Posted on 11/29/2024 5:11:45 PM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
CHICAGO, IL — Consumers across America were shocked and elated to land huge deals after finding out Dyson vacuums would be briefly on sale for the low, low price of just $7000 this Black Friday.
According to several surprised early Christmas shoppers, the price of the high-end vacuum had been slashed to just $6,999.99 from its normal price of just under $10,000.00. Consumers said Dyson vacuums hadn't even been this cheap before, leading them to jump on the deal.
"Oh my goodness, just $7000? For a Dyson?" asked Melinda Jones, a Cincinnati resident, upon finding out about the sale. "Jeff, cancel that mortgage payment — we might finally be able to afford a Dyson vacuum after all! Hallelujah... you've got to love Black Friday."
The absurdly low price of the Dyson cleaner quickly led to it being sold out at Target, Walmart, and Amazon.
"I just missed it," said disappointed housewife Jenna Briggs. "I knew I should have gotten up at 4:00 this morning instead of 5:30. I can't believe this. Stupid, stupid, stupid — now I'll have to buy it at the usual price of $9,999.99 instead and tell little Madison that we can't afford her insulin for the next few months."
Sources at Dyson said next year's Black Friday deal may allow consumers to pick up a vacuum for the discounted price of just one of their kidneys.
At publishing time, female shoppers around the country had been elated to find a two-pack Owala water bottle set on sale for just $450.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
It will happened some time.
If Dems are in charge, pretty soon.
Oh, I don’t know, they really suck.
Just slightly more than a new Kirby vac.
In other news, I called a vacuum place and said I needed a new dust filter for my Hoover MaxExtract PressurePro model 60. Next thing I knew, I had a new name and a new job in a new location. (Breaking Bad reference).
It was way beyond our weight allowance so it had to stay there but all you had to do to it was occasionally change the belt and empty the bag.
Robert Forster was great as the vacuum repairman.
Yep!
I talk to my robot vacuum. It makes cute noises and usually does a great job. When it does a great job and gets back to its charging station I can’t help but tell it “great job”.
This is hilarious. But BB is right. For something that is used so seldom, people spend way too much on vacuum cleaners. People brag and let everyone know when they purchase a Dyson.
I know Dysons are good, but any reasonably priced vacuum cleaner from Lowe’s or Walmart will do most small and mid-sized homes and you don’t have to spend a ton of money.
My favorite vacuum cleaner story is from years ago. I had a co-worker that was as sweet as could be but she had a house full of boys and keeping the place clean was one of her challenges given her and her husband’s work schedules.
One day someone broke into her house and stole multiple items. She went through the house and made a list of stolen items to submit to the insurance company.
Three weeks later she came into my office one morning laughing so hard she could barely speak. She said, “I have to call the insurance company again”. I went to vacuum last night and just noticed, the thieves also stole my vacuum cleaner. The adjuster is going to know that I seldom vacuum my house!”. We laughed for a solid 15 minutes.
This might be satire, but it’s not far off.
Myself and others have found that Amazon inflated the retail price of many items and then discounted them 25 even 50 percent.
Big whoop.
They are no better bargains than any other time.
Yes, but what will make your neighbor jealous?
We got rid of all of the carpet in our house and replaced it with plank flooring. This stuff is amazing! All we have to do is sweep it and damp mop to keep it super clean.
Items we purchased in late September, early October for Christmas gifts are either more expensive now or out of stock.
“Oh how I miss my Kirby. It was from the sixties and weighed a ton but you never had to run it over a spot more then once.
It was way beyond our weight allowance so it had to stay there but all you had to do to it was occasionally change the belt and empty the bag.”
My mom bought me a refurbished Kirby vacuum cleaner for Christmas one year when I was in college. My sister told me that it was a hint.
One of these.
With No Payments.
You would be able to hear the gnashing of teeth in Canada.
We have a Kirby - inherited from mom-in-law. It was never good at picking up pet hair, though, so we bought a cordless Shark Pet-Pro. It outperforms the Kirby every time. We can vacuum a room with the Kirby, then again with the Shark, and we get a full container of gunk.
It’s pronounced> Die Soon
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