Posted on 11/27/2025 5:05:58 AM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
HEAVEN — Celestial sources have recently confirmed that people who prefer ham to turkey at Thanksgiving will not enter the kingdom of God.
According to the Almighty, preferring ham on the fourth Thursday of November is a sure sign of reprobation and will lead to a person's eternal damnation if they do not repent.
"It is harder for one who prefers ham to enter the kingdom of Heaven than it is for a man to thread a needle," said Gabriel, a heavenly spokesangel. "Woe unto them who reject the grace of God by choosing the much-inferior ham to the divine goodness of Thanksgiving turkey, for theirs is NOT the kingdom of God."
According to Gabriel, all who do not fulfill the good and perfect law of God — even those who feast themselves on turkey with cranberry sauce — must repent of their sins and trust in Christ.
"Look not for the earthly turkey, served with mashed potatoes and gravy, but expect the heavenly turkey which comes down from above," Gabriel said. "Blessed are those who feed on pumpkin pie with whipped cream at the Thanksgiving feast of the Lamb."
At publishing time, heaven had also confirmed that those who bring green bean casserole to family dinner at Thanksgiving will not enter the kingdom, either.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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I might bee the only person left on Earth who still likes green bean casserole.
Statistics show that men who eat ham are less likely to marry 9-year-olds.
Lol!
Don’t be no jive turkey, fool!
We are having ham. We had turkey at Cousinsgiving on Sunday, one smoked and one fried.
You’ve gone too far! Repent!!!
Seems ham-fisted to me.... a swine way of doing things even.
I make good use of the hambone.
Actually, I still kind of like it. I usually don’t say so because you always hear a chorus of yucks.
Since we’ve moved to Tennessee, we’ve been enjoying a new tradition for Thanksgiving: A rack of BBQ spare ribs, coleslaw and cornbread.
I’d rather face the fires of eternal damnation than eat that jello salad slop.
We are having ham. We had turkey
on Sunday, one smoked and one fried.
Well you can just go to hell is the way I heard it.
I’d rather have supreme pizza or some grilled burgers along with coleslaw and fries or maybe onion rings.
Are those discarded cigarette butts amidst the olives and shredded carrots?
I didn’t get a vote. However there are free dinners locally that are available and they include the blessed sacrament (turkey and stuffing).
I didn’t get a vote.
Nevertheless, you were caught on tape eating ham......you are doomed.
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