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To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah
babylonbee.com ^ | Dec 15, 2025

Posted on 12/15/2025 6:51:24 AM PST by V_TWIN

MELBOURNE — To stem the growing tide of violence against Jewish citizens, the Australian government has moved to officially ban the celebration of Hanukkah.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese made the announcement in the wake of Islamic attacks on a public Hanukkah celebration, which Albanese believes prompted the killings.

"If Jews were not celebrating Hanukkah, this tragedy could have been prevented," said Albanese. "Some people don't want to blame Hanukkah, but let me ask you: did people get shot anywhere else except at the Hanukkah celebration? No. This is all because of Hanukkah. How many lives do we have to lose because of Hanukkah before we act?"

The Prime Minister then immediately issued an order officially banning Hanukkah, menorahs, Stars of David, and "anything else those people with the hats do to cause violence."

A few Australians pushed back on the decree as an infringement of religious liberty, but to no avail. "Sounds like someone is in league with Big Hannukah," responded Prime Minister Albanese to his critics. "I think it's disgusting that people would care more about their precious little holiday than saving lives. They're probably getting paid by Israel to say that."

At publishing time, Australia had announced they would go ahead and ban all religious celebrations other than Muslim, just to be safe.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: australia; babylonbee; hanukkah
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I wouldn't doubt they are actually considering this.

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1 posted on 12/15/2025 6:51:24 AM PST by V_TWIN
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To: V_TWIN

They pretty much did this in Germany with Christmas


2 posted on 12/15/2025 6:53:04 AM PST by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
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To: V_TWIN

This isn’t satire.


3 posted on 12/15/2025 6:53:52 AM PST by dfwgator ("I am Charlie Kirk!")
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To: dfwgator

I know 😏


4 posted on 12/15/2025 7:02:10 AM PST by V_TWIN (America........so great even the people that hate it won't leave)
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To: dfwgator

Sadly.


5 posted on 12/15/2025 7:12:53 AM PST by No name given ( Anonymous is who you’ll know me as )
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To: V_TWIN

Escaped that Bee sting, but just barely.


6 posted on 12/15/2025 7:13:10 AM PST by Socon-Econ (adi)
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To: V_TWIN

Instead of banning non muslim religions, I’ve got a better idea: let’s ban ISlime along with mooselimbs from planet earth.


7 posted on 12/15/2025 7:17:34 AM PST by No name given ( Anonymous is who you’ll know me as )
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To: No name given

I used to think that islam and muslims were at perpetual war with everybody everywhere.

But the Abraham Accords are making me think hard about that.

If muslim countries do actually make peace, with Israel of all countries in this case, maybe there is hope.

I know it is the comparatively enlightened elites of these countries making the peace, and that their retrograde populations disagree. But still!

We do need to reserve a space in which it is legitimate to be muslim and at peace, and reward and recognize those few muslims who arrive there. Like Redemption, people need a way to get right, or they will conclude that staying wrong is their only option.

This is very hard. My knee jerk reaction is often, “kill them all and let allah sort them out.” Which is wrong.

We have a 500 year project on our hands to defend against and yet still convert the thinking of muslims away from religiously sanctioned murder.

Tough stuff. Let’s all stay busy.


8 posted on 12/15/2025 7:28:14 AM PST by Uncle Miltie (Deport all muslims.)
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To: V_TWIN
Countdown to Reality...
three...two...one...

9 posted on 12/15/2025 7:28:16 AM PST by The Louiswu (USA FIRST...USA FOREVER)
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To: dfwgator

Pretty much what they’ve done in England and France.


10 posted on 12/15/2025 7:28:23 AM PST by TheThirdRuffian (Orange is the new brown)
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To: V_TWIN

This is no joke. Look at US campuses. They ban any speaker who is remotely conservative (or centrist for that matter) for “safety” reasons.


11 posted on 12/15/2025 7:39:53 AM PST by Opinionated Blowhard (When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.)
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To: Opinionated Blowhard
When talking about Muslum "Ramadan" the Media slobbers all over itself for weeks on end "The HOLY Month off Ramadan". Holy this, holy that, holy my ass.
12 posted on 12/15/2025 8:07:55 AM PST by Governor Dinwiddie ( O give thanks unto the Lord, for He is gracious, and his mercy endures forever. — Psalm 106)
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To: V_TWIN

Well, they are talking about more gun control, similar thought process.


13 posted on 12/15/2025 8:38:08 AM PST by Cold Heart
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To: V_TWIN

Usually that’s how it works.


14 posted on 12/15/2025 8:57:55 AM PST by SkyDancer ( ~ Am Yisrael Chai ~)
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To: dfwgator

Gee maybe banning Christmas would stop persecution?


15 posted on 12/15/2025 9:12:19 AM PST by dvan (Send Them Home!Napolatono)
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To: V_TWIN

to halt violence against Christians and Jews... God Bans Australia’s government and it’s false structures that oppose His will being done on earth.

FWIW... it wont work.


16 posted on 12/15/2025 9:13:45 AM PST by MIA_eccl1212 (10-10-10-10)
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To: dfwgator

Oh! Bablylon Bee? This is getting like Youtube. How many false Ai videos are being placed?


17 posted on 12/15/2025 9:14:37 AM PST by dvan (Send Them Home!Napolatono)
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To: dfwgator

This isn’t satire. NOPE! Just Babylon Bee!


18 posted on 12/15/2025 9:15:57 AM PST by dvan (Send Them Home!Napolatono)
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To: dvan

Nazis: If we eliminate all Jews then there will be no need for anti-semitism.


19 posted on 12/15/2025 9:40:27 AM PST by spintreebob
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To: V_TWIN

Don’t give them any ideas please.


20 posted on 12/15/2025 11:18:25 AM PST by Midwesterner53
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