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Bill Belichick's Girlfriend Leaves Him For Lou Holtz
The Bee ^ | May 3, 2025 | The Bee

Posted on 05/05/2025 8:54:09 AM PDT by dayglored

CHAPEL HILL, NC โ€” Sources close to Jordon Hudson confirmed today that the 24-year-old has officially dumped Bill Belichick for Lou Holtz.

Rumors had surfaced over the past few weeks that Hudson's relationship with 73-year-old Belichick was on the rocks. Days later, Hudson was spotted with 88-year-old Lou Holtz.

"I needed someone more mature," explained Hudson, as details of the split became public. "Bill still had a lot of growing up to do. I'm ready for someone who is ready to settle down and who knows that they want out of life. Lou knows what he wants. It's a motorized scooter and applesauce."

At publishing time, Hudson had reportedly left Holtz for the corpse of John Madden.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; billbelichick; jordonhudson; satire

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Guys, it's never too late!
1 posted on 05/05/2025 8:54:09 AM PDT by dayglored
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To: dayglored

Spit out my coffee!....................


2 posted on 05/05/2025 8:55:02 AM PDT by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegals are put up in 5 Star hotels....................)
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To: dayglored

I nearly fell for it.
LOL


3 posted on 05/05/2025 8:55:37 AM PDT by Zathras
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To: dayglored

I wonder if Belichick will outlast Mike Price’s tenure at Bama?


4 posted on 05/05/2025 8:56:24 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: dfwgator

I wonder if Belichick will outlast Mike Priceโ€™s tenure at Bama?

><

Who knows, but he might die a happy man.


5 posted on 05/05/2025 8:58:47 AM PDT by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: dayglored

Bee totally got me as I did a classic double-take on that headline.


6 posted on 05/05/2025 8:58:51 AM PDT by BBQToadRibs2
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To: laplata

“It’s rollin’, baby, it’s rollin’”


7 posted on 05/05/2025 9:00:42 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: dayglored

This violates the half your age plus seven rule!


8 posted on 05/05/2025 9:03:21 AM PDT by 38special (I should've said something earlier )
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To: dayglored

She could have gone to Jo Briben but he wouldn’t know it.


9 posted on 05/05/2025 9:04:56 AM PDT by EandH Dad (sleeping giants wake up REALLY grumpy)
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To: dayglored

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚


10 posted on 05/05/2025 9:05:09 AM PDT by rktman (Destroy America from within? Check! WTH? Enlisted USN 1967 to end up with this๐Ÿ’ฉ? ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ’‰! ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‘!)
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To: dayglored

Lou Holtz famously advised, “Don’t tell your problems to people. Eighty percent don’t care, and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.”


11 posted on 05/05/2025 9:06:29 AM PDT by RckyRaCoCo (Time to throw them out of the Temple...again)
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To: RckyRaCoCo

He sure got that one right.


12 posted on 05/05/2025 9:09:00 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: dayglored

This is really heart warming, feel good stuff.

I wish them both great happiness together.


13 posted on 05/05/2025 9:09:26 AM PDT by rdcbn1 (TV )
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To: dayglored
Got to feel somewhat sorry for Belichick being taken; she is a pretty little thing.

But much of my sympathy for the aging coach is diminished thinking about how - in his prime - he participated in blackballing Tim Tebow.

Can't prove it beyond a legal doubt but it is pretty clear Belichick was pressured to get rid of the out-spoken trouble-maker who was out of step with the thug-leaning NFL.

At the time many diputed the NFL was woke; you don't hear that very often now.

14 posted on 05/05/2025 9:09:50 AM PDT by jeffersondem
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To: dfwgator

Lol


15 posted on 05/05/2025 9:10:23 AM PDT by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: dfwgator

Yep, though I think it’s more like 70/30 now.


16 posted on 05/05/2025 9:11:43 AM PDT by RckyRaCoCo (Time to throw them out of the Temple...again)
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To: dayglored

She most likely has a young guy on the side. She is in love with this foul mouth old goat for his money.๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ


17 posted on 05/05/2025 9:13:44 AM PDT by dforest
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To: dayglored

Gotta love the Bee!

Age is just a number, like a man’s income. Women understand those numbers, especially when they have a lot zeros behind them...


18 posted on 05/05/2025 9:13:50 AM PDT by Dr. Franklin ("A republic, if you can keep it." )
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To: laplata

As long as she is part of the new deflate-gate for him he will be happy.


19 posted on 05/05/2025 9:22:25 AM PDT by Resolute Conservative
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To: dayglored

Every guy on this thread is thinking, โ€œSo youโ€™re telling me thereโ€™s a chance?โ€


20 posted on 05/05/2025 9:30:33 AM PDT by FamiliarFace (I got my own way of livin' But everything gets done With a southern accent Where I come from. TPetty)
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