Posted on 12/16/2024 11:52:28 AM PST by Navy Patriot
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the fallout of Senator Mitch McConnell's fall and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi's hospitalization in Luxembourg, the United States Congress passed a bipartisan bill requiring LifeAlert buttons to be installed at every congressional seat.
According to representatives who proposed the bill, the new measure is a "helpful precaution" for the sake of the 80% of Congress who are nearing the age of 100.
"It's been a long time coming," said Representative Marco Rubio. "We've been neglecting the elderly in this country for far too long — no more so than here in Congress. But this new measure ought to add some level of security for those of our members who suffer some form of a medical emergency on a near-daily basis. It was either this or we move all legislative sessions to the Shady Acres Nursing Home just outside of town."
Other members of Congress were relieved by the news. "It's nice to know help is only the push of a button away," said Senator Chuck Grassley, 91. "The next time one of us suddenly falls to the floor or goes catatonic in the middle of a sentence, we can get paramedics here quickly. It makes sense to provide such an accommodation to the room filled with some of the most powerful decision-makers in the world."
Other proposed improvements for Congress include a parking lot for all of the congressional motorized scooters and complimentary temporary dentures in case a legislator leaves theirs at home.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
The Bee is very funny!
That will probably cost a million bucks.
If they want a button, they should pay, out of their own pocket, for one that hangs around their neck.
Suicide Pods to be installed later in Congressional offices..............
Woops, I believed it and fell for it because it sounded true.
Disregard my post. Lol
Why? ... It was perfectly reasonable and responsible.
LOL
good one
Imagine the addiction of that kind of power to keep working so long to control every aspect of other peoples’ lives. Horrible horrible people.
zes in the middle of a sentence and needs to be restarted?
Thank you for that very thoughtful and informed comment.
How did you get the large blank area in your comment?
Babylon Bee or Congressional press release?
Believable either way!
Don’t understand the desire to die in office. Go home. Spend some time with your grandchildren and great grandchildren. Do some gardening….
Term limits would solve the problem of the aged in Congress.
ISWYDT - That’s too funny (& clever).
Hit the Enter(Return) button on the keyboard several times.
A billion or two spent on this is not too much to ensure we can still be lead by dementia riddled blind people.
The Bee has got a good one here.
What with the way these politicians are aging out, they’re needed.
Even if this were true, I don’t think many of the senators and representatives have enough common sense and intelligence to work the buttons.
Matthew Miller state department spokesperson
Most Happy to not see him again. Time is moving too slow towards Jan 2025.
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