Posted on 07/12/2025 1:33:31 AM PDT by Lazamataz
This is (possibly, depending on the feedback I get) going to be the first chapter of the sequel for my first novel. This will be in the "Dimensions" universe. Critiques and reviews welcome!
Sprites
Sprites, they called them. Cute name for them, but they were very dangerous.
Martini adjusted his exosuit for an excursion onto the surface of Europa. This was the Jovian moon that had long fascinated Earth’s scientists. Those scientists were intrigued by the possibility of life under the kilometers of ice, in the oceans beneath.
Pedro Martini didn’t care about any of that. He was here to find rare earth deposits in the ice. That’s where the money was, and the corporation that sent him only cared about the money.
Mankind had been given access to teleporters by the Cephians, the extraterrestrial race that was a little under 1700 light years away. The primary use they put it to was to communicate with us, and to allow us access to the Galactic Communication Network that connected over 16,000 distinct sapient races across the Milky Way Galaxy.
These teleporters folded space along the fourth dimension, which allowed instant communications across those vast distances. The power requirement to send matter across folded space was very prohibitive at large distances – anything over a light year or so – but photons are massless. Communication between star systems was possible, but physical travel was not.
Mankind had discovered, however, that true teleportation over shorter distances was not only possible, but had a very low energy requirement. The conquest of the solar system had begun in earnest.
Martini punched the control panel that cycled the airlock with his clumsy gloves. The suit was mostly comfortable, but he hated the gloves. He always felt like he had thick sausage fingers when he was in this damned contraption. There was a sharp hiss as air escaped from the lock, but as the air escaped, the sound quieted quickly. Now all he could hear was his slow breath and the occasional ping sounds of life-support equipment noisily confirming their function.
He stepped onto the surface of the moon. He heard the ice and snow crystals crunch under his feet, vaguely reminding him of the sound he used to hear, as a child, when walking to school during the brutal winters of Upstate New York. Back then, it never failed to surprise him how something made out of water, frozen or not, could sound so dry.
“Clovis Twelve, Expedition Gamma. Beginning survey of Zone 18,” he said into his exosuit microphone.
“Copy that,” crackled the response. “Let me know if you need anything.”
The Clovis Twelve base housed the teleporter portal and the support equipment sent from Earth eighteen months ago. Clovis Twelve was located at one of the two thin-ice locations on Europa. Most of the ice on Europa was kilometers in depth; however, this patch was less than one kilometer thick. It was a good place to drill and look for the valuable rare-earth metals.
He hefted the drill equipment off the side of the exploration vehicle. In the low gravity, it was more a matter of clumsiness than it was the weight. He accidentally banged one of the pieces of equipment against his leg. “Shit!” he exclaimed, alarmed. He listened for the telltale hiss of escaping oxygen, but hearing none, he continued gathering the components of the laser-drill. That was lucky. He needed to be more careful. This would be a miserable place to die.
When humanity set up the first base on Europa, they discovered that Europa fairly teemed with a bizarre menagerie of life forms. Most of them were single-cell organisms, based on biochemistry completely alien to those found on Earth. There were larger life forms in thousands of configurations, too. They mostly congregated around the various hot spots in the oceans, but even away from the heated vents, the waters were full of life. The most deadly were the Sprites. These worm-like creatures, which could reach lengths up to eight meters long, were all teeth and body. If you were to compare them to an Earth-based life form. they were most analogous to Earth’s sharks. They had no eyes, but were able to locate prey by using their acute hearing. They were deadly, and they could burrow through the ice with ease, almost as easily as swimming through water.
Martini finished setting up the laser drill and activated it. It began melting the ice, the water sublimating into a gas that escaped into the vacuum. The laser quickly cut through the surface of the moon, and when water began to spew from the hole, he turned down the drill to a power level that would keep the drill hole from freezing again. He collected a sample of the water and put it into the device that would determine the concentration of rare-Earth metals. The device’s display flashed a set of numbers in green, indicating a large amount was present.
“Clovis Twelve, Expedition Gamma. I can report a score. Heavy concentrations here.”
“Roger that. Mark the location and return to base,” the operator on the other side responded.
He placed a radio beacon near the drill site and began dismantling the drill when movement under the ice caught the corner of his eye. Shit, he hoped it wasn’t a Sprite.
