Posted on 07/22/2023 8:11:48 PM PDT by Lazamataz
First of all, much to the dismay of many, I did not die tonight.
Secondly, I've seen these funeral threads before where people mourn the FReeper and talk about what they meant to them (and more than a few FReepers who celebrate the death).
But what's the point of that? Does the dead FReeper know anything, or see any of the kind or crass remarks about them?
No. Pointless. We should have these sort of threads BEFORE they die.
So that's why I'm doing my obituary thread tonight. Plus, there is the added advantage of me knowing the exact date (7/22/2023) and and time (10:34PM) of my death!
Arrangements may be sent to: Egotistical Clown Funeral Home, 2312 Dumb Vanity Road, Atlanta, GA. 30321
Donations on his behalf may be sent to the Gun Owners of America.
THAT Bear stabbing in self defence of his dog was accomplished by Freeper Kanawa with a Buck Hinting Knife.The hear seized his dog and Kanawa boarded that bear, straddled it and stabbed it repeatedly in the neck to the hilt of his knife until it died.
https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1670661/posts
Kanawa is a Tilley, a famous historical family name in New Brunswick Canada, where he now resides.There is a famous Tilley House Museum in Gagetown, New Brunswick.
https://queenscountyheritage.com/inner_tilley.php
Laz was impressed and wanted Kanawa’s youngest sister’s address.(sarc.)
Yes, the very same.
“THAT Bear stabbing in self defence of his dog was accomplished by Freeper Kanawa with a Buck Hinting Knife.The hear seized his dog and Kanawa boarded that bear, straddled it and stabbed it repeatedly in the neck to the hilt of his knife until it died.”
I know it was Kanawa. The reference to Laz was a joke.
You in the thread.
Rest in FReep, Laz.
More chicks for the rest of us.
In Loving (and Laughing) Memory of Lazamataz: The Southern “Freeper” with a Wit You Couldn’t Beat!
We gather here today to bid farewell to a true one-of-a-kind character who left a lasting mark on all of our lives β Lazamataz! If there’s one thing you could never say about him, it’s that he didn’t have an opinion β especially when it came to the ever-debated question of “hitting that.” But before we get to that, let’s take a moment to remember the journey of this hilariously witty and conservative Southern boy.
Born and bred in the heart of the South, Lazamataz had a drawl that could charm the pants off just about anyone β figuratively, of course! He was a proud “Freeper,” a term you might not be familiar with unless you’ve ventured into the wild world of internet forums. Lazamataz embraced his conservative beliefs like a preacher at a potluck, and he was never one to shy away from sharing his thoughts, no matter how outrageous they might have seemed to others.
As we all know, Lazamataz had a unique gift for turning any situation into a sidesplitting comedy routine. Whether it was a family gathering or a heated political debate, you could always count on Lazamataz to crack a joke that left everyone in stitches β or at least scratching their heads in confusion. His humor was like a mixed bag of candies, some sweet, some sour, and others downright peculiar, but we loved every moment of it.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room β or should we say the “hit that” in the room? Yes, it was a well-known fact that Lazamataz had an inexplicable knack for being asked the most inappropriate questions about potential romantic encounters. “Would you hit that?” they’d ask, and Lazamataz would respond with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous grin, “Well, sugar, it ain’t fittin’ for a Southern gentleman to kiss and tell, but I reckon she’s purtier than a field of magnolias on a summer mornin’!”
Oh, how we’ll miss those classic Lazamataz-isms! He had a way of making even the most mundane subjects sound like Shakespearean sonnets with his clever use of Southern charm and wit. Nobody could spin a yarn quite like him, and his tall tales were almost as legendary as his reputation for “Freeper” feuds.
When it came to politics, Lazamataz was unwavering in his beliefs, much like a stubborn mule standing its ground. But, oh boy, the debates he’d get into were a sight to behold! You couldn’t help but admire his passion, even if you didn’t agree with a single word he said. In true Southern fashion, he’d tip his imaginary hat and respond with a hearty, “Bless your heart,” to anyone who dared challenge him.
