they are willing to give to marriage, and whether they truly know, love, and trust the person they are contemplating entering a lifelong partnership with. We are often way too frivolous as a society, and this not only puts us at risk, it also puts our children at risk.
IMHO
Isn’t so-called “Irreconcilable Differences”, unilaterally claimed, 100% procedurally and substantively irrefutable by the spouse of the claimer, and therefore irreversibly charting a course toward a complete legal (i.e., only secular) dissolution of the union in question, actually the true scourge of society?
So-called “No Fault” divorce (that is, agreed to by both spouses) admittedly also being a societal ill.
I’d like to see some data here.
https://cde.ucr.cjis.gov/LATEST/resources/reports/Domestic%20Relationships%20and%20Violent%20Crimes%202020-2024.pdf Women are more like to be abused than men, and men are more likely to initiate the abuse, per this report.
This summary - https://domesticviolenceresearch.org/domestic-violence-facts-and-statistics-at-a-glance/ - says, in part where women appear as aggressors more often, the “ Range of findings due to variety of samples and operational definitions of PV.
Parenthetically, we argue strongly that men who transition to women are still guys. These “women” beat gals in all kinds of athletic events. It strains credulity to say women abuse men more often in the same breath.
Even modern, classy women are snapping, and committing astonishing acts of domestic violence.
The “system” has been and remains willfully blind to that fact, eliminating a crucial disincentive that could otherwise have stemmed the tide.
Marriages within the Church are forever, though. Legal separation, even legal divorce is permissible within that higher law. Just not so-called “re-marriage”.
Admittedly, there is the argument that children produced by unions referred to in the secular society by the term “re-marriage” are blessings bestowed by God. And so, how tough can we be on those who “re-marry”?
Absolutely not. Don’t force people who hate each other to live together just because neither of them has committed a “fault”.
A good portion of the serial offenders, people who really shouldn’t be getting married in the first place, and get divorced over and over and over. Like Liz Taylor.
True, but women have been killed by abusive men.
And likewise, many wives have killed their husbands.
So what’s your answer to violence and/or adultery in a marriage?
Many people misunderstand no-fault divorce.
You can be married to a serial cheater, for example, and get a no-fault divorce.
No-fault is only a way to divorce without dragging all the dirty details through court, which can get very expensive.
The outcome is usually the same as a fault divorce, anyway.
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