He picked up his pace, hoping to get back into the protection of his exploration vehicle as quickly as possible. He saw two more flashes of fleeting movement. Definitely Sprites. Dammit. He considered abandoning the drill machinery and coming back later to retrieve it. He was about to report the presence of Sprites to his home base, opening the channel, but never had the chance to report. He turned just in time to see the larger of the two Sprites leap out of the ice, the ring of teeth coming up to meet his visor. He managed to utter a single syllable, “Fuu…” before his helmet cracked open.
“Expedition Gamma, Clovis Twelve. Report in, please.”
Static.
“Expedition Gamma, Clovis Twelve. Please check in.”
Static.
Click here: to donate by Credit Card
Or here: to donate by PayPal
Or by mail to: Free Republic, LLC - PO Box 9771 - Fresno, CA 93794
Thank you very much and God bless you.
Ping-la-ping ... :D
Not sure why, but that character’s name of Pedro Martini brought up recognition of Neapolitan Dynamite as he worked his way into dying on the job site.
Pedro For President.
Mankind, humanity, earthling..... For many reviewers and readers the choice of words creates a different image based on what the reader brings from outside this experience.
worm-like... 8 meters long....all teeth and body.
Is it key how readers visualize? Will its body wrap around? or penetrate? or just nibble with its teeth?
Scott Brick is probably the best. Probably unaffordable. Probably oversaturated at this point. I just finished the Hell Divers series and R.C. Bray is really good. It’s sci/fi premise is similar to your genre and would be a good match. But ACX has tons of talent looking to get a start for an affordable price. Let me know if I can help you navigate ACX/Audible.
https://www.audiobooksnow.com/audiobook/hell-divers/1339164/
The first item of trade for the Moon is the ice in the craters on the poles. In perpetual darkness those spots are probably the most valuable real estate in the solar system. Much cheaper than having to haul up water from Earth. Very likely to be an area of considerable tension because of the various powers desires to get there first.
One neat feature of living on the Moon is that the Earth is always in the same place in the sky. Architects would likely build that view in as a permanent feature.
Where do we find your first novel?
You need to put a cover on it like a Harlequin romance with a half-naked chick in the arms of Adonis. It will draw them in like flies to a turd.
Why is there sound on the surface of the moon?
Why does the rover have a microphone?
“This is a hallmark of my writing. Others struggle to get their work edited out to a reasonable length; I struggle to ‘pad’ it out to the minimum number of words to be considered a novel. If brevity is the soul of wit, I’m a freakin’ genius.”
Laz — I enjoyed it. Reminds me of sci-fi novels I read growing up.
The brevity is refreshing in this world of self-important people who won’t shut up. Your fewer words style is perfect from my perspective. Less can be more.
Great just as it is but I sense there is room within your fertile imagination to get even more creative and more weird. I suspect you will. Go the distance.
Great job!
Well written and well paced.
HOU might wish to read up on the Trikaya: Nirmanakaya ( body of form). Sambhogakaya ( biody of energy or the enjoyment body,and the Dharmakaya,the body of unborn, unorignated and unceasing space.. I am sure it would give you some interesting ideas about the subject matter, especially the Sambhogakaya, the body of energy, this energy is what the sprites gods and godesses are made from.The lineage sprites are called Yidams, and these are beneficial to human beings.
You find it here. I hope it enthralls you!
If you like it, you have no idea how much an Amazon review helps!
Thank you for your kind words! These aren’t true sprites, this was just the name given to the worms by the first explorers. Still, worth looking into this mythos...
Hey snork. I’m a professional writer. More technical writing.
To be blunt Laz is better than me with fiction and character development. If he thinks your writing is good, it is good.
And Laz doesn’t hold back if he thinks something is not good.
BTW *I* think your start is good too. I’ve seen dozens of manuscripts. Shot down probably 95% of them. I don’t hold back either.
Fair warning: getting a book to marker is not easy. Takes time and persistence.
Leading with exposition is usually a death-knell for a book. Personally, if the first two paragraphs of a book I am reading are exposition, I might just put the book down. I prefer to lead with character action, or internal and external dialogue.
I wish I could say I chose this style, but I didn't. It chose me.
I liken it to Hemmingway; he tends towards brevity, too.
Great just as it is but I sense there is room within your fertile imagination to get even more creative and more weird. I suspect you will. Go the distance.
Oh, you just wait!
Great job!
Thanks!
Well, this alien is female.
Kinda.
She is rather…bulbous and naughty.
Disregard, I ordered a copy of Dimensions of Essence from Amazon.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.