9 Classic Star Wars Scenes Disney Is Editing To Add Pronouns

Babylon Bee ^ | Jun 19, 2024 | Babylon Bee

[dayglored]

Brace yourselves, Star Wars fans! Your favorite franchise is going through yet another round of revisions to create new editions, but not in the way you may have expected. As part of its ongoing quest to turn Star Wars into a shining example of diversity and inclusion, Disney is going through all the films to insert important pronoun references.

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of a few of the classic Star Wars scenes Disney is changing to add pronouns:

1. "I'm Luke Skywalker, he/him, I'm here to rescue you!" — Rescue or not, there's always time for preferred pronouns.

2. "I... I killed them. I killed them all. And not just the men, he/him... but the women, she/her... and the children, they/them, too." — So much better with proper pronoun etiquette.

3. "You will go to the Dagobah system. There you will learn from Yoda, xe/xim, the Jedi Master who instructed me." — Like his species, Yoda's pronouns remain of mysterious origin.

4. "No... I am your father, he/him!" — It may seem self-explanatory on the surface, but you never know these days.

5. "Meesa called Jar Jar Binks, they/them, meesa your humble servants!" — This explains a lot.

6. "Do they/them have a code clearance? It's an older pronoun, sir, but it checks out." — Even the Dark Lord of the Sith draws the line at misgendering.

7. "Somehow... Palpatine, he/him, has returned." — Lazy writing can be improved by the helpful inclusion of pronouns.

8. "You can't win, Darth. If you misgender me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." — We've all seen the consequences of daring to misgender anyone.

9. "May the Force, she/her, be with you." — You knew it was coming. The ultimate example of female empowerment.

And you all thought there wasn't any way to make Star Wars even better. Shame on you!

[dayglored]

It's the BEE !!

[dayglored]

"May the Force, she/her, be with you." — You knew it was coming.

Unfortunately, yes we did.

[BBQToadRibs2]

Only three Star Wars movies exist in my universe, and in all three Yoda was a muppet.

And Han shot first.

[V_TWIN]

Satire aside.....I saw star wars....once was enough 👍

[mewzilla]

Han shot first.

[frogjerk]

There are only 2 1/2 classic Star Wars films. All others are crap where there may be one or two memorable scenes. But that is it.

[GOPJ]

"I... I killed them. I killed them all. And not just the men, he/him... but the women, she/her... and the children, they/them, too." —

LOL

[PGR88]

"May the Force, she/her, be with you."

May the non-judgmental, non-patriarchal, gender undefined, supportive and non-deistic Force accompany you in a beneficial and emotionally supportive way.

[GOPJ]

"I... I killed them. I killed them all. And not just the men, he/him... but the women, she/her... and the children, they/them, too." —

LOL

[frogjerk]

2 and 1/2 Star Wars movies. Return of the Jedi minus the teddy bears and goofy acting.

[PLMerite]

“Han shot first.”

Got the t-shirt.

[alexander_busek]

Only three Star Wars movies exist in my universe, and in all three in two of which Yoda was a muppet.

Muppet Yoda appeared in only two Star Wars films: "The Empire Strikes Back" and "The Return of the Jedi."

Regards,

[Tell It Right]

Will they re-shoot the Jabba scene so that Lando instead of Lea wears the bikini, and instead of being in front of Jabba will he be in front of a classroom?

[ProtectOurFreedom]

I have to admit, it was pretty cool in 1978 when I was 27 and had just come back from a two-year stint out of the country living in a lot of third-world places.

Yes, once was enough, but the new release WITH PRONOUNS just might get me back in the theater! It is tempting.

[dayglored]

> Will they re-shoot the Jabba scene so that Lando instead of Lea wears the bikini,

Dear Lord I certainly hope not, but nothing would surprise me.

Please resist the temptation to have AI generate that scene, the imagined visual is bad enough.

[Gay State Conservative]

I have the first three...the only ones that interest me...on bluray so I’m not worried.

[aynrandfreak]

They’re endangering the mission!

[HereInTheHeartland]

Don’t give them ideas!
It will be truth next month!

[mewzilla]

And there’s always Robot Chicken Star Wars Volumes I, II, and III.

Best thing that ever happened to the franchise.

[dayglored]

> Don’t give them ideas! It will be truth next month!

Babylon Bee - We don't publish "satire". We publish "spoilers".