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Trump's Popularity Skyrockets After He Deports All Cyclists
Babylon Bee ^ | 5/9/2025 | Babylon bee

Posted on 05/10/2025 4:25:57 AM PDT by Cowman

U.S. — Despite controversies surrounding tariffs and the defunding of dozens of large government departments, a new poll showed President Donald Trump's popularity skyrocketed after he announced the deportation of all cyclists.

The president made the historic announcement during an impromptu press briefing in the Oval Office, with even reporters who have normally been his most staunch critics applauding the eradication of all cyclists as a significant step forward for the country.

"This is the dawning of a better, brighter America," Trump told the media. "For far too long, we have suffered the effects of cyclists invading our great streets. Those days are now over. I have ordered the full might of the federal government to be directed toward the deportation of all cyclists. We have no choice. We must rid our country of these people. You ever get stuck behind one of them on the road? It's terrible."

Administration officials confirmed that thousands of cyclists had already been apprehended by law enforcement agencies across the country, with millions more expected to follow. "This is a president who keeps his promises," said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. "When he campaigned on making America great again, he was serious. Washing our cities clean of the plague of cyclists is a big part of that pledge."

At publishing time, minor controversy had arisen over the White House's official social media account posting a video of dozens of cyclists being forced to ride up the loading ramp of a C1-30 military aircraft bound for El Salvador.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; bicycle; deport; freeourstreets; satire

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It's about time!
1 posted on 05/10/2025 4:25:57 AM PDT by Cowman
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To: Cowman

BB got me on that one. Got me good.


2 posted on 05/10/2025 4:28:31 AM PDT by duckman ( Not tired of winning!)
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To: Cowman

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!


3 posted on 05/10/2025 4:30:01 AM PDT by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin (Freedom is the freedom to discipline yourself so others don't have to do it for you.)
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To: Cowman

100% tariff on spandex. Now!


4 posted on 05/10/2025 4:30:52 AM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: Cowman

Bicycle extremists are a plague.


5 posted on 05/10/2025 4:33:28 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: Cowman

Another story of fat people dreams.


6 posted on 05/10/2025 4:35:23 AM PDT by glorgau
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To: Cowman
Just make it "open-season" on any cyclist who blows through an intersection without stopping at the sign or traffic-light. If you are otherwise operating your vehicle in a safe and proper manner, any cyclist struck traversing a marked intersection without obeying the traffic laws is considered "a self-inflicted injury or death" and the vehicle operator automatically receives a "get out of jail free" card ...

The problem will eventually resolve itself over time ...

7 posted on 05/10/2025 4:38:50 AM PDT by BlueLancer (Orchides Forum Trahite - Cordes Et Mentes Veniant)
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To: Cowman

Contrary to what we sometimes think, about 99% of all people are basically decent. Of course that drops to about 95% when dealing with just cyclists.


8 posted on 05/10/2025 4:41:15 AM PDT by Engraved-on-His-hands
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To: Cowman

Not a bad idea. We live on a rural road that is on maps for cyclists. On days with decent weather there can be dozens of cyclists on many of the roads here. Most of them abide by the single file rule, but some are just assholes. The roads are barely wide enough for 2 cars and idiots ride their bikes 2 or more abreast. Beep the horn once or twice to let them know you’re coming, and they flip you the bird. Not much you can do other than run them off the road, but a friend had an excellent idea, he had a beater car with the old windshield wiper nozzles mounted on the hood that you could bend. He bent the one on the passenger side and would spray obnoxious cyclists that gave him a hard time. They would come to a sudden stop and the ones behind would crash into them.


9 posted on 05/10/2025 4:41:18 AM PDT by Omnivore-Dan ( )
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To: FreedomPoster

I have believed for a long time that if bicycles are going to be used on public roads they should be subject to the same laws and regulations as powered vehicles including inspection and insurance requirements.... And we will have to bring back the tailpipe sniffer so they can get their emission inspection.


10 posted on 05/10/2025 4:43:57 AM PDT by Cowman
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To: glorgau
Another story of fat people dreams.

I'm not fat at all. Avid Mt. Biker and some Road (solo) never with a gaggle of buttsniffer gear queers taking up the entire lane.

A bigger bunch of entitled, lycra clad twatwaffles you'll never meet. Move the f--- over. Single line.

11 posted on 05/10/2025 4:47:43 AM PDT by Sirius Lee ("Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”)
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To: Cowman

12 posted on 05/10/2025 4:53:37 AM PDT by Bonemaker (invictus maneo)
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To: Cowman

Next up can we go after packaging engineers or whoever makes everything very difficult to open and unpack?


13 posted on 05/10/2025 5:01:38 AM PDT by Fair Paul
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To: Fair Paul

Part of the reason I typically have a Spyderco Delica half-serrated knife clipped to my strong side front pants pocket. That and Amazon Prime.


14 posted on 05/10/2025 5:10:05 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: Fair Paul

No,vegan cafe’s are next. Then, people who allow their kids to run wild in stores. Bad packaging engineers are fourth on the list


15 posted on 05/10/2025 5:11:30 AM PDT by Cowman
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To: Cowman

Hitting a moving target can be a challenge.


16 posted on 05/10/2025 5:15:24 AM PDT by ComputerGuy
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To: Fair Paul
Next up can we go after packaging engineers or whoever makes everything very difficult to open and unpack?

There is a funny scene in "Curb Your Enthusiasm" where Larry is desperately trying to open a box cutter type knife from its packaging ... which he bought specifically to open difficult packaging.

17 posted on 05/10/2025 5:26:24 AM PDT by Lizavetta
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To: Bonemaker

lol, too damn funny...


18 posted on 05/10/2025 5:56:48 AM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. )
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To: Cowman

First they came for the cyclists, but i didn’t say anything because I am not a cyclist. /s


19 posted on 05/10/2025 6:00:05 AM PDT by Kudsman (Hey Democrat, leave them kids alone!)
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To: Cowman

Finally!


20 posted on 05/10/2025 6:06:17 AM PDT by HIDEK6 (God bless Donald Trump)
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