One thing my dad who has since passed did was to try to limit the care my sister and I needed to provide. Often it was aggravating where we had to fix something he did instead of asking us. I can say that for last 6 months of his life I was able to mostly be there for him, a lot of times despite his protests.
she should say that she will call social services if she cannot live by herself.
i am for helping out, but there is a limit to the aid.
It’s a fine line between doing for others as we are called to do biblically and getting taken advantage of.
Gotta draw the line at some point...I think this person went above and beyond a long time ago.
I am guessing that the elderly woman’s husband is glad he is dead.
The woman is nearly 90 years old, so, if average, she has a lot of needs. If she has no family, I’d contact elder services. They can help her get meals on wheels or transportation services. If she’s with it enough, she could be taught how to order delivered groceries etc., on line or by phone. But face it, some people will take advantage of you if you let them.
I remember my wealthy great aunt always complaining that the neighbors never helped her out. Carrying things or some yard work....
They ignore me when I say hello.... most likely because her hello came with a would you please?
Narcissism is VERY COMMON, and narcissists grow worse with age.
My wife and I have ended up going to outrageous lengths helping people at times. Helping people out usually goes well but sometimes things go sideways. The times when things have eventually gone sideways typically make funny stories at some point.
To me this story sounds like it may be 25-year-old virtue signaling gone bad.
We had a neighbor in the next apartment that was getting physically weaker. He worked but stayed in during Covid.
We’d check on him but he never wanted anything. Once he asked if we had toilet paper when it was hard to get. We had plenty.
We’d get more stuff for him later om. He never asked.
When he died he left us $5,000. We didn’t accept it and gave it to his son’s family.
Find out if she just wants the company.
Offer to just sit and talk, instead of doing a task.
Nothing in the story about the older woman offering to help the younger one.
Know how the young lady feels...
As a 90-year-old, I am constantly badgered by an 85.5-year-old lady to take her to the nearest casino (MGM National Harbor) at least twice or three-times a month...
Married her in 1960 and it’s been slavery ever since...
Frig that old lady who doesn't have the grace to just say thank you and demanding more. She is an example of why kind people have been backing away.
The worst troubles in my life have come from helping people in need.
In general, they are in need because they are bad people who make bad choices.
A friend of mine asked me to help an old lady neighbor of his. He explained that she’d been abandoned by her husband and had several other setbacks. I was willing to donate a small sum until he added “She feels like the world owes her a favor.”
“Sorry” I said “I don’t want to be her ‘world’”>
Givers have to set limits because takers won’t.
We took a liking to the sweet old woman who lived next door. We’d help her with chores, shopping, meals, etc. We enjoyed her company and her stories about the old days.
One day her kids whisked her away to a nursing home in a sort of custody battle amongst them to see who would get her estate.
They cut our friendship off with her, thinking we too were after her money.
Poor woman died alone in the nursing home, her children couldn’t wait to ransack her house and who knows what else. Left behind photos, mementos, etc. - took only what was worth any money
Sad. How could such a sweet woman end up with such soul-less monsters for heirs.
Similar thing happened to my sister. Her neighbor in her condo was in her late 70’s. Her family, which was helping her, moved to another state. She didn’t want to go.
It started with “since you are going to the store, could you get me ______”. Often she wouldn’t have the money for the items when my sister dropped them off.
Eventually my sister was buying all her groceries, picking her prescriptions (often paying for them and not getting reimbursed), picking up her mail, helping her with her taxes, checking in on her in the morning and evening. She was basically an unpaid care-giver.
My sister had a break down during a visit with us. She shared how her non-work hours were totally consumed by this woman, who was disrespectful, ungrateful and just mean.
I told her to contact the family and tell them the situation. Offer that, if they would like you to continue, you would need $800 a month plus related expenses.
She did. They laughed and hung up.
My sister explained the situation to the neighbor who became angry AT HER, not the family. She was so abusive that my sister walked out and refused to speak with her ever again.
The family showed up a couple of days later to move her to where they were.
Years ago one of my sisters got herself into helping an elderly woman, and then she couldn't get her to stop asking for favors. I tried to tell her, that her problem was being too nice to begin with, and people would take advantage of her. My sister finally got up enough courage to tell the woman she couldn't help her as often as she had been, and it ended when the old lady died.
Most of the problems we have, we create ourselves. I learned a long time ago, that people will do to us, what we let them get away with.
I had a 100 year old neighbor. I would sneak back in to my house to avoid her calling to me to help her with something. Most of the time it was simple things like taking out her trash bins. Once though.... She called me over and asked me to help her fix some “technology” because she knew I worked with computers. I was just thinking “she probably just needs help installing a printer.” I went in to her office and she asked me to change the ink ribbon on a 1960s IBM typwriter. The thing was older than me.
She was a great lady though. Wasn’t really taking advantage. She just needed some muscle and enjoyed the company. And I enjoyed the stories she had from 100 years of being alive.