It spawned a discussion about the relative safety of drivers by age. That led to a sidebar on taking away an older parent’s keys.
Any actual success stories or bad approaches are appreciated.
Would it be too awfully oppressive for a state DMV to require a full blown driving test every year or other year for operators once they reach a certain age?.....say 70?
That would take the pressure off the family to pull the trigger.
Just a thought.
Had to report my father to the DMV due to his dementia. His wife was putting him in the car and telling him where to turn etc. So unsafe. She refused to get her eyes fixed in order to get her license back. It was a tragedy in waiting. I had thoughts of them putting someone in a wheelchair or killing a kid on a bike.
Reporting him was my only option. It cost me the remainder of his life as he hated me after that and his wife kept that hatred stoked. So any relationship was gone. Too stressful on him and too hard on me. I’m told he continued to drive but they had moved to a neighboring state. I guess he drove up until he was finally hospitalized where he spent the final few months of his life.
I live in the south, this is just everyday driving behavior!
"Demographically, young drivers pose the highest risk on the road. Teens ages 16 to 19, accounting for only 3.6% of all licensed U.S. drivers, make up 9.1% of drivers in car crashes and 6.1% of drivers in fatal car crashes. Men are also at increased risk on the road, as they made up over 72% of America's car crash fatalities in 2022."Maybe it's time to take the car keys away from the young.Source: Car accidents statistics 2025 Consumer Affairs, 24 July 2024
16-24 --- 5,623Source: What age group has the most fatal crashes? (2025) AutoInsurance.org, 1 August 2025
25-34 --- 6,548
35-44 --- 5,117
45-54 --- 4,958
55-64 --- 5,347
65-74 --- 3,658
75+ ------ 3,556
Getting my Dad’s license taken away was harder than any other change in his last years. He broke his wrist in a fall at a restaurant and we were given the keys after he went to the hospital. After the rwo weeks that the injury kept him sidelined, we went to the DMV, I think, and not the police. Here in Florida, if the request to remove a license comes from a family member or other person (as opposed to law enforcement or medical professional), a medical appointment needs to be occur, which we he got at the VA. It was apparent to them that he should not be driving so he never got the license back. Between then and when I retired, I took him to his favorite restaurant on the way to work and arranged for someone to bring him home a couple of hours later.
I think there should be red flag laws targeting elderly drivers as there should be for owning firearms. I mean, it’s for the greater good, and for the children. Anyone (except the elite and politicians with a “D” behind their name) turning 65 should automatically have their drivers license revoked. /s/
I posted this on the other thread but, in our experience a doctor came to the rescue
My FIL had dementia and taking away his car keys was so sad. He loved to drive but he became too dangerous. He fought us on it, but his neurologist had a driving simulator test that checked his reaction times, judgment and other things. He told my FIL that he absolutely should not be driving, that several times in the test he had made choices that could have caused an accident or even killed someone.
FIL handed the doc his keys that day. We were so relieved.
But he had a great trust of doctors, and also his financial advisor who advised him to give my hubby financial POA. That was a lifesaver too, as we were able to move lol his banking online and pay his bills when he was unable.
I relinquished mine
DMV says my eyesight is good enough, but don’t want to take the chance of hurting someone
When we have encountered this, our parents voluntarily gave up their keys.
The first was my Dad, who was a very good driver, but one time had a minor accident that was his fault, with one of his granddaughters in the car. She thankfully wasn’t hurt, but he felt terrible. His health was failing at that point, so he must have realized it was time to let others take care of him. He was gone in just another year after that incident.
The next was my FIL, who never much liked driving anyway. He had macular degeneration, so let his wife do most of the driving during his last few years.
Then came my Mom. She could drive fine, but she used landmarks as her guide very often, rather than reading street names. She died in the town where she was born and raised, and then raised her kids. It grew A LOT over 80+ years. At one point she made a wrong turn and couldn’t figure out where she was anymore, because businesses had closed, and new storefronts had taken over. Thankfully, she pulled into a store lot and went inside and was able to call my sister, who spoke to the clerk to figure out where Mom was. She was a little over a mile from home. It scared her enough to get her to give up the keys.
MIL was the hardest, but at 93 gave up her keys. She’d had two fender benders in parking lots (church and grocery store) in 6 months time. Her vision was getting worse and her reaction time was slowing. When we offered to give her an Uber card account that we keep refilled, she realized it was just a phone call away to have someone take her where she wanted to go. Problem solved.
There still is a working car in her garage, but that’s for when her kids or caregivers are there and can drive her where she wants to go. She KNOWS she can’t see well enough to drive at this point. (She’s 97, and still lives in her own home.)
Taking the keys away from an elderly driver is the easy part. How do you take away the keys from all the immigrants who still drive like they are in Lagos, Nigeria?
