Husband Reaches Out To NSA To See If They Know What His Wife Wants For Christmas

The Babylon Bee ^ | December 6, 2023 | The Babylon Bee

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

FAYETTEVILLE, AR — As the December days began to tick away, a local man grew so desperate in his attempt to buy his wife a great Christmas gift that he decided to reach out to the National Security Agency to find out what she wants.

"I figured it's my best shot," said Willard McBane. "She's always so difficult to buy for, and she doesn't ever give me any hints, so I knew I needed to bring the NSA in on this one."

At first, Willard's attempts to ask for help were subtle. "I just started speaking out loud whenever I was around my phone or near our Amazon Alexa," he said. "I'd just wonder aloud to myself ‘Gee, I wonder what Margaret wants for Christmas this year.' It didn't seem to yield any results, so I decided I needed to contact the NSA directly."

A spokesman for the NSA acknowledged that the agency began receiving phone calls and emails from McBane last week. "Yes, I can confirm that we were contacted by a Mr. Willard McBane," said Agent Dan Henry. "I am not at liberty to divulge the details of our conversations with Mr. McBane at this time, nor am I able to confirm whether or not we advised him that his wife would really love a 64-ounce Stanley Quencher insulated tumbler with a straw, preferably in the Rose Quartz Glow color."

At publishing time, Willard had reportedly received the information he was seeking and had also advised the NSA that he would appreciate it if they would somehow get word to Margaret that he would prefer it if she stopped putting green peppers in her chili.

[Robert DeLong]

This is a local boy who I knew because he hung out at the local record store in Tacoma Park that was owned by the former Lt. Governor, Blair Lee III's, eldest son. When I moved to Rockville, the record store I frequented was owned by his youngest son. Talk about amazing odds. Anyway here's the song:

Root Boy Slim - Dare To Be Fat

[stevio]

I feel his pain, last year I bought mine the i(whatever the lastest)phone.

[alternatives?]

One year while we had small kids, I increased the amount of my life insurance for a Christmas present.

[Jamestown1630]

LOL! I remember Root Boy.

We’re not fat - we avoid it by mainly doing carnivore/keto. Good fat doesn’t make you fat unless you’re also eating a lot of carbs.

The guitarist John Fahey was from Takoma Park, too. It was the local ‘cradle’ of a lot of good music.

(I always liked the Tower Records store down by GW University.)

[Mama Shawna]

I asked for a new vacuum for Christmas, and my hubby wanted me to put that in writing! HAHAHA!!

[Robert DeLong]

I didn't know of John Fahey, because he didn't play the kind of music I was listening to back then, rock. He was more into country & bluegrass. I might have never known of Root Boy, had it not been for a friend who saw him at a club in D.C. called the 9:30 club. When he hung out at the record store there was always a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other hand. 🙂

Christmas At K-Mart

[jdt1138]

Big Shout out to the NSA and the UTAH data center!
New Pearl Harbor
CONFIDENTIAL TOP SECRET GAMMAITALENT KEYHOLE
TOP SECRET ORCON
TOP SECRET NOFORN
TOP SECRET TALENT KEYHOLE BUlTER
POPCORN RELEASABLE TO FOREIGN NATIONALS
TOP SECRET//HCS/TK//SAR-BPII NOFORN
TOP SECRET IISI-ECI XYZll NOFORN
TOP SECRET IISI-ECI ABCIIREL TO USA, AUS, GBR
TOP SECRET IISI-EGI LMN
TOP SECRET IISI-ECI QRSIIREL TO USA, AUS, CAN, GBR, NZL
TOP SECRET IISI-ECI ABC-ECI EFG-ECI XYZ
TOP SECRET IISI-G-ECI ABCIIORCON
COSMIC TOP SECRET-BOHEMIA
IIDEU SECRET
JOINT SECRET CAN GBR USA
TOP SECRET IIFGI DEU GBR
SECRET TW/FGIl/NOFORN
SECRET IIFGI
TOP SECRET COMINT TALENT KEYHOLE
SECRET NNOFOR NIDEA SENSITIVE
UNCLASSIFIED IIDEA SENSITIVE
SECRET LIDO
SECRET

[Jamestown1630]

Yeah. Root Boy didn’t live long...

[Robert DeLong]

Yep, he was 48 in 1993, which by that time I was living in Rockville.

[CodeToad]

All he has to do is say, “Alexa, what does my wife want for Christmas.” All those spywares are NSA.

[Jamestown1630]

Coincidence:

‘Takoma’ (or ‘Tacoma’, or ‘Takhoma’) was the original name of Mount Rainier, in Washington State.

I grew up on the very outskirts of Mt. Rainier, MD, right where it butts-up to the NE DC line.

Takoma Park, MD, is similarly situated, just a little further North.

The story we always heard was that our town was named by some developers who had spent time in Washington State. I’ve never known if that was true or not, but wondered if Takoma Park was named by the same folks...

[Robert DeLong]

Sure sounds like a possibility. 🙂