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Reminder: American Women Have Until January 20th To Find A Man To Get Them Pregnant Or One Will Be Selected For Them
BabylonBee.com ^ | 1-6-2025 | Bee Staff

Posted on 01/07/2025 12:59:30 PM PST by servo1969

ATTENTION: American women have until noon on the 20th of January, in the Year of our Lord 2025, to find a man to get them pregnant or one will be selected for them.

At precisely noon, Trump will be inaugurated as the 47th president of the United States. As his first act, he will sign an executive order requiring all women to produce children for the glory of the American theocracy. Any woman without a man will be assigned one through the Supervised Triage of Unique Dads (STUD). Women caught actively not getting pregnant will be sent to the Gestational Camps in Guantanamo Bay.

A period of one year is allowed between pregnancies while the mother recuperates from her holy work.

Women who are advanced in years and no longer capable of birthing children will be assigned to a family as a helper for the purpose of helping young mothers. Any woman refusing to help raise children in any fashion will be sent to the Detroit Salt Mines.

Men who either refuse to have children or are advanced in age (65 or older) will be called "totally gay."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylon; babylonbee
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1 posted on 01/07/2025 12:59:30 PM PST by servo1969
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To: servo1969

There’s gonna be a national run on beer-goggles

I hope manufacturers are ready.


2 posted on 01/07/2025 1:02:33 PM PST by PGR88
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To: servo1969

And all the old people will be forced to eat dog and cat food. They must purchase their own can openers through the Republican National Committee.


3 posted on 01/07/2025 1:04:45 PM PST by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possiWe neve hear of gambling paying off $billioble.)
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To: servo1969

Chuckle, chuckle.


4 posted on 01/07/2025 1:05:21 PM PST by HIDEK6 (God bless Donald Trump)
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To: PGR88

“ There’s gonna be a national run on beer-goggles”
That’s great! LMAO!


5 posted on 01/07/2025 1:09:58 PM PST by MCF (If my home can't be my Castle, then it will be my Alamo)
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To: servo1969

Lol! I think a small segment of the population, both men and women, would be fine having some government panel chose a spouse for them. Yentas used to do that for a fee, early 20th Century.


6 posted on 01/07/2025 1:11:06 PM PST by lee martell
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To: servo1969

Another odd one from the Bee. A few of theirs are off the mark.


7 posted on 01/07/2025 1:11:40 PM PST by DesertRhino (2016 Star Wars, 2020 The Empire Strikes Back, 2024... RETURN OF THE JEDI..)
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To: servo1969; Lazamataz

(or one will be selected for them)

Well, Laz.....


8 posted on 01/07/2025 1:15:34 PM PST by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the Days of Lot; They did Eat, They Drank, They Bought, They Sold ......)
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To: servo1969

Watch the left fact check this.


9 posted on 01/07/2025 1:28:53 PM PST by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus)
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To: servo1969

Gay? Say Hey! I’m 75, No Way!


10 posted on 01/07/2025 1:46:00 PM PST by Hebrews 11:6 (“The King of Kings salvation brings—let loving hearts enthrone Him.”)
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To: servo1969

🤣


11 posted on 01/07/2025 1:49:26 PM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: servo1969

Funny, and very creative.


12 posted on 01/07/2025 1:50:57 PM PST by SharpRightTurn (“Giving money & power to government is like giving whiskey & car keys to teenage boys” P.J. O’Rourke)
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To: servo1969; Chode; sport; Steely Tom; No name given
My "Aunt" uniform arrived the other day. I'm ready.
from Imgflip Meme Generator

13 posted on 01/07/2025 2:18:18 PM PST by Morgana ( “Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women.” — Alice Paul )
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To: servo1969
Men who either refuse to have children or are advanced in age (65 or older) will be called "totally gay."

Does that mean I'll get to wear one of those snazzy Handmaid uniforms? I'm told the extra large ones are out of stock...

14 posted on 01/07/2025 2:23:56 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: servo1969

There are people (a few), whom probably believe this !


15 posted on 01/07/2025 2:25:31 PM PST by HereInTheHeartland (Have you seen Joe Biden's picture on a milk carton?)
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To: servo1969

As long as the women are good looking, I’m ready to do my duty for my country.


16 posted on 01/07/2025 2:31:03 PM PST by EvilCapitalist (Pets are no substitute for children)
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To: servo1969

17 posted on 01/07/2025 2:31:08 PM PST by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: servo1969

18 posted on 01/07/2025 2:31:58 PM PST by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: servo1969

19 posted on 01/07/2025 2:34:27 PM PST by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: metmom

They’ll go crazy as usual.


20 posted on 01/07/2025 2:38:22 PM PST by No name given ( Anonymous is who you’ll know me as)
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