Here’s an approach that will work for me when the time comes:
Focus on the biggest and earliest sign: loss of night vision and inability to adjust to bright headlights of opposing cars.
These are limitations we older people readily admit to and openly complain about. Sure, we may blame it on the modern headlights being too bright or failure of today’s drivers to lower their high beams.
There is some truth to this - the headlights have gotten brighter, and more and more drivers do lack etiquette regarding leaving their high beams on.
So this is a way of meeting half way on the subject of difficulties of night driving - sharing the blame so to speak - rather than simply saying we’re too old to drive. While you’re at it, you could bring up how insane it is to raise the speed limits so high beyond the 55 we grew up with. I’ll give you an earful. Then we could talk about how Leftists want to confiscate everyone’s guns if it will save just one life - why don’t they use the same logic regarding automobiles?
Look, we know that we old people have more trouble seeing at night and that young people don’t - so this approach opens the door to a conversation about the insanity of driving at night - or the insanity of driving at all - without focusing on the age thing.
Once we’ve acknowledged there is an age factor.. perhaps we can go to the next step…. the fact that we can’t turn our necks, etc.. :-)
And perhaps you should offer us a free Uber account.
I’m only 73 and I’m already leary of driving at night - especially in the winter when it gets dark during rush hour. If I had a free uber account I’d give away my keys in a heartbeat.
Best solutions?
The Family take care of weaning them off driving. I have been through that 6 times.
It is NOT about age. It is about Mental Awareness and Physical Ability. It is also related to where they live.
In large city, it is not even safe for young people. There are places where Jet Fighter Pilot are not safe.
I’m 77 now, traveled on business for 40 years, over 2 million miles by auto. Not a single accident. Driving in DC, Houston, or Chicago? I have no desire to be in places like that. Under any circumstances. Insane drivers, insane traffic, insane hostile drivers, insane unsafe other drivers.
1. Provide a chauffeur.2. Offer to be the chauffeur.
It is a difficult decision and process.
On the one hand is the fact that many independent activities, and keeping them independent, also support mental health in the elderly, as the mind continues to do as needed to navigate them.
On the other hand, what has to be recognized, when it is obvious, is when that independence is no longer working.
Its a hard process just within the elderly persons own family.
My brother has a lady friend in her 70s, and for her family the issue with her driving was none of the things listed. Her driving issues was she would temporarily lose her way, take a wrong turn, and wind up late getting somewhere or getting home because of what it took to get back on a familiar route to her destination.
Jere is what we did...got two people, me, the DIL, and then a step-daughter to write individual letters to DMV about my MIL driving problems. We cited issues (speeding, getting lost in this small community, etc.) She got a letter in the mail requesting she come for a drivers test...or lose her license. She never went for the test...and knew she could not drive.
The oldest Top Fuel driver was Chris Karamesines, who set a record at the age of 86 by qualifying at the 2018 Brainerd International Raceway event, as reported by Fox News. He was a pioneer in NHRA history and raced in the Top Fuel category for an unmatched span, also becoming the fastest driver over 78 years old in 2009.
Can’t judge a book by iy’s cover
The oldest Top Fuel driver was Chris Karamesines, who set a record at the age of 86 by qualifying at the 2018 Brainerd International Raceway event, as reported by Fox News. He was a pioneer in NHRA history and raced in the Top Fuel category for an unmatched span, also becoming the fastest driver over 78 years old in 2009.
Can’t judge a book by it’s cover
I should not be driving. After I was displaced from the Almeda fire, I was forced to drive, live out of my car. I had given up driving and was prepared for it but the fire changed everything. At 77, the on going TBI deficits has made it impossible. But I have no choice if I want to stay alive.
I was so sick and afraid when I bought this place but there was nothing else! Thousands of elderly people were suddenly homeless. I have to drive 20 miles to get a photo copy or food. Nothing is delivered here and there’s no Uber. I had to have a tooth pulled and it cost me $25 for a ride to the dentist and that took me a week to find.
So do I sit here and die without food and medical care or do I endanger others by driving?
I just want to go home!I haven’t seen a familiar face in 5 years.... I can’t believe it has been 5years of this.
I’m so confused and afraid. I will take any suggestions.
70 is too young. Mandatory vision and driving test at 75 and every 2 years after is probably the better way to go.
My parents both quit driving voluntarily around 75.
A friend’s father was the opposite, demented and cantankerous as hell. They had to disable his old truck because he hotwired it after losing his keys. Took his guns cause he started brandishing them. He started riding his ATV around even though it wasn’t street legal. It was a relief when his heart popped off.
Some people age gracefully and others not so much.
Pop kept hitting people. and they didn’t push it because they felt sorry for him. So a relative set up his cop friend to pull Pop over and say anything so long as it was convincing. Yes, it worked.