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Ayatollah To Give Speech As Soon As Officials Find The Rest Of His Body
babylonbee.com ^
| Feb 28, 2026
Posted on 02/28/2026 1:12:30 PM PST by V_TWIN
TEHRAN — Iranian officials have promised that Ayatollah Khamenei will give a speech just as soon as they have located the rest of his body.
The Iranian government has said it will prove that the strikes on Iran have been a complete failure by showing Khamenei alive and well. How6ever, the speech will have to wait until they can find his legs.
"The world shall see how the cowardly attacks of America could never touch Allah's chosen one," said an Iranian official. "The Ayatollah himself will speak to his people, as soon as he has, ah, gathered himself. We are waiting only for the moment when the pieces have fallen into place, so to speak."
At publishing time, suspicions had been raised after the speech was given by Khamenei's head on a broomstick with an aide moving his jaw up and down.
TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire; weekendatkhameneis
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1
posted on
02/28/2026 1:12:30 PM PST
by
V_TWIN
To: V_TWIN
2
posted on
02/28/2026 1:15:33 PM PST
by
faithhopecharity
("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
To: V_TWIN
Thanks a lot, Babylon Bee. Now I have beer and snot all over my phone.
3
posted on
02/28/2026 1:17:30 PM PST
by
Texas Eagle
(If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. )
To: faithhopecharity
Khamenei just wants piece, the piece of him there, the piece of him over there and the piece of him up there.
4
posted on
02/28/2026 1:17:39 PM PST
by
Skwor
To: V_TWIN
Parts is parts, whethere it is KFC or Fried Mullah
5
posted on
02/28/2026 1:19:23 PM PST
by
BigEdLB
(Schiff to GITMO)
To: V_TWIN
Despite it being a joke, what if they had an AI produced video shown to incite the Iranian supporters?
Even the Forrest Gump and Jurassic Park cgi effects looked real back then. So much better ones from AI now.
6
posted on
02/28/2026 1:19:40 PM PST
by
frank ballenger
(There's a battle outside and it's raging. It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls. )
To: V_TWIN
He’ll still be able to vote for Democrats in all 435 House districts and 33 Senate races.
7
posted on
02/28/2026 1:20:05 PM PST
by
KarlInOhio
(Dept. of Education should teach about Nietzsche: DOGE didn't kill it and now it's stronger than ever)
To: V_TWIN
8
posted on
02/28/2026 1:20:14 PM PST
by
BipolarBob
(Call my personal secretary, Jennie, at 867-5309.)
To: faithhopecharity
9
posted on
02/28/2026 1:20:15 PM PST
by
Theophilus
(covfefe)
To: V_TWIN
To: Texas Eagle
11
posted on
02/28/2026 1:24:25 PM PST
by
V_TWIN
(America....so great even the people that hate it won't leave)
To: V_TWIN
🎶Hey-nah! Heeey-nah! The Bee is back!🎶
12
posted on
02/28/2026 1:24:34 PM PST
by
BradyLS
(DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
To: Texas Eagle
13
posted on
02/28/2026 1:26:48 PM PST
by
V_TWIN
(America....so great even the people that hate it won't leave)
To: V_TWIN
To: V_TWIN
15
posted on
02/28/2026 1:31:27 PM PST
by
Texas Eagle
(If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. )
To: Skwor
each piece collects welfare and votes D in california????
16
posted on
02/28/2026 1:34:12 PM PST
by
faithhopecharity
("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
To: Theophilus
each piece collects welfare and votes D in california????
17
posted on
02/28/2026 1:34:46 PM PST
by
faithhopecharity
("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
To: V_TWIN
18
posted on
02/28/2026 1:36:36 PM PST
by
rktman
(Destroy America from within? On hold! Enlisted USN 1967 proudly. 🚫💉! 🇮🇱🙏! Winning currently!)
To: V_TWIN
Being Ayatollah is just his part time gig.
19
posted on
02/28/2026 1:43:53 PM PST
by
Sirius Lee
("Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.)
To: V_TWIN
Bystanders report that the ayatollah was “Rippen Mad!”
“He is trying to get himself together in order to make a speech.”
“He did not believe that he would depart in the manner he was!”
20
posted on
02/28/2026 2:22:37 PM PST
by
BatGuano
(Donald J. Trump, thank you!.)
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