Posted on 11/27/2025 5:05:58 AM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
HEAVEN — Celestial sources have recently confirmed that people who prefer ham to turkey at Thanksgiving will not enter the kingdom of God.
According to the Almighty, preferring ham on the fourth Thursday of November is a sure sign of reprobation and will lead to a person's eternal damnation if they do not repent.
"It is harder for one who prefers ham to enter the kingdom of Heaven than it is for a man to thread a needle," said Gabriel, a heavenly spokesangel. "Woe unto them who reject the grace of God by choosing the much-inferior ham to the divine goodness of Thanksgiving turkey, for theirs is NOT the kingdom of God."
According to Gabriel, all who do not fulfill the good and perfect law of God — even those who feast themselves on turkey with cranberry sauce — must repent of their sins and trust in Christ.
"Look not for the earthly turkey, served with mashed potatoes and gravy, but expect the heavenly turkey which comes down from above," Gabriel said. "Blessed are those who feed on pumpkin pie with whipped cream at the Thanksgiving feast of the Lamb."
At publishing time, heaven had also confirmed that those who bring green bean casserole to family dinner at Thanksgiving will not enter the kingdom, either.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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So? I am not a jew, so kosher might not mean anything to me.
Neither am I, I’m an agnostic. It still seems odd to celebrate with something he wouldn’t touch.
Swine, only good for parking a legion of demons, and that for only as long as it took for the piggies to suicide!
I like green bean casserole if it has the French fried onions on top. 😉
That’s fair.
And there’s a HBH to supplement the turkey here because the SIL insisted on one.
You can have green bean casserole *without* the French fried onions on top!?
BLASPHEMY!
Many years ago, I worked a job over winter break from college at a meat processing plant in the hog kill. It was two years before I could eat ham again.
No greenbean casserole on this table. Ham is for Christmas, Turkey or tamales or lasagna is for Thanksgiving.
All the more reason to have pork. Having sausage dressing.
Yes, its best if you don’t watch the sausage being made. 😉
The only difference is feral pigs got loose.
(They’re also not “ranch raised”. It’s intensive farming. You really can’t fence in pigs in a ranch. They just dig under.)
But, yes, the destruction they cause is unimaginable. Easily the biggest environmental mistake made in North America.
This article is from the BEE, not to be taken literally
At publishing time, angelic know-it-alls have also confirmed that those who bring a green
bean casserole to family dinner at Thanksgiving will not enter the kingdom of heaven, either.
And if you bring anything made with jello......woe be to you.
I agree, Sirius Lee!
The recipe includes an even richer version of the topping, made with a mixture of the familiar fried onions along with buttered breadcrumbs that all toast-up nicely in the oven.
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