Lazamataz’s presence in our lives brought joy, laughter, and a fair share of head-scratching moments. We may not fully understand all of his quirks, but we loved him for being authentically himself. He had a heart as big as a Southern plantation and a spirit as wild as a rodeo bull.
As we bid adieu to our beloved Lazamataz, let us remember the lessons he taught us: to never take life too seriously, to cherish the laughter it brings, and to embrace our uniqueness, no matter how “Freeper” it might be. He may be gone, but his memory will live on forever in the tales we share and the laughter we pass along to generations to come.
So here’s to you, Lazamataz, our witty and opinionated friend. May you rest in eternal amusement, knowing you’ve left a legacy that will keep us chuckling for years to come. And as you ride off into the sunset, we can hear you saying, “Well, butter my biscuits and call me surprised!”
Farewell, dear friend. Farewell.
I’m glad I did not miss the opportunity to devour your soul.
Now a word from President Trump on the passing of laz:
“He was a good man, the best, everyone knows it. Ask anyone. They all know it. He dated anything to help the ugly women I wouldn’t date. He was a great date, always available, the best, no one was better. He made dating great again, always the best dates. Never dissatisfied a woman, always great, just great, the best. All women know that. We’ll miss him. He’ll be missed by all women. God rest his soul.”
LAZ!!!! You’re alive!!! LOL!
Oh Noes
OMG! LAZAMATAZ STILL MESSAGING FROM THE AFTERLIFE!!!!
RLTW
You will be missed, Laz / LOL
Yes I know y9ou made a joke, and thank you for the joke, but I take every opportunity I can to keep Freeper Kanawa’s heroic tale refreshed and alive.
Thank you for that opportunity.
I asked ChatGPT to write my obituary. How totally true!
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great sorrow and tremendous respect that we come together today to bid farewell to the legendary Laz A. Mataz, a truly exceptional individual who departed from this world on July 22, 2023, leaving behind an incredible legacy that will be etched in the annals of history.
Laz A. Mataz was a name that reverberated with success and greatness. He was a trailblazer, a visionary, and a master of his craft. Laz’s charisma and boundless energy were matched only by his unwavering determination to succeed. From humble beginnings, he rose to conquer insurmountable challenges, becoming a true embodiment of the American dream.
In the world of business, Laz was a titan, a relentless dealmaker, and a powerhouse entrepreneur. He built an empire from the ground up, seizing opportunities, and creating prosperity for countless individuals along the way. His sharp mind and keen instincts were the cornerstones of his triumphs, and he never shied away from taking bold risks, always emerging victorious.
Beyond his tremendous accomplishments, Laz A. Mataz had a personality that was larger than life. He had an unparalleled ability to captivate audiences with his magnetic presence, captivating speech, and unparalleled charisma. Whether he was addressing a room full of global leaders or engaging with everyday people, he left an indelible impression on everyone he encountered.
Laz was a true patriot, unyielding in his dedication to making America great. He believed in the power of unity and the strength of the American spirit, always striving to build a stronger, more prosperous nation for future generations. His commitment to philanthropy was equally admirable, as he generously supported numerous causes close to his heart, making a positive impact on countless lives.
While his life was marked by success and accolades, Laz A. Mataz was also a family man, cherishing his loved ones above all else. His devotion to his family was unwavering, and he shared his blessings and triumphs with those who mattered most to him.
Though we mourn his passing, we must also celebrate the extraordinary life that Laz A. Mataz lived. He leaves behind a profound and enduring legacy that will continue to inspire and shape the lives of many. Let us remember him not with tears, but with the same fierce determination and passion for life that he exemplified.
In the words of Laz himself, “Life is what you make of it. Dream big, work hard, and never, ever give up.” As we bid farewell to this remarkable individual, let us carry forward his spirit and determination, ensuring that his legacy lives on in the hearts of all who knew and admired him.
Rest in peace, Laz A. Mataz. May your memory forever be a shining beacon of hope and inspiration for generations to come.
I look at it differently.
You love me so much that even a false rumor of my death caused you to dream that nightmare.
Close. I always say, Northern by birth; Southron by the Grace of God.
Everything else you wrote is true, though.π
Perfect!
I can hear women weeping all across America
There's an old Asimov short story ("Obituary") that is called to mind.
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