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Posted on 12/05/2025 5:33:00 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
Many companies claim to be modern and fair, yet some old habits still survive surprisingly well. One employee found out just how quickly things can escalate when she questioned a task she’d been quietly assigned for months.
Hello, Bright Side,
I’m 27F, a project engineer. My boss kept asking me to take notes at meetings with clients. I didn’t mind at first, until I noticed I was the only one he asked. When I finally refused, he smirked and said, “Women are best at it.” I reported him to HR.
The next day, I was heading to my desk when a coworker grabbed my arm and whispered, “He’s pissed. He’s been blaming you all morning.” I honestly felt sick walking to my workstation because I had no idea what he’d try next.
When I came up to my desk, I saw a small box sitting on it. Inside was a note. It said: “We both know you’ve overreacted. Let’s fix this between us.” There was also a Starbucks gift card for $10.
I immediately gave the box to HR. They asked if he’d contacted me outside of work (he hadn’t). They said the gift card was an attempt to influence an active investigation, which is against policy. He was suspended and then let go. I’m very glad HR took it seriously before things escalated.
But... am I wrong for not giving him a chance to talk privately before going to HR?
Mary
Hello, Mary,
Well, this line—"Women take better notes“—could be displayed right next to “You’re too emotional for leadership” and “We’re like a family here” in the Museum of Workplace Misconceptions.
1. The note-taking comment wasn’t harmless—it was a clear bias cue. Your boss didn’t say, “You take good notes.” He said, “Women are best at it.” That’s not a compliment. It’s a category error.
That smirk you mentioned? That’s the behavioral equivalent of someone saying, “I know exactly what I’m doing, and try me.”
2. The gift card wasn’t a peace offering—it was a policy violation. A $10 Starbucks card is many things:
A gesture of apology? A weak attempt at bribery? A liquid asset valued at precisely one latte and a cake pop? But what it is not is an appropriate response during an HR investigation.
In corporate compliance, even small gifts can be considered attempts to influence outcomes. There are entire HR training modules dedicated to this.
3. Giving him a “private conversation” first was never your job. Let’s imagine what a private talk would have looked like:
You: “Your comment was inappropriate.” Him: “Relax.” You: “I won’t take notes on command anymore.” Him: “You women are so sensitive.”
You heard your colleague, your boss spent the morning blaming you. He didn’t consider that he was wrong. Not a single second.
Going directly to HR was the only appropriate step.
So, are you wrong? No. Not even slightly. You handled this like someone who understands not only her rights, but also the psychological pattern of someone trying to test boundaries and save himself when caught.
Bright Side
And Mary isn’t the only one who’s faced this kind of pushback. When Gloria, a senior analyst, was told a leadership role was “too demanding for women,” she filed a report—and a few months later, she was the one sitting in her boss’s chair.
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What men want most in a wife is kindness.
If they get that they have won in life.
Men would rather date the secretary than the boss.
I thought about that. I have no idea. I understand if someone doesn’t like long posts, but...a more polite way would have been just to post “TL/DR” or don’t even comment.
Well. I don’t know her, and everyone is different, that is for sure. Everyone’s idea of humor is very different.
I call BS on this. First off, ‘they’ is not a biologist and unqualified to deter in if zir is a woman. Second, BS that Zir is a project engineer at 27. Bird, BS a project manager would say that.
. I just don’t buy this story one bit.
And vice-versa women in husbands. Very true. In short supply these days, what with social media narcissism and snark.
Yes. You destroyed this man's career.
Happy now?
“We’re like a family here”
What's the problem with that? It's stupid and never true, but...
I hated meetings...so taking notes was like doodling...I would have been happy to do it
First thing, call HR.
Indeed.
“He was suspended and then let go. I’m very glad HR took it seriously before things escalated.”
I know this is fiction, but in a real-world situation, I wonder how long this woman would last after running to HR ?
Notably - and segueing significantly from the core topic - no one in our ‘organization’ takes notes.
Suffice to state that there is significant opening for advancement, as is my trajectory (if they don’t piss me off again).
And most of those people are single men. Women use that excuse regularly to get out of staying late to finish something. I stated late and worked many holidays and weekends because women had ‘family’ issues to deal with and being single and a man, I of course didn’t.
It seems Thanksgiving, Christmas and weekends are only important holidays for women. A few of which, in my case at least, were single, but had to help ‘mom’, so they needed and got those days off while I worked. Kids are a big help too. It seems like only mom can handle sporting events, recital practices or science fair projects. They must be above dad’s pay grade.
“ Better to ask, “how would she know a ‘porn chat’ when she sees one?” LOL”
You know, we need you sticking your nose in this like a hole in the head
He’s telling us the details about a sex relationship in the workplace
That’s how I know
Stop talking to me.
Most modern HR department are run by angry black women with chips on the shoulders and a burning desire to ruin the life of every man, especially older white men they can. The old days of siding with the boss are long gone, unless the boss is a woman and the aggrieved party is a white guy,
“ I thought about that. I have no idea. I understand if someone doesn’t like long posts, but...a more polite way would have been just to post “TL/DR” or don’t even comment.
Well. I don’t know her, and everyone is different, that is for sure. Everyone’s idea of humor is very different.”
You two can you stop talking to me and about me. I asked this guy to stop with the sex story.
Stop.
Everyone should be aware that Agony Aunt stories are all made up and the points don’t matter.
I once served on a jury where the judge furiously wrote down everything that was said on a yellow pad. Once, one of the lawyers asked that a portion of testimony be read. The judge read it back from his notes before the court stenographer.
She has some kind of issue. I certainly won’t talk to her anymore.
Men act like "dogs". Really, that's nothing new.
Our society is different today due to feminism. Government is encouraging all of this so it's easier for them to stay in power. It's easier for them to manipulate women.
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