Posted on 08/09/2024 9:17:31 AM PDT by RoosterRedux
Walz's military record speaks for itself. Here are just a few of his harrowing tales of valor:
1. "So there I was in France, out-gunned and near death. My Thompson submachine gun had just run out of ammo and I knew I was about to die, so I accepted my fate and just started shooting at an approaching tank with a pistol, but then the Army Air Corps bombed the tank just in time. Then, I held Private Ryan close and said: ‘Earn this.'"
2. "In another battle, my helicopter was shot down over a war zone in some place overseas with a lot of brown people. I looked at my squad mates square in the face and said, ‘Well, boys, looks like we got a Black Hawk down.' Everyone said ‘Hooah! Rangers lead the way!' And then we killed all the bad guys."
3. "U.S. politicians were being held hostage in Guatemala, so I went down there with a ragtag group of mercenaries to rescue them. But just as we were ready to head home, an alien with cloaking technology attacked, and it made clicking sounds, and one guy told me I was bleeding. I said, ‘I ain't got time to bleed.' Everyone clapped."
...
5. "In Pennsylvania, we fought uphill even though General Lee explicitly told us not to. "Never fight uphill, me boys!" Lee said. But I turned around, defiant, and said, ‘The enemy's gate is down.' Everyone cheered."
6. "In my youth, I once attacked a bug planet and was the only Starship Trooper who survived, and we soldiers took naked showers together, and also I had super mind powers."
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
What I want to know is the answer to this. Supposedly during his trial for a (.128 BAC failed FST, etc.) DUI his lawyer claimed his ‘balance was off because he is deaf’ and that’s why he failed the field sobriety tests. Is he STILL deaf? If so, how did he get into the Army National Guard?
Good ‘un.
then there was the time, working as a CIA consultant, he managed to help a rogue Russian captain and his awesome toupee turn over a top-secret submarine.
Next up: “The Hunt for Red November”.
“There we were, me and Jim Bowie at the Alamo...’’’
There I was at Pasquindale, with General Gordon in the Trenches, awaiting the next attack of the Mahdi!
You’re a lying dog face pony soldier!
I was thinking something like a National Guardsman would actually do (sorry I never served) — maybe “I captured two unarmed trespassers.”
Walz has long-billed himself as a retired Command Sergeant Major —
when in reality he was demoted to the lower rank of master sergeant.
Call Congress
(202) 224-3121
U.S. House switchboard operator.
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