The Bee Investigates: A Line-Item Breakdown Of How The Kamala Campaign Spent $1 Billion

The Babylon Bee ^ | November 9 2024 | The Babylon Bee

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With the news that Kamala Harris's campaign somehow ended up $20 million in debt after raising over $1 billion in donations, critics have started to wonder: how on earth did her campaign spend that billion dollars? Our crack investigative team at the Bee has gone to work and can now share a line-by-line breakdown of where all that money went:

$70 million for accent coaches: In retrospect, probably shouldn't have used Foghorn Leghorn.

$500,000 for Lizzo's catering: That's a lot of hoagies.

$70 million for surgery to re-attach Tim Walz's arms every time they flew off: Not bad, honestly.

$10 million for NFL coaches to try to teach Walz how to talk about football: Must have been the Jets' coach.

$900,000 for Harry Sisson's puberty blockers: Harry goes off those, even that dude might wind up Republican.

$0 for valor for Tim Walz: Stolen!

$200 million trying to build that shrinking gun from Honey, I Shrunk The Kids so Kamala seems taller: Looking back, platform shoes may have been a wiser investment.

$37.50 for speechwriter: Yeah, this checks out.

$19 million for filming that gross commercial where an old Republican man tells some kid he can't watch porn: We don't want to talk about it.

$ 5 million for Gen Z graphic designers to write "Kamala HQ" in Arial font on a green background: For Gen Z, this was a steal.

$5 million for Doritos: Those gas station chips are pricey.

$500 for coloring books to keep Joe Biden busy: Honestly, really should have set aside more for this.

$600 million on wine: That's on boxed wine, people. Boxed!

$30 million for the rights for Tim Walz to sing "Single Ladies" at rallies: Totally worth it.

$500,000 on punching bags for Doug Emhoff: Ouch.

Well, it all adds up. Money well spent.

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Money spent.....not necessarily well I'd say

[FlingWingFlyer]

Can’t wait to read this one. LOL!

[ClearCase_guy]

Good call on the boxed wine. Otherwise the cost would have been unreasonable.

[butlerweave]

$10 on an Air Pump to keep her head full

[Wuli]

Kamala was never very smnart. She got played for $900 million plus by the Dims own industry of political campaign promoters and their vendors and clients. They got rich and Kamala got zip, but what did she care it was her donors’ money not hers anyway.

[TexasFreeper2009]

100 million to get beyonce to come to Houston rally, but they forgot to get her to promise to perform and instead she just came and said she supports Kamala and left

LMAO

[jdt1138]

$1 Million on the motorcade and security for Tim’s “hunting trip.”

[EvilCapitalist]

I’ve got a bottle of Trump Wine set aside for Inauguration day, and that only cost $35.00.

[Allegra]

Cool - where did you buy it? I think I’d like to get a bottle to share with a friend for Inauguration Day.

[EvilCapitalist]

I bought it at the Winery. I was on vacation last week in Virginia(I still voted in PA on election day), and stopped in Charlottesville on the way home. You can buy it on the website, and have it delivered.

[Allegra]

It must be fun working for the Bee.

I always thought that about Weekly World News as well.

[Allegra]

Nice! The Charlottesville area is gorgeous in the fall.

Thank you for voting in PA. We needed all of you. 😃

I’ll order a bottle to be delivered. And I’ll resist the temptation to order a bottle each for two of my leftist friends. Because that wouldn’t be very nice.

[EvilCapitalist]

I was actually vacationing in Colonial Williamsburg, and normally I take route 15 north to get back to Pennsylvania, and when I saw the Trump Winery was 27 miles past that, I decided to make a pit stop.

[vaskypilot]

Wine shops in Virginia sell Trump wine as well as other Virginia wines. I bought Trump wine to some family Christmas gatherings. My liberal relatives were not happy, but could not say much.

We already drank a bottle last week. We have more for the Inauguration.

[xp38]

Reminds me of a special bottle I had once. In the early 1990s I bought a bottle of Chateau Mouton Rothschild 1989. Not cheap as it was around $130 IIRC. Each year this wine commissions an artist to design the label often with sheep in them although not always. If you look at this one the sheep have been flipped over symbolizing the fall of the Berlin Wall that year. When Ronald Reagan passed away in 2004 I opened it for his funeral and toasted the great man as I watched it on tv. It was fitting since he was largely responsible for the event that label commemorates. Oh and it was very good vino btw and I still have the empty bottle as a keepsake.

[Reddy]

That was a great story. Thanks for sharing.

[Allegra]

I saw the Trump Winery was 27 miles past that, I decided to make a pit stop.

Good choice!

Was that your first time to Colonial Williamsburg? I haven’t been since I was a teenager, but I loved it there.

I just ordered a bottle of rosè and one of chardonnay reserve - both very reasonably priced. :D

[EvilCapitalist]

No, it was my fifth time there, but I enjoy going. I also managed to get to Berkeley Plantation.

[Allegra]

Oh, that is so cool. And a beautiful label on the bottle.

I love that you opened it for President Reagan’s funeral. I just watched the Reagan movie Saturday and the screen got a little blurry when he said “Tear down this wall!”

Thank you for that memory.

[EvilCapitalist]

The Rose is what I have set aside for inauguration day.