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LifeAlert Buttons To Be Installed At Every Congressional Seat
The Bee ^ | December 16, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 12/16/2024 11:52:28 AM PST by Navy Patriot

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the fallout of Senator Mitch McConnell's fall and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi's hospitalization in Luxembourg, the United States Congress passed a bipartisan bill requiring LifeAlert buttons to be installed at every congressional seat.

According to representatives who proposed the bill, the new measure is a "helpful precaution" for the sake of the 80% of Congress who are nearing the age of 100.

"It's been a long time coming," said Representative Marco Rubio. "We've been neglecting the elderly in this country for far too long — no more so than here in Congress. But this new measure ought to add some level of security for those of our members who suffer some form of a medical emergency on a near-daily basis. It was either this or we move all legislative sessions to the Shady Acres Nursing Home just outside of town."

Other members of Congress were relieved by the news. "It's nice to know help is only the push of a button away," said Senator Chuck Grassley, 91. "The next time one of us suddenly falls to the floor or goes catatonic in the middle of a sentence, we can get paramedics here quickly. It makes sense to provide such an accommodation to the room filled with some of the most powerful decision-makers in the world."

Other proposed improvements for Congress include a parking lot for all of the congressional motorized scooters and complimentary temporary dentures in case a legislator leaves theirs at home.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Education; History
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; sacramentobee; whatbee; whichbee
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Also on the Congressional agenda is a Rule Allowing Senators and Representatives to vote by passing gas.
1 posted on 12/16/2024 11:52:28 AM PST by Navy Patriot
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To: Navy Patriot

The Bee is very funny!


2 posted on 12/16/2024 11:55:49 AM PST by Tell It Right (1 Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: Navy Patriot

That will probably cost a million bucks.

If they want a button, they should pay, out of their own pocket, for one that hangs around their neck.


3 posted on 12/16/2024 11:56:53 AM PST by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: Navy Patriot

Suicide Pods to be installed later in Congressional offices..............


4 posted on 12/16/2024 11:57:20 AM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegals are put up in 5 Star hotels....................)
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To: All

Woops, I believed it and fell for it because it sounded true.

Disregard my post. Lol


5 posted on 12/16/2024 11:58:34 AM PST by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: laplata
Disregard my post. Lol

Why? ... It was perfectly reasonable and responsible.

6 posted on 12/16/2024 12:01:14 PM PST by Navy Patriot (I Voted For President Trump, Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: Navy Patriot

LOL


7 posted on 12/16/2024 12:02:51 PM PST by PGalt (Past Peak Civilization?)
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To: Navy Patriot

good one


8 posted on 12/16/2024 12:03:46 PM PST by linMcHlp
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To: Navy Patriot

Imagine the addiction of that kind of power to keep working so long to control every aspect of other peoples’ lives. Horrible horrible people.


9 posted on 12/16/2024 12:04:44 PM PST by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes)
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To: Navy Patriot
Are they going to invest in LifeAlert Plus which has motion detection circuitry to detect when the Senator just free

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

zes in the middle of a sentence and needs to be restarted?

10 posted on 12/16/2024 12:13:07 PM PST by KarlInOhio (Now unburdened by the Biden/Harris administration that has been.)
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To: Organic Panic

Thank you for that very thoughtful and informed comment.


11 posted on 12/16/2024 12:15:56 PM PST by Navy Patriot (I Voted For President Trump, Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: KarlInOhio
Well played, Karl!

How did you get the large blank area in your comment?

12 posted on 12/16/2024 12:17:47 PM PST by Navy Patriot (I Voted For President Trump, Celebrate Recivilization!)
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To: Tell It Right

Babylon Bee or Congressional press release?

Believable either way!

Don’t understand the desire to die in office. Go home. Spend some time with your grandchildren and great grandchildren. Do some gardening….


13 posted on 12/16/2024 12:29:02 PM PST by sjmjax
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To: Navy Patriot

Term limits would solve the problem of the aged in Congress.


14 posted on 12/16/2024 12:30:01 PM PST by Rappini ("No man is entitled to the blessings of freedom unless he be vigilant in it's preservation" MacArthr)
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To: KarlInOhio

ISWYDT - That’s too funny (& clever).


15 posted on 12/16/2024 12:36:04 PM PST by jackibutterfly ( )
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To: Navy Patriot
"How did you get the large blank area in your comment?"

Hit the Enter(Return) button on the keyboard several times.

16 posted on 12/16/2024 12:39:20 PM PST by jackibutterfly ( )
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To: Navy Patriot

A billion or two spent on this is not too much to ensure we can still be lead by dementia riddled blind people.


17 posted on 12/16/2024 12:43:58 PM PST by MtnClimber (For photos of scenery, wildlife and climbing, click on my screen name for my FR home page.)
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To: Navy Patriot

The Bee has got a good one here.

What with the way these politicians are aging out, they’re needed.


18 posted on 12/16/2024 12:49:36 PM PST by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus)
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To: Navy Patriot

Even if this were true, I don’t think many of the senators and representatives have enough common sense and intelligence to work the buttons.


19 posted on 12/16/2024 12:51:36 PM PST by falcon99 ( )
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To: Navy Patriot

Matthew Miller state department spokesperson

Most Happy to not see him again. Time is moving too slow towards Jan 2025.


20 posted on 12/16/2024 1:11:08 PM PST by TornadoAlley3 ( I'm Proud To Be An Okie From Muskogee)
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