Posted on 07/29/2023 5:46:04 AM PDT by Twotone
Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers.
Come along as The Babylon Bee presents a crash course on the timeless art of beauty and seduction.
1. Be a woman: We can't stress this one enough.
2. Bacon-scented body lotion: Making yourself smell like a slab of fried pig meat will make you irresistible to any real man.
3. Do your hair like Princess Leia: This works best when paired with the slave outfit from Jabba the Hutt's palace.
4. Get Botox and lip fillers: Just kidding — that's the worst idea ever.
5. Shave your real eyebrows off and paint fake ones on instead: We don't know why, but people do it.
6. Swap out your shampoo with BBQ sauce: Your hair might be a little sticky, but it'll do the trick. Trust us.
7. Part your hair on the side — NO WAIT, everyone's doing a middle part now — NO WAIT, no part at all, with bangs. NO WAIT — NO BANGS! AAAHHHHHHH!: Just put it in a ponytail. It's probably fine.
8. Use an entire suitcase full of makeup every day, but make it look like you're not wearing any: Celebrities do it, so it must be pretty easy.
9. Bathe: A revolutionary new study shows men are more likely to spend time with a woman who is clean.
That's it! If you follow those simple, easy steps, you'll have a guy in your life explaining the plot of Dune and asking you to make him sandwiches in no time!
Agreed. I watch the scum who deface class8c artwork in museums and just can’t stand that they are so careless about great art, and have no respect for others.
Your wife and I are kindred spirits. And my husband freely admits men are single-celled amoebas and can be made quite malleable by the sight of breasts.
Talk and yell really loud—as often as possible.
Don’t forget to include lots of expletives and emotion.
Men love that!
;-)
Tattoos. More tattoos on your thighs, neck, all over. And piercings. Lots of piercings on lips, eyebrows, etc. Wow, nothing more irresistible.
/s
How about a dab of Hoppes #9 behind the ears and on the wrists?
They forgot *Improve your shooting skills*.
Everytime I see a woman who does this, I just start laughing. Especially at the ones who have their eyebrows half-way up their forehead.
Ladies, please stop doing this. seriously. It's not attractive. AT. ALL.
it makes me think that they have a medical condition that makes their eyebrows fall out and never grow back-
BTW: did you know getting eyebrows tattoo'd on is now a thing? Not kidding. One of my girlfriend's friends hated her eyebrows so much she had them all lasered off so they won't regrow and had eyebrows tattoo'd on.
This poor woman thinks she looks great. I think she looks absolutely hideous, she was attractive before doing this to herself. Geez...
It makes you look dirty even if you are as fresh as a daisy.
You have to add those tattoos on the temple. Really sexy.
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