What’s the best age gap in a relationship? We examine the evidence, from divorce rates to life expectancy

The Economist ^ | 07/15/2023 | Soumaya Keynes

[SeekAndFind]

When a friend opts to date someone who is old enough to be their parent, a common response is to see if the decision passes the “half their age plus seven” test. The rule, whose origins remain mysterious, has been passed down through generations as a way of justifying or, more commonly, pouring scorn on other people’s couplings. It’s fine for a 22-year-old to go out with an 18-year-old. It’s not ok for a 38-year-old to go out with a 23-year-old, however a 26-year-old would be fair game. The older you get, the wider the permissible age gap: a 50-year-old can venture as old as 86.

That’s the theory. In practice, research conducted by Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, a dating website, suggests that when it comes to age gaps, men and women have slightly different ideas. While female users look for men roughly the same age as them (or perhaps a year or two older) men prefer women in their early twenties, regardless of their own age. While women prefer a small and constant age gap, men are so hooked on the idea of a nubile young partner that they prefer a larger age gap the older they get.

Are men searching wisely? In theory there are plenty of reasons to favour a small age gap. The ability of both members of a couple to sing a favourite childhood television theme tune could bond them together, at the risk of irritating those nearby. And sharing the joy of getting a free bus pass at a similar time, or saving money from combining big birthday parties, is clearly attractive.

Some economists have wondered whether smaller age gaps between partners could have wider, societal benefits, as they might help to narrow the gender earnings

[wgmalabama]

My rule is and will always be they have to be at least 18. My wife is 11 years younger but it didn’t feel like much difference when I was 39 and she was 28. Now I’m aging faster and the gap will impact time together in retirement.

[Kazan]

Al Pacino agrees.

[Leep]

“...narrow the gender earnings”

Is that the real reason or purpose of this discussion?

[alternatives?]

Two things arguing for similar ages if both are young.

One, the cost of providing health insurance for a much younger wife, after the male reaches 65.

Two, the kids have to put up with the wife for a long time after the older husband dies. The husband can act as a brake to poor behavior by the wife.

[telescope115]

My wife and I are 6 months apart-she’s older. We are on year 42 and counting…

[Joe 6-pack]

“a couple to sing a favourite childhood television theme tune could bond them together,”...Yeah, that’s something we do together all the time."

That specific example is silly, but I do think there's something to it. My wife and I (2 year age difference) have had his conversation and discussed that because of the proximity of our ages there are cultural, historic and generational references we can make in the course of our casual conversations that make it easier to communicate.

[Bigg Red]

Writer of this piece seems to be about 12 years old emotionally and in possession of the composition skills of a 7-year-old.

[Responsibility2nd]

It’s not ok for a 38-year-old to go out with a 23-year-old.

______________________

Says who?

[SauronOfMordor]

Men are wired to be maximally attracted to women who have their fertile years in front of them rather than behind them. Thus, young women.

Women are wired to want a man who will support and protect them, thus look for men who have demonstrated they have the ability, thus somewhat older men.

[Dr. Sivana]

while the older women can’t attract significantly younger men, or many men around their own age.

I know THREE women who married men their age or slightly younger in their very late 30s/40s. Here is what set them apart:

One, they had kept their purity. Two had been religious sisters and left for solid reasons. The third had severe health issues that made marriage unrealistic at the time.

Two, they were feminine in bearing and demeanor, all in different ways.

Three, they held their standards on important thing (values, faith, permanence of marriage, things like that).

Four, they would make allowances for things other women might dismiss a fellow for (height, mediocre job, shyness, foreign nationality/different race).

If you choose right once, then you just have to work on the marriage (barring early death).

[ealgeone]

I had a +2 or -5 rule when single. Wifey is 5 yrs younger.

[Oldhunk]

I went in the other direction. My wife was 7 years older than me when we married. Lost her over a year ago after 57 wonderful years of marriage. I am having a hard time with the grief, thinking about her all the time. Would give anything to have her back.

[Bigg Red]

Exactly. These truths, however, are beyond the understanding of the twit who wrote this piece.

[Dr. Sivana]

The much older one is much more likely to die well before the younger spouse, leaving them alone, struggling, etc.

I plan to work full time until at least 70, so as to maximize Social Security benefits for my younger wife. That provides a a safety net which she can supplement by taking a job if she chooses to. She has not had to work outside the home up to this point.

I am hopeful our house will have substantial equity and she can downsize after my death. I expect her to keep driving the 2018 Toyota Avalon, as the cars of the future will not be worth owning.

[ProtectOurFreedom]

I totally agree. When you are close together in age (I’m eight months older than my wife), you grew up in the same culture, same politics, same zeitgeist (great German word!) so you naturally have a lot you can share.

[ProtectOurFreedom]

In other words, a typical college graduate these days. We see that all the time.

[Varsity Flight]

Donald and Melania

[Georgia Girl 2]

Old men want young women? 😮

[napscoordinator]

Trump is 77. His wife is 52. 25 year age gap. They seem ok even with 25 year age gap.

[telescope115]

My younger daughter is married to a man 7 years her senior. My older daughter and her boyfriend are the same age.